Are Vegetarians hypocrites ?

I happened to read a small article about PETA and their advertising strategy in India. Despite being a staunch non-vegetarian by diet, I believe in their purpose of treating animals with due respect. After all if I want to eat a chicken it better be a healthy well bred chicken. That however is besides the point. My little knowledge of PETA and most supporters of vegetarian diet (India surely has a very high proportion of Vegetarians) begs the question if they really mean what they say or are they plain hypocrites.

Personally I have been a vegetarian (Lacto vegetarian to be precise) in past and I am sure I am a hypocrite (although I try to convince myself otherwise) on several ideologies of mine . So I believe it qualifies me to examine certain arguments made in favour of vegetarianism. In India, generally or colloquially vegetarian means Lacto Vegetarian.The more restrictive Vegan, Jain vegetarianism also exist. In the rest of the blog Veg - means the Lacto vegetarian form unless otherwise specified.

Since me turning to the dark-side (read as as turning non-veg) I have heard several arguments about turning veg again. Lets examine some of them based on some actual arguments that I have had in past. To make this slightly intereting, I am now going to take some creative liberty and create a few fictional characters - Jimesh Jain (the name says it - staunch follower of the jain way), Madhav Oak (Hindu - Kokanastha Brahmin - a confused lacto vegetarian) and Shelly Fernandez (a recently converted Vegan ).
Me and my fictional characters are having lunch together and among other things mine contains a well done steak and some chicken nuggets.

Madhav Oak (Maddy) : Dude what is that dark red meat that you are eating.
Me : Steak.
Maddy : I mean is that mutton or pork.
Me : Neither. Its beef.
Maddy (Exclaims in shock ): How can you eat cow? You are an insult to Hinduism.
Me (Cool as a cucumber): And why would eating a cow be an insult to Hinduism.
Maddy : For one, Cow is worshiped as a holy animal, the Kamadhenu. Secondly you do drink cow's milk so in a sense its like your mother.
Me (Looking at Maddy 's footwear). Aren't those Lee Cooper shoes ?
Maddy (with a sense of pride) : Yup. Good quality ones and great style, not to mention the brand. But why? You are digressing from the topic.
Me : Hmm. Just wondering what kind material would it be. Are those made of cotton, linen or nylon.
Maddy : Moron, it is leather.
Me : So it is alright to be wearing the "holy cow" in your feet but it is unholy to eat its meat. Let me put it this way, I am just eating the meat from the dead animal which was killed to make your shoes. As far as Religious belief goes, I am not really that religious. I don't see such a great distinction between the Cow and any of the other animals we eat.
Maddy (Now a little defensive): Hey I don't eat any animals or their eggs. I am a pure veggie.
Me: So what's your definition of veggie. No animals or animal products ?.
Maddy : Of course. I take the point about leather. Will considering moving to non - leather alternatives for formal shoes (wondering if there are any formal shoes which are not made of some kind of animal skin). However in general, I think we should not be harming animals for food.

Me: Interesting point. In that case you should also stop having milk or milk products. (Maddy looks startled again).
Two simple reasons
a. It is an animal product. And if we go by the animal product = non-veg definition then milk definitely falls in that category.
b. If we go with no harm to animals, then think again. The calf isn't jumping gleefully when it is taken away from its mother so that the dairy farmer can take the milk and transport it to us.
(At this point Maddy is feeling dejected as if his principles of religion and vegetarianism have been blown inside out. Shelly decides to take my case now).

Shelly: Yeah.. Milk and eggs kind of blur the distinction between Veg and non-veg. That's why I have gone vegan. I eat neither milk nor eggs. Why should we harm animals so that we can have food. There are so many varieties of plants and their products that should suffice.

Me: So do you don't eat farm products - rice, wheat, and so on.
Shelly: Of course I eat them. Didn't I say plants / their products.
Me : No I mean't "no animals should be harmed for food". So obviously you shouldn't eat agricultural products.
Shelly : Why ? What's wrong with agriculture ? How does me eating agriculture products amount to killing of animals.

Me: Yeah.. That is true, you don't kill any animals for eating agriculture products.
You just happen to accidentally add boric acid or like to preserve rice. The bugs just get a high from that and decide to give up rice cause it is like having drugs ...
Oh come on, how can you forget all the insects and rodents that had to be destroyed so that that rice can make it to your table in one piece.

Jimesh Jain (JJ) (So far he has been quietly nibbling away his food and enjoying the lesser mortals squabble over veg - non veg). The true way is the Jain way. We do not eat any animal products. We do not believe in harming animals in any way. In fact to avoid eating animals we don't even eat anything that grows underground, as typically its the abode of some organisms. We believe that we should not have to consume anything that has life for the sake of self.

Me : Dude, with all due respect to your religious beliefs, I think you are being a hypocrite as well. Let us assume for the moment that some how, you only eat the unharmed, untouched left overs after any insects and rodents have had their share of the agriculture products. i.e. avoided harming life for sake of self. But farming itself requires so much land. To feed the ever increasing demand, we end up clearing vast parts of forest land for farming. Not to mention - that even existing farms employ all sorts of chemicals to kill pests even during the process of growing. So harming animals is not exactly something that you can avoid.

JJ (maintaining his buddha smile) : Yeah, with modern technology some things are inevitable. However at least we can avoid killing some form of life by staying veg. Think about the scene, where a huge knife is used to chop the chicken's head and the blood starts flowing through it. Don't you even have some empathy ?. We have so many laws prohibiting killing of humans, but that animal can't even speak against its killing. It feels so cruel.

Me : So you are saying that its cruel to be killing animals cause they can't even protest against it.

JJ : Yes. In general the we believe in non violence.

Me : Do you know how crops are harvested. All the plants (crops) in the field are cut from above the ground, which means that basically "killed" just that the name for this killing is a euphemism called harvest. So while it may seem non-violent as no red liquid gets spilled during this process, the killing still happens.

JJ (now sort of shaken off his foundations) : Yeah but we got to eat something to survive. In that sense plants are meant to be consumed as food. We make an effort to apply the bare minimum amount of violence as necessary for survival.

Me : I agree with that point to some extent. The only big difference is that I don't bother making a distinction between veg and non veg for the convenience of religious principles. I will have to eat some form of life and therefore I really don't care if that form is plant or animal. The only principle is survival. .....
...

This argument would probably continue (and might even get ugly) if JJ,Maddy and Shelly were real people. However I think I made my point. Stepping out of my imaginary conversation, I think there are some side effects of civilizations. One such effect is food is not meant only for survival. It has several socio - economic impacts. These socio - economic aspects associated with food mean that we as "civilized" humans have created very violent occupations which can be collectively pooled in agriculture and food processing (aka dairy farming, meat processing et all). Every morsel of food we consume, or cloth we wear almost always has some form of violence involved and with human population explosion that violence is inevitable.
What we call as civilization is perhaps worse in this respect than the aborigines or tribals who dwell at the fringe of civilization. At least they have learned to live in harmony with their surroundings.

The only real alternative to go the "non violent" way would be to go ascetic like an ancient sanyasi who would survive in the forest with only fruits and roots taking due care that no seeds (carriers of life) are harmed. Of course most of civilized beings aren't capable / ready to survive that way (not to mention the lack of sufficient forests to follow that lifestyle).

So until we accept true sanyas or invent /evolve a photosynthetic gadget to simply convert incident energy into food for survival, we will have to consume some life to survive. Which means there is no point whining about non - vegetarianism being unethical or violent. All veggies really do in the process is establish themselves as hypocrites.

Disclaimer -
This article is not meant to belittle or malign any religious faith. My apologies to any readers who feel that I may have harmed their religious sentiments. That was definitely not the intent.
This blog is only an attempt to rationalize the validity of the popular culture around vegetarianism.
You could be a vegetarian for various reasons like religion (the jain way), guilt (I saw blood spew out from the goat's neck at the neighbourhood slaughterhouse), fear of disease (e.g. bird or avian flu) or simply taste (I don't like meat). It is the reader's individual opinion and faith that governs their choice of diet.
All I am doing here is laying out my own opinion around the topic (albeit with the help of that imaginary discussion). There are also some very good reasons to being veggie (other than ethics or violence), but that is "besides the point".

The Green Hitchhiker

On my way back from workplace I often drop some of my colleagues who stay nearby by my home. Sometimes I even give a ride to hitchhikers near by my work place. However today I found the most unusual hitchhiker. I was cursing the Mumbai traffic as I was stuck on the Gandhinagar, Kanjurmarg Railway over bridge. Its a routine traffic jam at this point. The usual honking, was on. There were the young entrepreneurs selling roasted peanuts. Of course there were all the fumes bellowing out of the vehicle emission outlets.

Amongst all this and my impatience, I noticed something that looked like a piece of green leaf perched on top of my bike's dashboard. A few minutes later I was startled when I noticed that the leaf was moving. It was not a leaf but a grasshopper (or some other similar creepy crawly) approximately the size of my thumb. The insect moved around for a while before deciding to settle down near the direction indicator button. As the traffic started clearing I drove into the eastern express highway expecting that as I picked up speed the insect would either be blown away or fly off.
As I was riding, I could still see the green hitchhiker from the corner of my eye. This hitchhiker was certainly not going to give up its free ride. The speed, the cold wind, the bikes rumbling engine, the potholes nothing seemed to deter its resolve to stay perched on the bikes handle.
For the next 20 minutes or so I did not touch the indicator but used hand signal to indicate my intent every time I had to turn. By the time I got home I was half expecting the insect to be still around. My expectations were met when I entered my building gate with the fella still resting on the bike's handle. So I decided that this arthropod deserved more fame and its about time to put it on my blog.

She commands respect

Its beginning of 2009.
She is a curvaceous beauty, looking alluring in black with dashes of chrome. I just brought her home and am looking at her still unable to believe that I have actually taken the plunge and got into this commitment.

Pause your thoughts....
Before the readers start getting any thoughts about me getting into commitment, let me clarify ... I am not referring to a female of the human species. I am only referring to my motorcycle. I know motor cycles cannot really be classified as male or female ..but if I am riding one .. it has to be declared female.
After coveting the Royal Enfield motorcycle for several years and resisting the decision to buy one for several months, I finally made the decision and brought home The 2009 Royal Enfield Thunderbird. A beautiful, heavy (i.e. 170 + Kgs) and sturdy cruiser bike.

Play .....
I have parked it in the lot. The guy from the showroom had shown me a specific way to mount the bike on its main stand. It involved descending from the bike first and then using a handle above the rear Tyre and a lever attached to the main stand to mount the bike in place. That way the bike would balance on to the main stand effortlessly (even for some one with a lanky build like me). I followed the instructions religiously and the bike was set perfectly in place. The only glitch was that I thought it is not stylish enough if you have to descend from the bike first to mount it on the stand. After all other bikes that I had driven (i.e. a 100cc Hero Honda Passion), I would comfortable set them on the main stand just by one strong pull on the handle, whilst still perched on the bike seat.

So I start thinking there has to be a way to do the same to this heavy bird as well.
I sit on my bike and unmount it. Now I summon my energies to try and pull it up on to the main stand. First try ... the bike is just too heavy for me. Does not budge.
I am thinking ... hang on .. I am much stronger than I look. I can do this.
One more try. I pull hard on the handle with my left leg pushing the stand in place.
This time the bike shakes a little as if to indicate that I am angering her. However she refuses to get on to the stand. I say .. I can do better. One last try.
This time I summon all my energies and pull onto the handle really hard. The bike almost gets on to the main stand. However I am off balance due to the extra effort and the main stand snaps back in its place . The bike tilts to the left taking me down with it. It does not actually fall down as there is another bike adjacent to it which is steady enough to support it.

So there I am stuck between two bikes one steady and the other ready to fall on me.
I am like WTF ... day one and I have managed to get my bike to come down crashing on self without really riding it.
Some how I descend down from my bike (albeit still sandwiched between my bike and the other one). There is not enough space for me to turn around to grab my bike with both my hands. Now the bike tilts further downwards is pushing onto my ass (don't even ask how it came down onto my ass .. its quite too embarrassing already) . I can feel all the 170+ Kgs of kerb weight on the one hand still holding on to the bike's handle and my ass. Some how I push her back into the vertical position and this time I use the good old tested technique to set her on the main stand.

I realize that this is not just another 100kg kerb weight, 100 cc engine motorcycle. She is after all the Thunderbird. All 170+ Kgs of it and with the large (by Indian standard) 350 cc engine. Thus I need to afford her the appropriate respect. I have a look at myself. In the whole balancing act, I have managed to inflict a small burn on my right leg thanks to the bike's silencer which was still hot when this whole tussle was happening.

Next few weeks were spent getting used to the Thundering (not really a thunder as compared to other enfields .. but loud enough) of the Thunderbird. Every time I sat on her and started the engine, I could feel the rattling of the several moving parts and the thumping sound so synonymous with the brand. The thumping sound would start to make the heart want to pump in sync with the sound. Never again have I treated her like a 100 cc bike. If there is one thing that I realized, it is that this is one wonderful bike and she commands respect.

The Ghostquake

Date and Time : around 1:07 am 17 Aug 2010

I am sitting on my couch in front of my laptop writing about one of my treks to a remote place called Harischandra Gad. I have just about finished describing a close encounter in the jungle. My brain is hyper on thoughts (read horror / suspense / thriller movies).
As I am contemplating the words on my next para, I have an eerie experience.

In a span of less than a second, I feel the rustling of trees outside the window of my living room, followed by the sound of the wind hitting the sliding windows and then a jerk on the couch as if some hit the couch hard. Startled I look around but there is no one.
Now my already hyper on thoughts brain takes two forms. First form the Rational brain (hereinafter referred to as "aaR") and second form the Paranoid one (hereinafter referred to as "Par"). Aar swiftly starts rationalizing the experience and comes up with 3 options in the order of rationale correctness.

1. A strong wind blew through the window and shook the couch.
2. An earthquake hit the area.
3. A burglar broke in and accidentally brushed a side of the couch before hiding in another room.

Before even Aar has finished ruling out options, Par supplies one more
4. Its a ghost.

I usually consider myself quite a rational person so Aar is always favoured to explain such experiences. So here goes the discussion between three (Aar, Par and me) of us.

Aar : Even though the trees rustled and the window shook, I could not feel the wind on my skin. Option 1 is therefore ruled out. It could be option 2.

Par : Earthquakes will usually mean a little more disturbance. I have seen enough discovery channel and I know that it usually involves at least sound of shaking utensils and crockery. I did not hear any of that. Besides since the whole experience lasted less than a second it is highly unlikely that its an earthquake.

Aar & me : Hmm ... In that case lets ascertain option 3.

I get up and check all the rooms, windows and doors. I even check on my mom (the only other person in the house at that moment) and she is fast asleep oblivious to my experience. I look out of the windows and nothing. Convinced that there is no sign of forced entry and that there is no one other than myself and my mom in the home I return to my couch.

Par : So it is my explanation. A ghost has entered the house.
Aar : No there are no ghosts. There is no such thing as God or Ghost. They are both creations of the human mind trying to blame the unexplained happenings of the nature on something supernatural.

Par : I am convinced that it was a ghost. If you can believe that there is ghost than like two sides of a coin you also have to accept the presence of God. Lets pray God and may the almighty give us strength to overcome the evil.

Me : Saalo AarPar ... Shut up both of you. You guys are scaring the living day lights out me. Ok its 1:00 am in the night, but that makes this whole discussion way too creepy. Lets go to sleep.

I then go on to switch of my laptop, relieve my bladder and come back to sleep on the same darn couch. I switch off the light and for the next 15 minutes or so I am lying there inside the sheets with only my face outside and my eye half closed. My eyeballs are moving to check out all corners of the room to spot any movement. Aar is still thinking option 3 while Par is convinced of option 4. The only light inside the room is the faint one coming from flashlight at a nearby construction sight. There is the shadow of the trees on the walls. No movement however.
Pretty soon I have overcome my momentary fears and am fast asleep.

Next morning at breakfast I narrate the experience to my mom (minus discussion with Aar and Par). My mom agrees with 1,2, 3 as possible explanations and dismisses all of them with similar arguments as AarPar. I stop short of telling her option 4 but then She adds a 5th explanation.

5. Since I was writing (and she is not particularly fond of my style) about some close encounter, my brain was hyper and I would have hallucinated.

Again AarPar get into discussions and Par likes option 5 better than option 4. Aar is still not convinced but with nothing rational in site keeps quite. I tell my mom to forget about it and carry on with my usual routine and go to office.

Towards the end of the day, just as everyone is winding up to leave for the day, a mail drops into my mailbox from the Firm's Corporate Security.
The subject reads "Security Advisory - Earthquake Respone...."

The mails body starts as below
"A minor intensity earthquake, measuring 2.6 on the Richter scale, hit Mumbai and parts of western Maharashtra early morning today at 1.07 am with Bapsai (Thane District) as its epicenter."

Aar has a last muhaaahaahaaa laugh.


This is a post from my other blog.
Original post can be found here

Chacha

This is one blog I have been meaning to write, for quite some time. However somehow I my writer's mind has been on a vacation for quite a few months. Then I found myself talking fondly about old memories and becoming nostalgic about my days in Bangalore, living with room mates.

Those days we were 6 guys sharing a large 3 BHK apartment. All of us were working for the same company and all about the same age. So there we were enjoying our care free lives - movies, parties, outdoors, attempting to woo the fairer sex etc. All of us behaving like typical twenty something bachelors. Yet there was this one guy who always (may be often but not always) behaved like a 50 something uncle.
This guy hailed from Jammu. I am not too sure why he was the way he was, but he always had an air of confidence about him. It could even be mistaken for arrogance. He always knew of a definite way of how things should be done. So whether we were talking about how the food at some place was, or what we should buy for the kitchen etc, he had his piece of advice. More often than not whenever he used to present his opinion, it would go "Hamare Jammu mein na ....". It sounded as if some old uncle of mine was telling a tale from his old days. Then again this guy was also balding a little early. His narratives and his hair added to that look of an uncle. Thus he earned his nick name of "Chacha".
In our first year end at this place, this guy really lived up to his nickname. Since it was new year we all wanted to party. However the cost of stag entry in most pubs and discos was quite high and we were all low on cash. So our thrifty and jugadu Chacha came up with an idea - "lets have a party at home". At first I thought this was a lame idea of an old mind. However like an uncle planning a b'day party for kids, he soon swung into action. While rest of us were like clueless yet excited kids, he was all calm and ready with a plan. Out of no where he found some contact to get hold of an amp and loud speaker (yeah we did not have our own hi fi music system). Next thing I found myself at an unfamiliar location acting as a translator while he was negotiating price with the music system guy. Ironically,the music system guy did not know any language other than kannada and all I knew in kannada was "kannada barud illa" (meaning I don't know kannada, but I guess that was more kannada than Chacha knew). Somehow we came down to a deal. Next he found out some other contact who would create CDs with play list of English and hindi dance numbers. Again I found myself at another unknown location choosing a bunch of english tracks (Chacha did not have too much of a taste in English music).

On the day of the party while I was busy wrapping up my work to get home early, he already had got hold of another roommate to do the shopping of cold drinks, snacks and decorative items.
When I did get home, he directed rest of us kids to put in place all the decorations. The coloured paper ribbons were taped all over the place. One guy was made the DJ. Since we did not have coloured disco lights, we put coloured gelatin paper over the tube light and bulbs.
By the time rest of our friends arrived, we were already having a great time. When all the guests arrived it was more the merrier. Its been years since that new year party. To date though it has been the most memorable new year party I have ever been to. I wonder if "hamare Jammu mein" there are parties like that one.

Its been a while since I moved out of that place a long time ago. I miss not just the fun we all had but also those "hamere Jammu mein " dailogues. Chacha has since moved to a different place and has found himself a chachi. I guess now he has some who will always listen to his tales.

What they don't teach at an engineering college ?

Recently a friend of mine dropped an email to me to consider writing for the college magazine.
Got me thinking about writing something relevant and yet informative. I could of course write about my professional experiences and my technology knowledge, considering my career in software. I think however that would be too boring for a college magazine. So I zeroed on the subject, What they don't teach at an engineering college ?. For the rest of the article, I am going to write about some experiences during my college life and what they taught me.

S**t happens, deal with it.
This is one lesson every engineer learns in the first or second semester. I managed to clear my first 2 semesters without any of the dreaded KTs. Soon I had built this superstition about growing a beard during exams. However in the sem 5, there was one subject on Microprocessors. It helped shatter that superstition completely. We had a good 3 days of holiday before this one. So in typical engg exam style, I hadn't really bothered preparing much. The 3 days were spent reading through pretty much the whole curriculum for the subject. I thought I was quite well prepared. That was only until about an hour of writing the paper. I turned to section II (or was it page 2) of the question paper. Found myself staring at a whole set of μP design problems that none of us in the exam hall had expected or bothered to practice.For next 2 hours everyone in the exam hall was either staring at the other students in the hall, hoping some one knew the answers. For a change the invigilators were not worried about cheating, ... cause pretty much nobody had a clue of what the right answers were.

We all came out expecting, the by now not so dreaded, KT. Luckily I managed to clear the the exam. But my scores for that sem were messed. Since this sem counted for the final engg grade it meant that I had to work a lot harder in the next 3 sems to up my average grade. S**t had happened and I found myself was dealing with it for the next 1.5 years...

Never give up - cause life is like a sinusoid.
I remember me and a few of my friends had registered for a robotics competition in IIT - Bombay. The competition required us to build a manually controlled vessel which could move over water in a small tank and play water polo with table tennis balls floating in water. None of my team mates had any idea of how to build a boat, or materials around it or principles of a motor boat. Next month or so we spent a lot of our spare time researching, trying out stuff and coming out with designs, prototypes. After all the hard work, with just 2 days to the big day, we realized that our machine design had some serious flaws and we found ourself staring at a complete failure of the project. Just then we took a lunch break and when we came back we decided to persist with our aim and not give up. That day and next morning we took our machine apart and build a completely new machine. Soon enough, at the competition we surprised ourself and pretty much everyone at in the audience at IIT, when we narrowly missed a berth the finals and stood third. Taught me that if life is like a sinusoid. If you are staring at a trough, its probably time to cheer up and trying a bit harder, cause the crest will follow soon.

Listen to your intuition.
I graduated in a recession year. The campus placements that year were few and some of my friends got through. There were others who wanted to pursue a PG in Engg. Then there were those who wanted to do a degree in management. There were also some who planned to take up post grad only so that they could skip the painful job hunt in those recession times. I couldn't manage any campus placements by sem 7 and by sem 8 the campus placements had completely dried up. I wasn't keen on an international PG or Management. I tried my hand at some of the entrance tests to get into an M Tech but fell short of the score to get into course of my choice. So by mid of sem 8, here I was like numerous others without a job in hand or a college admit, staring at the abyss of unemployment.
Something inside me said that things will look up and that something good was in store for me .. After all life is a sinusoid. So I kept posting my resumes to any and every software, electronics or telecommunication firm that I saw posting advertisements in newspapers for experienced hires. By end of sem 8 the lot like me were doing these post graduate diplomas in hope of building additional skills that would make them job worthy. I chose against it and instead worked at a meager pay with my final year project guide for around 2 months on another project. Soon enough my intuition turned out to be right and in early September that year I had in my hand an offer letter from Infosys - one of the most respected and India's second largest software services companies. So I think it helps to listen to one's intuition and substantiate it with action.

Curricular helps, but extra-curricular builds you.
I think this is one point which most of my college professors would not agree with. I was habituated to bunking lectures and spent a lot of my time in canteen planning or enjoying the extra curricular activities (mostly college events or festivals). In essence I think most of my lecturers thought I had no future. But all those extra curricular had subconsciously taught me some great soft skills. Things like how to work with people, dealing with pressure, and above all maintaining my focus and calm in the most trying circumstances. These were skills that the engineering syllabus or lecturers could not teach. When at work, I found that these were very skills that gave me a slight edge against some of the bookworms who were now my batch mates at Infosys. These guys were still learning these skills, which seemed to come more naturally to me ... I guess extra-curricular stuff had helped after all.

Its alright to be selfish but have a conscience. One of the things that I learned through all those extra curricular activities was that every one is selfish. Our moral sciences preach ideals like selflessness. Truth however is that without a selfish motivation, hardly any one give their 100 % to anything they do. Back in college, I was into the organizing the tech fest, I was in them for the experiences they offered and the fun. That was my selfish motive. There were others who wanted the certificates and awards. There were still others who wanted to add to their pocket money (albeit by messing with the accounts). There were some who wanted recommendations from the professors and so on. In short the motives differed but the immediate task at hand was common. I was not always comfortable with people who didn't share my motive. In some cases when I'd hear about any accounting issues, it would irritate me and has even led to bad breath with some of my college friends.
However in retrospect, I realize that all people despite their different motivating factors worked well as a team. The only reason they worked well was because they did have a selfish motive that could be achieved through the task at hand. I therefore say that it is alright to be selfish, as long as you also allow your conscience to have its way.

Finally signing off on this article, hoping that it makes the cut for the magazine

A Dummy's Guide to Baby sitting : Toddlers

Recently I visited a cousin of mine. She is mother to a kid who is currently a toddler.
During the visit I had the privilege to baby sit my nephew. While the experience of being responsible for the kid, albeit for just a few hours, may not teach much about parenting... It is still a great leveler... It taught me that a degree in college and growing up from infant to adult may give you all education and experiences to carry on life dauntlessly, but it can't teach you anything about kids. Even though all of us have been kids at some point of time ....we are never quite ready for handling kids ...until we have handled one...
After an emotional start to this post, its now time to get serious and give out the words of wisdom that I got from my few hours of baby sitting..

1. Toddler = Duracell Bunny....
The first thing I learned when my cousin left me with her kid is that kids are like the battery powered bunnies. I mean, most of us would have seen those battery powered bunnies which once powered up can keep running all day .. till the battery gets exhausted. The situation ain't any different here. A toddler is powered by food and milk, and once powered up ... its exactly like a Duracell bunny ... keeps running around, shouting, smiling, crying (all Moms reading this post .. please add a few more verbs). Typically the person running after the baby will get tired long before the baby needs a power up (foor or milk).


2. Toddlers are heavier than dumbbells.
Anybody who has done any weight training might beg to differ. After all dumbbells come in various weights and sizes and thus you could always pick up a 30 Kg dumbbell which is theoretically heavier than most toddlers...But there is one detail that a gym going bachelor will miss.....
The dumbbell is .. well .. dumb !!! and it does not fight back.
A toddler on the other hand will not sit quite on your arms. I learned that a kid needs to be occupied and entertained all the time. Not to mention that a kid will wriggle, play, jump around etc .. all of it when in your arms. Then again, unlike a dumbbell ... even if your arm hurts, you can't drop the kid.. Even if you try to put one down gently, the chances are that the kid may not be ready to give up the free ride on top of your arms....


3. Poop and Pee alarms - the most desired inventions for baby sitters.
We are in an age of technology. So I thought to myself what would be the most desired invention for baby sitter... A toddler as you might realize is not quite potty trained and thus will shit or pee without adequate warning. Sometimes even when perched comfortably on your arm. However as disgusting as the act may seem to you, I think the toddlers thoroughly enjoy the activity and its output. While you are searching for a place to dispose the diaper or a mop / tissue to clean up the pee, the kid will seize the to opportunity to play in the pee. Thus if some one invents a Poop / Pee alarm that goes off about a minute before the moment of truth, that invention will be very popular with babysitters.


4. "Actions speak louder than words"... "Crying Baby speaks louder than actions"
I once attended a soft skills training about body language. The trainer reminded us about a proverb to prove his point "Actions speak louder than words". That's often correct cause actions can be seen from a distance much farther than sounds can travel.
However inside a home, actions in one room can't be seen in another, but sounds can be heard. So we shout to get our voice across. Nothing however, can beat a crying baby. I think the crying of the baby is loud because it is a survival skill. At least till they learn to speak, it is the only language they know is to cry out aloud.... "wah wah wah.."
So for baby sitters here is a definitive guide to baby vocabulary...

Repititive "wah wah" (mostly unless the bottle of milk fails to quieten the baby) = Feed me
"wah wah" (with arms held upwards and an innocent look in the eyes) = Pick me up
"wah wah" (while looking at gadgets like mobile, remote control etc) = I want that toy
"wah wah" (with eyes half closed) = I am sleepy
Non stop "wah wah" (none of the above works) = I want my mommy
"wah wah" (when you try changing clothes) = I don't want to wear shorts / daipers
"wah wah" (when in your arms) = Put me down
Loud "wah wah" (when in your arms) = Stop restraining me

It looks simple yet so complicated. Everything the baby wants is conveyed just through its crying... I know most of us like to think that the baby's mom can make out the different needs from the way it cries ... The truth is ....all moms are as clueless as rest of us.
I think that they just try out different stuff (from the list above) till the baby stops crying.


5. Toys = An adult's futile attempt to understand the kid.
I think toy industry was built by adults to milk the helplessness of other adults when they are unable to understand the "wah wah" mentioned above. The whole idea they want you to believe in is that your kids need toys and that these toys can help them become smarter while they play. Certainly sounds useful, that is if the kid actually plays with the toys. While kids need toys, toddlers don't really bother classifying toys, gadgets, kitchen tools, furniture, books etc differently. For them anything and everything can be a toy.

When I saw my nephew playing with anything and everything that he could lay his hands on (mop, broom, gas lighter, mobile phone, telephone, remote control, electric switches, .... and of course his toys), I was reminded of that master card advertisement about watching something priceless. While I completely endorse the part about watching the kids play being a "priceless" experience, I think the toy industry does make significant profit by making us adults believe that the kids actually need those toys.
I think the truth is that we as adults want to play with our own toys (mobiles, laptops, telephones, tv etc) and not share them the kids, so we buy them toys and teach them to play with those.


6. The next generation always seems to be smarter than your generation.
While playing with my nephew, I observed a couple of things. First that he (like a lot other kids) wanted to play with gadgets and tools that adults use. Second that he was always thinking of ways and means to get hold of those gadgets. I heard that kids learn by imitation. If that is true, then it is no surprise that kids want to play with gadgets that we adults use. They are really just trying to imitate us. But we don't trust them with our gadgets, sometimes for their own safety. Thus the parents try harder and harder to keep their gadgets out of the kids reach. The kids keep coming out newer distractions, pranks, tricks to lay their hands on the gadgets. Soon it becomes like a game of chess played between the parents and kids. So the kids have to outplay adults to get hold of their toys (adult gadgets) and thus every time they succeed, they only seem smarter.


7. Laugh with the baby.
A small prank from my nephew will remain fresh in my mind for some time to come. In the morning while I asleep I felt something move beside my arm. That's where I had kept my mobile phone after turning off the morning alarm. A few moments later I heard my nephew laugh and my cousin shout at him. I woke up and saw that beside my arm was his milk bottle instead of my mobile, which was now in his hands. I was a little concerned about him thrashing my mobile to pieces, but when I saw the twinkle in his eyes and the smile on his face I was no longer worried about my mobile. He did manage to send out a couple of short messages while I was negotiating a trade (yeah... trade, you can't just snatch the mobile back.....lest they start their "wah wah") with him to get back my phone. I did eventually get my phone back but learned a simple and important lesson.

A baby laughs a lot throughout the day. Even simple things like the rotation of a fan when switched on can put a smile on a kids face. They remind us of the simple smile that we have all forgotten in our clockwork. Through all their tricks they give us opportunities to regain the lost laughter.

These were but a few tips based on my own experience. At the end a very important disclaimer. All those tips will be useless if you are faced with the task of babysitting a toddler... Wishing you lots of luck, cause every toddler is different and no matter how smart you are, the toddler will probably outsmart you.

dheeme, sureele, dil ke kareeb gaane

I have been tagged by "dust unsettled" to write about a few soft and soulful songs close to my heart.. A serious compilation would be rather long but ... I'll try to keep the list short and sweet...

Hai Apna Dil to Awara (Movie - Solva Sal. Singer : Hemant Kumar )
Kabhi Kabhi (Kabhi Kabhi, Mukesh)
Everything I do, I do it for you (Bryan Adams)
Tu Hi Re (Bombay, HariHaran)
Pal Pal Dil Ke Paas (Kishor Kumar)
Tum Ho To (Rock On, Farhan Akhtar)
Shamo saveren teri yaaden aati hai (Luky Ali, Sifar)
Aa chal ke tujhe mai leke chalon (Kishore Kumar)
With or without you (U2)
Tum se hi (Jab We Met, Mohit Chauhan)
........

I think my memory is a little slow ... and I might come up with a few more songs if the music catches my ears ..
Thus this is a work in progress post ....will keep adding to this...

Rocking in cradle of death

If one asks me what have I taken back from my experiences in last 3 days.. the spontaneous answer is "Life". The experiences I have had last few days were enough to reinforce my vanishing faith in God. A self proclaimed agnostic as I am, I think the experiences that I am about to narrate are enough for me to not became an atheist as yet, or may be ever.
My New Royal Enfield	It all started on the way back from a dinner meet with old college friends. There were no cocktails so I wasn't drunk at all. On my way back, as I was driving my new bike, I heard a low noise near my back wheel as if two objects were constantly hitting each other. I usually carry a second helmet and this time there was no pillion rider. I reached out my left hand to feel if the helmet was were it usually should be (on the pillion back rest) but it wasn't. I promptly stopped by the side of the road to check the status and found that helmet was hanging beside the back wheel (causing the low noise). I placed it in proper position and started accelerating again. What I didn't realise was that I hadn't moved the side stand from its parking position.
Oblivious to the fact that the side stand was just about an inch or so above the road, I accelerated the bike to my usual cruising speed of about 65 kph. After a few minutes I was about to change lanes and tilted just a little bit. The lane had some muddy debris on it. Just then heard a screeching (the side stand rubbing against the road) noise as if something was skidding against the road and the next thing I know the bike was down and so was I skidding against the road. I somehow got off the bike as it skid a few more meters ahead before coming to a stop. I got up walked up to the bike and picked it up, the engine then came to stop. There I was on the right most lane (fastest) of a "keep left" high way with my bike at a stand still and staring back thanking heavens that there wasn't any big speeding truck right behind me. In fact all this while there was no vehicle in sight. The first vehicle passed me only after I had mounted back on my bike and was attempting to bring it back to neutral gear to start off again.
I dragged my bike to the side of the road and then got off again to have a look at myself. A few scratches on the hand, a scratch on the left knee, a sore left thigh and shoulder, a torn left pant pocket, a scratch on the helmet was what I could see. Then of course was the site of me on the ground with the sparks flying off the leg guard of the bike as it skid away from me. A site firmly etched in my mind to remind me that I am lucky to be alive to tell the tale.	The leg guard that took the fall
It took me a few minutes to realise how lucky I was to escape with just a few scratches. I wiped myself up then drove back home another 15 kms or so and some how managed to hide the scratches from my family, who would have been shell shocked to hear this, needless to say that I wouldn't have gotten the permission to drive my bike again. I think eventually they will discover, but by then I would have regained my confidence and may be able to make a case for myself. After all one learns from mistakes and I am not in habit of repeating fatal mistakes.
As if the bike experience was not enough to scare the living day lights out of me, I went ahead the exact next day with my plan of doing the Harischandragad trek via the famous "Nali chi vaat". I somehow felt fit enough mentally and physically to try a testing route. Harishchandragad is host to remains of an ancient fort by the same name and a well known trekkers paradise near Mumbai and is well known for the scenic Konkan Kada, a semicircle shaped approx 1800 high feet vertical drop from the plateau of Harishchandragad. The "Nali chi vaat" is literally a path via a narrow pass formed by erosion due to a seasonal river. Among the trekker community in Maharashtra, this route is considered one of the most challenging ones and I discovered exactly that over the next 2 days. Our return route was another challenging route - a narrow pass called SadhleGhat.	The famous Nali chi vaat
I went into the trek carrying my bike accident scratches. Apart from the scratches I didn't feel any problems with my body so I went on with the trek plan. However about a couple of hours into the trek I realised that I had a sore right knee. I didn't think much of the knee and continued on with the slight pain. The route was fun (and challenging) so I kept moving from strength to strength. But small accidents had to be there. In one section I was trying a rock climb on a brittle slate rock and I slipped. Luckily I landed on my feet and remained balanced and escaped that fall with just a long cut on my elbow. By the time we reached the top, we were out of gas ( I mean water) and my knee was hurting real bad. Every time I bent the leg, to climb I could feel the pain in the knee. When we reached the cave temple atop the fort I was hoping that I had seen the last of my pain. I was so very wrong about my knee. The next day I woke up in pain and with the daunting thought of climbing down all the way with the pain announcing its presence every I time I bent my right leg to climb down. I had to try and avoid stress to that knee so I was walking as if I was handicapped on the right leg. That however meant that I had to sit down and drag my ass (literally) on some of the sections of the descent. I kept falling slipping, skidding, getting pricked by thorns all the way as we came down through the jungle and the mountain pass.
The rock that almost crushed my leg	At one point as I was descending, I sat on a rock about 1/3rd my size and was feeling my next step below, just when the so far steady rock moved right below my ass and dragged me with it. I hugged it with both my hands to prevent it from falling on my legs. Again as luck would have it, I was untouched by that rock. Thanks to my hands and a small stone that stopped the rock, which looked destined to trample my already injured right leg. Thankfully I did have the sense humour to pose for this snap while I was still figuring out, how to get up without moving the rock. A little help from our trekking guide and I was up and moving along again.
I made it back home all in one piece ready to write this tale. The last 3 days however have left me thinking as I literally been rocking in a cradle of death and survived it with nothing but a few scratches and a sore knee to show. The scratches will soon vanish and the sore muscles will heal. The memories will fade out as time passes by. However I think I'll still continue to remember these 3 days for a long time to come... may be even till my last breathe ...

This is a post from my other blog.
Original post can be found here

The Omni-present Lal Dabba

Dabba - the Marathi word for a box. Colloquially though it is considered synonymous with Lunch box. The moment some one with some knowledge of Mumbai, hears or reads the term Dabba, the famous 6 sigma Dabbewale spring to mind. Their efficiency is of course a research topic, but this post is about a different Dabba - the Lal Dabba (or Red Box).


So what's the lal dabba - a colloquial term for the cheapest State Transport buses. These are literally red boxes. A look at these buses and one would feel that all the manufacturers do is pick a large tin box, cut windows into it, put it on wheels, attached the engine and steering system, nail a few seats onto it and then paint it red. The interiors are filthy and stinky as there does not seem to be any cleaning or maintenance done on those since construction. The suspension of the bus seems to be non existent and you have to have strong spine to venture on a long journey in one of these (especially given the terrain where these buses ply). The bus rattles so much during journey that one starts to wonder how it manages to remain one piece. In essence the fact that these buses are still running itself is a wonder. Not to mention that for an urbane creature like me, the first experience of this buses is quite likely to be horrible and most of the people I know would love to avoid travelling in one of these buses.

With all the negatives well etched in my mind I usually avoided travelling in the Lal Dabba. As destiny would have it, I took up engineering in a college which was in Navi Mumbai and the urban transportation from Mumbai or Thane to that place was not very well developed. The train route was circuitous and city bus transport was infrequent and crowded at best. I did start off by taking the city bus transport but soon realised that the lal dabbas also plied on the same route and they were less crowded. Reluctantly I started travelling by lal dabbas.

Joy of the Lal Dabba
Within the next year or so I discovered the joy of the Lal Dabba. Mostly I travelled in those times of the day when the Sunlight would pierce right through the windows. The metal body of the lal dabba of course would have been heated up well by then and the air (this usually happened in late afternoon) would also be warm. All this gave the feel of the oven. Gradually one starts to feel drowsy. Add to that the rattling bus (like the rocking of a cradle) gives you a perfect place to doze off to sleep. What this meant is I usually managed to get about 1 to 1.5 hours of my daily sleep quota in the lal dabba. Now I am amazed how I did that but I think there were no better alternatives and it was a little difficult getting used to it. However once I mastered the art of sleeping in the bus, it was quite relaxing and sometimes even energizing. Of course my clothes would stink with sweat (from travelling in the sun baked oven), but what the hell, what's the washing machine meant for .

A tryst with Destiny (Lal Dabba)
After college with urban work life in Software I thought I would not have to travel in the lal dabba again. Wherever I travelled there were usually more comfortable means of transport. I was so very wrong.My own new found hobby of trekking made sure that my tryst with Lal Dabba was far from over. Most of base villages for trekking spots were quite remote. The only public transportation that went there were the Lal Dabbas. Usually the terrain was such that only possible other vehicles that you could take there were the off road vehicles (like SUVs) but they come out to be expensive. So soon enough I was hooked on to the Lal Dabbas again although only on those weekends when I went out for treks.

The omni-present Lal Dabba
Over the several years of I thought the significance of the Lal Dabba was that they were the cheapest public road tranport. I always blamed the negatives and the fact that their punctuality is undependable. For most part wherever I went, there was usually no fixed time for the service. People would always give me a range of timings for the the arrival of a single bus. However couple of instances changed my opinion about the STs completely.
Once I had gone out to trek to fort called Sudhagad. The base village was a remote tribal village. To get there from Mumbai we took 3 different modes of transport (train, bus, rickshaw). The last part of the ride was so bad that we were wondering how the rickshaw even managed to go through that terrain. The village was a tribal village which looked as if it hadn't changed much since independence of India. We were wondering how the village was connected to the rest of the world (after all the rickshaw we took to the place didn't agree willingly and we had to pay the driver a premium to take us there). On inquiries we found that there was a Lal Dabba that came to the place 3 times a day. I still didn't believe how the bus could get there regularly without having a flat tyre. That was till our return from the trek, when we found ourselves hurrying so that we get to the village back in time to catch the Lal Dabba. Sure enough there was a Lal Dabba and the conductor graciously agreed to wait a few extra minutes for the slow pokes in my group to get to the village. After that we all slept like babies thanking heavens for the Lal Dabba.

The Life line called Lal Dabba
At another time in a different situation we had a huge group of 35 trekkers who had gone out for a trek to another remote destination called Harishchandragad. This place is so remote that nearest village connected by road (called pachnai) is about 2 - 2.5 hours of walk from the Fort. There is no electricity atop the fort and even the mobile signal is available only at specific spots on the top. We happened to be there in rainy season. On our way back we got down to the village in fairly quick time. As soon as we got there we figured that due to rains and consequent land slides, the road was unsafe and buses were only plying till the next village which was another 10 kms away. Reluctantly we dragged our tired legs to the next village, just in time to catch the 3 :00 pm bus to the nearest Town (or so we thought). The bus did not arrive for another hour. Some one said that the bus does not ply on Sundays. We were starting to get desperate. After all taking 35 ppl back to Mumbai from that remote village did require big vehicle and bullock carts won't do. Among the ideas floated around were walking to the closest highway (about 20 kms) or getting one tractor / bike owning villagers to give one of us a ride to the nearest town so we could rent some jeeps to haul the whole group or even staying in the village overnight so as to catch the next morning bus (the only hitch in this option was we did not have enough food nor did the village have enough shelter for 35 extra people other than the verandah of the village school) . After a lot of searching one of the guys did get a ride from the villager and was on his way to the town. The rest of us were listening carefully to any noise of a motored vehicle in hope that the Lal Dabba was still on its way. Sure enough in the next few minutes (I think around 4.30 pm) the lal Dabba made its way. The ST bus was greeted by a huge shout from all 35 people as if we had just won a battle (after all we now knew that we were making it home the same day).
Hats off to the Lal Dabbas and their drivers and conductors .. for plying buses on routes where no one else ventures. These routes may not even be economically viable. But the important thing is that these buses serve as life lines providing the remote and isolated villages connectivity with rest of the world. We say that the world is available at the touch of a button thanks to internet. However before internet there is electricity and where there is no electricity .... the Lal Dabba is still there.

* This is a post from my other blog.
The original post may be found here

Rang De Basanti ?

I happened to watch Rang de basanti today. Just happened to relate the movie with current political scenario. Raj Thackrey's comments have definitely aroused a lot of sleeping souls. It has managed to create a lot of commotion.

What has followed i.e. Riots, arson, communal hatred is shocking. We as Indians have always been a diverse group. Our high school social science took pride in preaching the concept of "Unity in Diversity". Yet whenever elections are around the corner, some politicians successfully utilise the british legacy of "Divide and Conquer".

I grew up in Mumbai with kids who were multi-lingual and each of us had a different mother tongue. But the language we spoke was only nothing more than a barrier to communication. Ironically we had the British legacy English as the common language (apart from hindi) to break the barrier.In essence Mumbai has been the melting pot of India. I am sure every person who has spent some time in Mumbai has expeienced this melting pot at some time or other.

Despite this how do politicians manage to divide us? Consider the latest issue of jobs. We all know that there are always more unemployed people than the jobs on offer. In a situtation who is snatching the jobs ? Isn't it the case where every jobless individual is competiting against every other job less person? Isn't healthy competition important to progress ? Is regional reservation in jobs really the answer to provide a fair ground for every one ? Has 60 years of reservation in education changed anything ?

These are just some questions that spring to my mind as I reflect upon the news around me.Thoughts welcome.

The Chat Client

I have written about my laziness and also about my room-mates most whom shared that trait of laziness. Usually I was lazier than my room mates and I used to pass on my laziness to them. However I guess every one eventually meets a match and so I met mine. So when I met the subject of this post, I figured he was not just a match but a clear winner when it came to laziness.

I had known this person a bit, before we became room mates, as somebody who loved trekking and had a good physique (which I assumed was a result of work out). Naturally I assumed that he should be an active person. However within a week of living with him, I realised that he was quite opposite of what he seemed to be at the first go.

I am a lazy cook but when forced to cook, I know some survival tips (Read more here). However I was not expecting those to be put to test the way this guy did. First I learnt that he was a worse cook than me. Then I figured he knew all about surviving without cooking (Read more here). I hadn't written the survival guide then, but I guess most lazy people are smart enough to figure it out soon. Soon I had to divide work so as to get him to do some cooking as well. However I think my stay with this guy managed to teach me enough to write the survival guide "Cook Like a Bachelor"

If the laziness about cooking was not enough, I soon learnt that he was also as unhygienic as me. So like many lazy bachelors he too had a lot of energy saving traits
- avoiding bath on weekends
- Reusing his socks until they smelt foul enough to have no choice but to wash them
- creating a mess of paper, clothes etc around his room
....
the list of goes on
I share a lot of these traits too, but this guy almost managed to make me feel ashamed of these traits by outdoing me in those.

However given the common traits and love of laziness, we managed to get along well, be good friends and there were almost no arguments as our views matched a lot about how things at home should be. Thanks to laziness for that.

What ever has been said so far should probably be good enough to earn him the adjective of "Sloth", however there was one thing that took away that honour from him. He was almost obsessed with chatting on the internet.

The chatting obsession was so much that one could almost view him as if some object dedicated to chatting. Hence the name chat client - after the genre of softwares like yahoo messenger - something he used a lot. Thus I could see him chat in the morning till the point we started off for work. I could see him glued to his PC when I came back from work. Even when we were cooking food, there he was placing his laptop on the kitchen platform, right beside the cutting board. Even when he was cooking all by himself , I could see him multitasking.

He was a little more sensitive than most guys I have known, which I think allowed him to be some one who could talk a lot with females and listen with empathy. Naturally he had a lot of female friends. So even though we were in US, he still managed to stay in touch with some of those friends back home in India. The time difference between the two countries meant that he had to stay up late nights to be able to chat with his female friends (or should I say girl friends). Thus I would sometimes wake up in the middle of night only to see a faint glow from the laptop screen. Guess what .... there he was chatting away with some one or other.

His chatting habits were so extreme that they were almost good enough to term him as eccentric. The peak of his eccentricity was when he presented to me a whole new way of multitasking while spending time on the "great seat of thought" (also referred by some people as Potty). It say happened that one fine day I woke up to note that my room mate was missing and so was his laptop. After looking around the flat I figured that he must be in the toilet/bathroom. After half an hour he emerged from the place much refreshed and with the laptop in his hand. And no he was not refreshed from a bath. On questioning him he said that thanks to the availability of wireless internet, he had just discovered that he could stay online and chat even when on the potty. Soon enough it became a habit for him. This habit so contagious too. Thus even I ended up carrying the laptop with me to the potty a few times. I have to agree it is indeed a useful diversion when on the seat of thought.

After I moved to India I have not been in close contact with him. We do meet up sometimes when he in town, but I guess he has now given up his chatting habits. I rarely see him online now. Also came to know recently that he got married. Naturally I think there are more avenues for him to spend his time than chatting with girl friends (or should I say ex-girl friends). However the one thing I'll continue to remember about him is his eccentric chatting habits.

Are Indians secular or racist ?

Racism - a term which commonly denotes race-based prejudice, violence, discrimination or oppression. Its a term that brings to mind the images of Nelson Mandela fighting apartheid in South Africa or pages describing Martin Luther King Jr's struggle in the 1960s in the USA. If we turn the clock a few more decades behind then it brings out our very own Mahatma's non violent movement in South Africa and then in India which of course eventually led to a free India we know today.

The constitution of India went on to use adjectives such as "Secular" for the Republic of India. I grew up reading that definition of the Indian Republic in our text books. However as I grew up and understood the society around me a little better and beyond the text books, I started wondering whether we really are secular people.

It was interesting to note how passionately all the "fairness" creams market themselves on television. Some even talk about reducing 'Melanin' from the skin. My high school science text book talked about the same pigment as an essential ingredient in protecting the human skin against harm from Sun. This means that people living in Tropics naturally ought to have more of it. Yet the overwhelming number of products that claim to reduce the effects of this pigment is surprising. But there should obviously be a good reason why it is so?
The reason, i guess, is our fascination with fair skin. I am not very sure what the roots of this fascination are. It may be due to our colonial past where the English whites were the masters or it may be even the current economic dominance of the Americas and Europe - again areas with largely fairer population. The discrimination based on fair skin is of course not very explicit or rampant as in the past but nevertheless it is present in its own subtle ways.

If the dictionary definition of racism may be extended then, the diversity in India brings in a few more flavours of the same. The English dictionary of course has separate names for these flavours such as casteism, communalism, regionalism. For me though these are simply different flavours of everything wrong that racism stands for.

At the most granular level is Casteism. This is one form of discrimination which is the most Legal everywhere. Indian has several different castes and a history of several centuries of discrimination based on castes. Given this history it is one form of discrimination which should perhaps be banned and it is. However the very constitution which defines India as secular, leaves wide and deliberate gaps to allow discrimination based on caste. This gap is called "Reservation". Reservation for the backward castes in education and jobs. A welcome move 60 years ago when India got its independence and this discrimination was rampant. It was hailed as one move that will present opportunity to the "backward" classes of the society move ahead be seen as equal with rest of India.
60 years is a long period. Most of the first few babies born in independent India have now retired from their jobs. Some have become grand parents. Two generations have come into being since. One would have expected that the equality of castes would now be well established. Yet it remains a problem ingrained in our society. In some parts of India like the remote villages of the underdeveloped states, I would view the lack of political will that manages to divide the society based on this "caste" mentality. On the other hand in metropolitan cities like Mumbai, its the legal "Reservation" that promotes this divide.

For 15 years of my childhood I viewed my classmates as friends and fellow students. We all respected each other for our abilities and strengths and helped each other overcome weaknesses. But when it was time to secure admission to the best education institutes after school - I came face to face with "reservation". Separate admission list for the "Reserved" and "General" category. I was left wondering - we all grew up in similar neighbourhoods, we all went to similar schools, we all gave the same exam, and we all worked hard to get our grades,then why these separate lists? That question of course has several debates and answers in favour and against. For me though this question marked the introduction to casteism and the feeling of being discriminated against - even when I myself never discriminated against anyone. The biggest disappointment was, not that there was discrimination, but the fact that it was all legal. The children of the poor and underprivileged have to struggle hard to get educated. This struggle is theirs to face, and it is so, irrespective of the caste they belong to. Yet the outdated basis of "reservation" continues to be. It begs the question,"Is caste discrimination Legal in India ?" I think this question will continue to have an ambiguous answer for some time to come.

If casteism was not enough to divide the society, then there is another form of discrimination which comes to haunt us. Perhaps in a worst way then it should. That is communalism - specifically based on religion. While I take pride to say that India is home to followers of most religions available in the world, its sad that this difference is sometimes the cause of unnecessary turmoil. This word reminds me of the times when I walked on streets under fear of rioting mobs. This situation has been perhaps best brought out in Mani ratnam's movie Bombay. India has had to witness several riots over the years, for various reasons. The two big ones (1984 and 1992-93) that I witnessed were communal in nature. It is suffice to say that when this communalism raises its ugly head, the melting pot and economic capital of the country, definitely burns....

Then of course is regionalism, a form of discrimination which is not as obvious as the previous two. Even though there is nothing preventing a citizen of India to travel, work or reside in any part of the country, this form of discrimination threatens that very freedom from time to time. I think it is the separation of states based on linguistic majority, that allows for politics that promote this regionalism. The best example of such politics of course is the recent news about comments from politician Raj Thackeray which enraged a lot of North Indians. Yet again it managed to divide a united city of Mumbai.

Today, as a citizen of free India, when I think of the above words I start to think "Are we Indians secular or racist ?". I think its one choice that each of us has to make consciously. I choose to be secular and hope that it is so for the rest of my countrymen.

Laziness as the Mother of Invention

As a school kid I read in the English language text book "Necessity is the mother of invention". They even had a fable to prove the point. I am not sure what that story was but I am sure a there are a lot of people who endorse this school of thought. I have a slightly modified version of the above school of thought. I call it the lazy mind. According to this "Laziness is the mother of invention". I am sure a lot of people will be there to refute this claim and I welcome them all. In the next few paras I'll present my perspective so as to get the reader thinking of Laziness as the mother of invention.

I mentioned about my English text book at school and the fables it presented. However as I grew up, I discovered that a lot of inventions that are a part of our daily life, are not entirely inventions that came out of necessity. They were more likely the children of some lazy mind.

At the epitome of the Lazy inventions is of course the object which is a cause of a few tussles in every family with a single TV - the remote control. I bet some wannabe couch potato somewhere figured that he/she was losing a lot of weight by just getting up to change the channel or volume. This lazy mind / body then worked hard to serve the laziness and invented a device that we all know as remote control. It is one invention which has ushered the emergence of a whole breed of couch potatoes.

Then of course there is a whole industry which might have (I suspect) its root in the laziness of the man kind. Consider this, locomotion in all terrestrial life form is traditionally the function made possible by legs. For centuries that was the only form of transport for Man. As man grew smarter, he learnt that domestic animals could carry them. Then came the carts pulled by those animals. Of course not all people could afford to own animals like horses I guess average man was still compelled to use his own legs for personal transportation. Then somewhere some one invented the bicycle. Very soon the bicycle was a hit. But imagine what its inventor was thinking. "I am sick and tired from walking to work every day. I want to spend less energy in going to work." In short the lazy devil had taken control and then that person must have looked at coming out with something that went on wheels and allowed his ass to rest somewhere while he moved. Thus was born the bicycle. Then of course I guess some one lazier thought that the bicycle was a lot of effort and that animal driven carts caused a lot of mess (read dung). This led to the invention of motorized vehicles. Again an invention that was driven by the lazy mind. Soon enough we have the whole automotive industry revolutionizing the 20th century. It has revolutionized and made mankind so lazy that now the basic activity of walking (or even cycling) are considered forms of exercise.

There is no denying that these motorized vehicles save a lot of time in travel and that may be the most important benefit of those at this point. However one may also argue that their existence became possible because there were some lazy minds out there who were willing to work hard so as to achieve a result which would provide betterment for their own laziness. Contradiction (hard work to serve laziness?) .. huh ... of course...

I can bet there are a whole lot of inventions like the ones mentioned above that are really the results of lazy minds. To get the reader thinking, here are a few more examples .. Washing machine (my mom and I think that clothes are cleaned better by scrubbing by hand but still both of us prefer usage of washing machine),dish washer, vacuum cleaner, coffee machine, lazy boy chair (for all people who watch "Friends" TV series .. there are a couple of these in the Joey - Chandler apartment)

Another important aspect to some of the inventions today is that while they serve the laziness of a person, they have other advantages to such as saving of time, effort, cost etc which can translate to a monetary value and hence the inventions are sustained or were backed with investment to be able to see light of the day as some of the appliances mentioned above. Thus while necessity is a mother of invention ... I postulate that the necessity itself is created out of laziness and hence we may view "Laziness as the mother of invention"

The Art of Sleeping III

3. Geek Stance
In the first article of this series I mentioned how it is difficult to catch a good night's sleep in Mumbai. As I entered work life, I figured that the bookworm stance wasn't quite possible given the new settings where I am in a cubicle and a computer monitor stares at me. Of course since everyone around me is working seriously, sleeping should perhaps be the last thing on my mind. After all I get paid to work and not sleep. However often the lack of sleep in the rest of the day meant that I had to pay of my sleep debt somehow. That's when I learnt the power of Power Nap.

Put simply it is a short sleep of 10 - 15 mins taken during lunch breaks, tea breaks or simply breaks from work. The best way to do this is to simply put the head down on the desk, or sit back in the chair. However I soon learnt that not all colleagues / bosses are appreciative of power nap. So I invented the Geek stance. All one has to do is support the head with both palms and stare at the monitor. Then open some sort of document, code, spreadsheet, presentation, email etc. This gives an impression that one is actually reading / thinking through the document on screen. Then simply close the eyes and steal your power nap. This way the enemies of power nap think you are reading and you get your much needed nap.

Again there are pit falls and this stance may not work well if the cubicle walls are less than 5 feet since the lower height would mean someone could even spot your closed eyes from a distance. If someone stands behind for sufficiently long then that person would realize that you are not reading at all since the page hasn't moved. Of course a really long power point presentation may be used to offset this since the presentation is capable of turning pages automatically. In short given the office settings and their openness this stance requires a lot of alertness, lest some one might catch you. This strategy can of course cost you the job if the manager hates power naps so this is a "handle with care" type of strategy. Be sure to gauge your surroundings well before trying it out

The Offbeat Mainstream Bollywood

As the mall - multiplex culture engulfs the Urbane Indian, so does a new look Bollywood. Not that Bollywood is undergoing a plastic surgery of sorts but there is a subtle, seamless yet definite change that has arrived in Mainstream bollywood. An avid Hollywood fan would say that Bollywood is aping Hollywood, but the change I am talking about is perhaps not aping of Hollywood. It can't be denied however that the new look bollywood has started to produce movies with varied themes, Themes which till a few years ago were considered, by many Indians, as the forte only of Hollywood and something which was acceptable only in Indian "ART" Cinema.

We have grown up watching the formula bollywood movies. Thus any standard bollywood movies has one or more of the following elements from Shakespearean novels

1. Merchant of Venice - Good Natured Hero Beats up the bad guys and saves (the world, his family, his village, himself, etc) or plain revenge. Now Antonio or Portia didn't really beat up Shylock but lets pull in Hamlet to add that twist.
2. Romeo and Juliet - Rich girl falls in love with poor guy (or viceversa although I consider the formed to be more common) or girl and boy from rival families in love giving rise to family feuds etc.
3. Twelfth Night - Brothers meet 20 years after being separated (in Kumbh Mela /due Murder of their parents by the Baddie /due to Father goes to jail for a crime he didn't do) etc. Actually even Sisters meet this way, but Brothers seem to be more common. This not truly Twelfth night but the separation - meet again part comes close.
4. Last but not the least - Family melodrama involving quarrels (Saas - bahu, bhai bhai, baap beta etc) instigated by a internal baddie (Mama, Chacha, Step Mom etc) - I think this is more Indian with roots in Ramayana / Mahabharata than Shakespeare. Thinking of Shakespeare however reminds me that yeah there is King Lear which might prove some inspiration.
5. Of course there are other novels who provide their bits like Macbeth, Othello etc (etc refers to the rest of the Shakespearean world / other authors I haven't really bothered reading)

Of course all of the above are completely Indianised with several song and dance sequences and lot of good old emotions. Thus a typical Bollywood move would have complete entertainment (or so they claim) with the customary happy ending (except for perhaps some Romeo - Juliet types) . Having grown up on an appetite of such cinema, Hollywood always provided the much required relief by providing themes that catered to the need to watch something different.

The mainstream Bollywood could be thus defined as cinema that sticks to the standards above and aims to make money. That films can also be a creative art is often ignored by the so defined mainstream. Thus creative art or social / current affairs based cinema was thrown out of the mainstream and branded as "ART" meaning don't bother looking at their Box office records or entertainment value, just appreciate the art.

However last few years I have observed that now mainstream cinema apart from the formula movies also produces some movies which are different and creative or based on social topics or even current affairs. These are produced with an eye at the box office and entertainment value.
So what sets them apart - simplicity, entertainment value, creativity, and most importantly different story lines. The story lines do not follow the mainstream that we have grown up with.

What really prompted me to write this article is the fact that number of these movies has increased so much that in last 4 weeks I watched 4 movies in the cinema halls and all of them were not really traditional mainstream. Given their entertainment value and box office returns they can't be branded "ART" either. Thus I came up with the word "Offbeat Mainstream"

So here are some takes on a few of the recent "Offbeat Mainstream"

1. Rang De Basanti - No intro needed, for any bollywood fan has probably seen it. A movie about contemporary carefree youth woken up by history and and a sense of duty to friendship and to the nation. Its one of those movies that really has inspired the Indian youth to take a look at doing something for the nation. The ending was realistic with all the main characters getting the poetic "immortality" albeit not a happy one. Yet the movie was a hit with an audience that loves happy endings.

2. Kabul Express - Not many liked this one. Yet it was a good attempt to bring out the reality of war ridden Afghanistan in an entertaining way. The reality brought out shakes you up but then again reality is never sweet as sugar.

3. Shootout at Lokhandwala - Now Gangster movies are not very new to bollywood and we have had a trend of those movies for quite a while now. What's new here however is the fact that this is a movie which tries to glorify ordinarily unknown real policemen who have gone beyond the corrupt image of police. It brings out real life heroes, without projecting them as larger than life characters. This is one very violent movie yet the violence, fights, shootouts are quite realistic. Although it does have elements from main stream bollywood (read romance, music, good guy beats the bad guy) its indeed a complete shoot out.

4. Life in a Metro - A movie about extra marital affairs. The plot has a nicely intertwined web of extra marital affairs which spans almost all the main characters. A great sound track and some great performances. A story about a section of society which looks beyond their lives for the happiness that eludes them within. Its not necessarily a story of you and me but definitely entertaining with some very hilarious moments and yes scenes perceived as "Very bold" for Indian cinema.

5. Khosla Ka Ghosla - This is a smart, humourous story about a bunch of middle class junta who swindle a nasty builder / businessmen to lay claim to the land which is rightfully theirs. A simple story line and ordinary characters like you and me, yet a very entertaining movie.

6. Bheja Fry - Now this one is very difficult to describe. Its a movie with no story but just a sequence of events that lead to a situational comedy. Its indeed a Bheja fry, for the one character responsible for the laughs in the movie can do exactly that to the brains if one of is lucky or unlucky enough to bump into one. A must watch for any one who likes the Garfield jokes where Odie is being kicked around.

7. Ek Chalis Ki Last Local - A movie about Mumbai. The dark side of the city very smartly brought out in a comedy. Its a movie which presents everything bad in Mumbai - overworked professionals, prostitution, gang wars, corruption, extortion, ladies bars, gambling etc and even some not so spoken about topics like homosexuality, eunuchs etc. All that quite explicitly and realistically in a single movie and yet at the end of it you come out laughing. A must watch for any Mumbaite and someone who doesn't mind a slightly adult comedy.

My list could go on. These however are a select few which I watched quite recently and have managed to entertain me (not that it is difficult to entertain me). However these are the movies that mark the acceptance of the Offbeat Mainstream Bollywood by the Indian audience.

Cook Like a Bachelor

In my post on Cook like a Lazy Bachelor, I published a process which was till now a closely guarded secret by lazy bachelors like me. Thus publishing some serious cooking tips for bachelors becomes imperative.
The next few tips will be useful if a "lazy bachelor" ends up with another lazy bachelor or a smart guy who can see through the plan. These may also be considered Survival tips .. to be used when other options are ruled out.

1. An onion a day, keeps the ophthalmologist away :
Whether you like cutting onions or not, onions are arguably the most important and universal ingredient of a bachelors recipe. They can be used to add taste and a little bit of that crunch to almost any vegetable. The Dal Tadka is incomplete without onions. Most egg preparations only taste better with onions.
Cutting onions is sometimes boring and does definitely make you cry. However given the onions importance I choose to look at the bright side. Crying means that my eyes will be cleaned up of any dirt and unwanted particles. So fewer trips to the ophthalmologist.

2. Ande ka Funda..
If Onion adds taste, the Anda (egg) saves the bachelor. If onions are the universal ingredients, Anda forms the universal content of the side dish(sometimes even the main). Eggs can be prepared into various preparations - half fry, full fry , boiled eggs, omelet, bhurji , egg curry and so on. They all go really well with bread, so you have bread omelet, bhurji pav, french toast etc. The best part is all the egg preparations are extremely easy to make and bread is available off the store shelf. Thus the combination of Bread and Eggs soon forms a important part of a Bachelor's diet. Those unfortunate souls who prefer being vegetarians, have learn cooking more complex dishes for they cannot buy the "Ande ka Funda".

3. You can't go wrong with "Two Minute Noodles" -
This is perhaps better known as Maggie. A Nestle brand which has become synonymous with 2 minute noodles. Easy to cook, hassle free, and fast, not to mention that reasonably nutritious too.
For a novice cook nothing is as straight forward as Maggie. As one learns more cooking this becomes the back up food as it is not as tasty if it were the only thing available in each of the 3 -4 meals in a day (breakfast, lunch, tea time, dinner).

4. Breakfast = Cornflakes / Bread Jam.
Corn flakes and milk or Bread and Jam - not many breakfast items can claim to be more nutritious and easy to prepare as these two. Again like all things mentioned so far, the key is simplicity, and easy to cook (read as I am too lazy to try cooking something else). US of course provides many more variations to this list in form of Texas toasts, break fast snacks, oat meals, cookies etc. With all those options available, whoever thought of anything else , would have to give up his claim to being lazy.

5. Masala = Put it all together -
For any Indian female who can cook (most of them can cook well), a masala is an assortment of spices - chili, turmeric, coriander leaves, cilantro, asafoetida and a wide variety of other spices that only my nose can smell but my vocabulary can't describe. These of course are used in carefully measured quantities and most women are so finicky that the slightest change in any content or quantity seems to spoil the whole meal. However for a bachelor a masala is literally put it all together. So my masala consisted of whatever of the above mentioned spices I could lay my hands on and in acceptably small non measured quantities. All of that thrown together so that it would taste different (hopefully edible) each of the time. That way the meal has a element of surprise and you don't have to hunt for new recipes each day. The same recipe can taste different seven days a week.

6. Fruits and Juices are good for health.
As Laziness reigns supreme the drive to cook goes down. On the other hand the sinful stomach (paapi peth) yearns for food. Often (especially weekend mornings) a clash between the two brings out the importance of having fruits. Fruits are nutritious, natural, wholesome food. Not to mention they are very good for health and are even known to have medicinal properties. With all those advantages mentioned, it is but natural that having only fruits on one of the days is definitely a good idea.

7. Married couples need others for company as well.
It is interesting how humans are social. That's one of the reasons most people marry is for companionship. However I think the companionship of just the spouse is sometimes to boring. Especially after a few years of marriage. As a bachelor, me and my roommate were sometimes getting invited to a dinner or so by married couples. That's when we realised that even married couples need other friends for company. Naturally we were ready to fill in that void. So soon after that realization dawned upon us we were inviting ourselves to dinner / lunch at other peoples places and then our hosts would be quite happy to feed us. This is one survival lesson that I learnt cause my roommate was as lazy a bachelor as me. Often neither of us wanted to cook and that's when this solution struck us.

8. Lazy Bachelors invented the Pizza delivery.
If nothing else works you can always call up the Pizza store and have a pizza. Nor really a very healthy food, but it tastes good and comes for a reasonable price. After all this is a last ditch effort to keep your hungry stomach at bay.

The Art of Sleeping - II

2. Bookworm Stance
This style is particularly useful in college and school. It takes advantage of the fact that people who immerse themselves into books usually end up being considered as studious people or simply "bookworms".

To use this stance one needs to first find a place where this stance may be executed conveniently. Most lecturers tend to pay attention to people sleeping in the last benches. The front benchers on the other hand are usually people who like to raise their hands either to ask or answer questions. Thus both these places have fair amount of attention from the teachers. Thus the middle benches are most appropriate as most teachers end up ignoring these benches.

Once the place is selected, open a relevant page on text book and set yourself up in a position to read it. This means that you are now looking down into the book and no one can see your eyes. Next place your elbows on the desk and use your opened palms to support your head. This way even if you fall asleep your head won't move much to reveal your truth. The best part is that in this position every one else will think that you are concentrating real hard on the current lesson in the book. Most people don't want to disturb a bookworm immersed in his books and thus you are safe. A pair of spectacles if available with you will only add to the book worm feel.

The above set up seems perfect but there are pit falls.

• If you are caught up on the same page for too long or if the chapter is changed, some one might realise that you are not reading.
  
• If the teacher suddenly poses a question to you, you might be caught.
• If the teacher doesn't like people opening the text book in the class and prefers students paying attention to the black board, then this style will make you an obvious target to questions.

In short, this style is more suited to cat naps upto 10 minutes or so and beyond that the probablity of getting caught sleeping increases exponentially with the amount of time spent sleeping. Thus this is one of those styles which you want to use with care, lest it reflect bad on your grades on getting caught .... (i can vouch for the bad grades)