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Aeons ago (circa 2005) 3G was still just a concept, smart phones and tablet PCs like iphone and iPad were science fiction and broadband internet was a pricey reality. In those days (like today) every one got up early in the morning and commuted to work every day. Then followed the usual daily grind with the coffee to keep you awake through the day and then the commute back was unwelcome reality. Working from home or Telecommuting was a seldom encouraged option and stuff only meant for extra-ordinary circumstances. Most bosses would equate "working from home" to slacking at company cost.
In those days, I happened to be working at a client location in the US. The client - a reputed financial institution was experimenting with a concept they called "Future of Work". The guinea pigs of this experiment were a section of employees in the IT department of the company. I was in this batch of guinea pigs.
So what is Future of Work (FoW)?
The experiment was basically a specially designed workplace in a
separate building and all of us who were part of this experiment were to
be moved to that building. Each employee was given a laptop. Remember this was aeons ago in Computing terms... only people on the move (like sales) or senior managers were provided with company laptops. So for a ordinary software developer .. that too contractor, getting a company laptop was a big deal. Employees also got a blackberry. Again in those days having a blackberry attached to your belt was a corporate style statement which said - "I am important to the company". As a contractor I had to make do with only a laptop.
That was not all we were given a guided tour to the new working place. The new workplace was a fully WiFi enabled building. Most existing desktop computers then could connect to a network only using CAT5 cables so WiFi in the building could well be deemed as unnecessary cost. Each floor was a large open area with several rows of open desks instead of cubicles. The desks were spacious and each desk had a monitor, a phone and a laptop docking station. The obvious missing thing was a cabinet. We were told that we won't have fixed workstations but could occupy any available empty desk.
Days before the move we were handed the detailed briefing documents. Each of us would have a wifi enabled laptop (with VPN connectivty software), an extra set of laptop batteries, a land-line code and a land-line number. Besides employees would also have their blackberry. We were supposed to carry these devices with us like schoolbags. There were assigned cabinets for us and a few fixed corners of the floor where these cabinets should be put away at the end of the day. Remember none of us had fixed desks.
Each day when we entered the work area, we had a short drill. Locate an empty desk of interest, and dock the laptop. Punch the land-line code into the phone and it would immediately become our own personalized land-line with a fixed extension. Then for those of us who chose to leave any papers or stuff in the cabinet, we had to drag the cabinet to this desk. That's it.
Of course given WiFi, we could stay connected from the coffee break out rooms, meeting rooms or even corridors.
It was a paradigm shift in terms of a start of day drill. It felt as if we were all nomads and each day we were to pitch our tent so we could spend time in office.
The most interesting part was that the total number of desks were sufficient for only like 80% (may be even less) of the total staff assigned in that building. The theory (or so I heard) of the management was that on any given day about 20 % of the staff is not at desk due to leaves, work from home, meetings etc. This may have been supported by statistical data but seemed logical. Thus the company could potentially save about 20 % on recurring real estate and related costs. Of course if even 90% of staff did actually turn up to work place on a given day, there would be a serious space crunch. They even had a solution to avoid this problem. The company would pay for the broadband bills of employees so that they could be connected to the company network (via VPN over broadband). This meant that unlike past, bosses wouldn't mind if you were not in office - as long as you were reachable via email and phone and the work was getting done.
Now this being a new concept some people were not quite happy with it. A few days into this concept the early starters would show up and occupy their favorite desks and had converted those into fixed desks like the old days. So for some employees it didn't really matter that the company was experimenting with a new concept. They just wanted to continue with their old style of work. But there were others like me for whom this concept suited perfectly.
Lazy as I was, I would never wake up in time to start work at the 9 (official start time). In fact I would get up at about the time the office was supposed to start.
With FoW I wouldn't bother dashing to office in a hurry. Instead, I would camly open the laptop while still curled up in my bed, and connect to the office network. A quick check on emails and urgent issues and responses as needed were enough to give my boss the impression that I was already busy with work. Since there were no fixed desks, I figured if anybody wanted to meet me in person they wouldn't know where to find me and if I wasn't seen they would probably think that I was sitting in some distant corner of the floor. After my morning routines I would dash to office at about 10 - 10.30 am (or at the time of start of the first in-person meeting). Sometimes meetings were a boring affair where I was only present to provide input on a certain aspect and rest was just jibber-jabber. I would then multi task on my WiFi connected laptop and get some other work done.
After all daily meetings were done, I would leave office at about the time as the early starters (people who started office before 9) were leaving office. The idea was to avoid traffic of the late evening. I would reach home and finish off the day by responding to the last few emails of the day via VPN.
Often I would feel a little too lazy (i.e when there were no in person meetings in the day) and would just stay back home the whole day.
The flexibility that this FoW provided was like stuff of dreams for me then. That of course reflected in my next appraisal where the client had rated
me highly and I got an improved overall performance rating. I was of completely
surprised when it happened. While I think my room mates (who knew my real FoW drill) thought I was turning into a slacker, it actually had worked wonders for my performance. In retrospect, I believe without worries about work day and flexibility of both time and place of work, I could do the heads down work from a place of my comfort (home) at a time of my choice. Naturally when I did sit down to work, I could get more work done in same time as past.
Like all good things there was a flip side to this as well. Bad weather was no longer a reason to stay away from work. As long as there was electric power supply and internet at home I was expected to be able to get the job done.
Often during "production issues" I ended up working at weird hours of the night (not to mention while still curled up inside the blanket). In other words the laptop was always perched somewhere nearby my pillow. The distinction between work place and home, which I had always maintained quite religiously was getting blurred. All said and done, I thought it was a very interesting concept and really the Future of Work. In a few months, I moved on to another client and this experiment did not continue for me.
6 years later, now 3G is a reality, tablet PCs and smart phones are now everyday devices that even kids can use. Broadband prices have remained stable and speeds have gone up. WiFi is common not only in office buildings but also other commercial establishments (e.g. Airports, coffee shops). In short high speed internet connectivity can be achieved from virtually anywhere in urban regions. Networking socially has become an on-line affair in form of modern social networking sites like Facebook and LinkedIn. Technology companies are now comfortable with a flexi-work ethic. In my last job as a pre-sales consultant, armed with a laptop, vpn connectivity software and USB data card, I could work not just from home, but literally anywhere.
This whole transformation makes me excited about the technology improvements that are to come. Being a technology enthusiast and believer in efficiency of machines, I dare to say the following. Fuel costs are rising and so are urban populations. Cities are expanding and pretty soon everyday travel to and fro from work will seem like an expensive (both on the wallet and mind) and avoidable drill in favor of using that travel time more constructively. This has already happened in large cities like Mumbai. Thus people will prefer "Working from home" over office, traveling only when the job requires face to face interactions. Perhaps even face to face interactions will move to use video conferencing. Thus what was seen as an experimental style of working a few years ago is getting wider acceptance and might soon become a reality. In that sense, the Future of work is here !!............isn't it ?
Showing posts with label Bachelorhood Nostalgia. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Bachelorhood Nostalgia. Show all posts
Sunday, December 18, 2011
Sunday, December 04, 2011
The Attraction of Cacophony
I happened to watch the movie Rockstar last week. While the reviews for the movie have been in extremes, I was quite positive about this movie and it lived up to my expectations .... The sound track was quite apt and somewhere in the middle I found myself head banging to the tune of "Sadda Haq" ....The immediate next moment I was full of nostalgia .... Suddenly I felt like life had rewound more than a decade to college days....Having momentarily relived that moment, I think it is perhaps apt to pen down that memory.
The source of this memory is the RAIT (my college) festival called "Akarshan" (means Attraction in Hindi).
My first memory of this festival is during my "FE" days. It was the second semester - usually full of a lot of events and among them was the indoor festival Akarshan. A few hand made posters adorned the walls announcing the festival and inviting budding singers/ musicians or for that matter anybody even willing to try their skills (or lack of it) was welcome.
One fine evening I heard sound of music (mostly drums and guitar) emanating from the basement. I followed the sound into the SUC (student union council) room. The room was full of budding singers and a few musicians willing to play the available instruments (keyboard, drums, guitar and I think there was a tabla).
The beauty of this festival was it didn't matter whether you were trained to sing, had raw talent or a bathroom singer (yours truely). There were no real selections or restrictions for the performance. All you had to do was pick a song of your choice, sing it in and hope that you synchronize with the instruments.
In some time, I too got a chance to make an attempt. Till that bathroom melody (read cacophony) was my specialty and I'd even memorized a few songs entirely.
Thus I tried singing one of those songs. Couple of attempts and the musicians (who if I may mention, were already tired of putting up with other bad singers for hours) gave me a look indicative of "please synchronize" with the music. One helpful senior took me aside and attempted to give me a crash course into the concept of notes and pitch etc ... obviously falling on deaf ears. A realization soon dawned that evening when I taped myself and played it back. I was downright cacophonous to my own ears. Still I was happy that other FEs and my friends had gone ahead and tried their voice and were scheduled to sing on the big day.
A few days passed and the big day arrived. It was a Friday and by mid day, most lecturers were pretty lax. The stage was laid out. Right at the entrance of the college building was an open area from where one could look straight up to the roof. On four sides of this area were stair cases and walkways leading to the various labs and classrooms. The stage was laid out in such a way that anybody could view it from the stair cases or railings of the walkways. I looked at the stage and the area around it and wondered how the whole bunch of students ( I guess all 4 yrs of Engg accounted nearly a 1000) were going to fit in that stage.
Nevertheless the excitement was sinking in.
By 3pm, most lectures had either finished or called of lectures. Some of the older Professors were seen rushing out in hurry. A look at them and it felt like they were fleeing away from inevitable disaster. The seniors were seen scavenging for old notebooks, journals and any useless paper that they could lay their hands on. The paper was swiftly torn to shreds. I was wondering what was going on. An hour passed by and I realized how the whole bunch of students managed to watch the show. Every inch of the railing had some one leaning on it. Every stair had some one standing on it. Benches were pulled outside classrooms to make up seats. In short within a span of an hour, the whole college building was converted into a mini-stadium with stage at its center.
As the orchestra and host of the day were still checking the instruments, the crowd started shouting "Start the F***ing music". The sheer reverberations of so many abuses demanding music made the place seem like hell rather than a college. No wonder those older profs had run away. It would take a strong heart and some serious talent to silence this raging crowd. The next few hours were a generous mix of soulful music and heavy metal, melody and cacophony, Indian and western.
Every singer was greeted with a bunch of paper balls aimed at his mouth as soon as he opened it to sing. If the announcement said that the singer was an FE, then the wrath was even worse, as a bunch of abuses tried to silence him/her (mostly him - engg college has few girls and even fewer girls who dare to sing). Even the abuses were hurled in unison and there was a certain tune to Ma********* ... Bhe**********. The orchestra should be appreciated, as despite the frenzy around them, they supported even the most cacophonous singers who dared to sing.
Quite a few singers were pretty good and every good singer was soon enough met with a sing along from the crowd. The better singers were appreciated with "Once more".
Standing there among the crowd gave a feeling of being in a mini concert. I wasn't into Rock music at that point of time but this yearly concert served as my initiation into the world of rock. Soon enough I could rattle out a few names from my mouth. Likes of Eagles, Pink Floyd, Bryan Adams, Metallica, Nirvana, Def Leopard (to name a few) were among the favorites. I learned to let loose by head banging and swaying arms to soulful tunes. Any singers who sang some of those songs well were highly appreciated. Some even earned bows from the whole crowd and thus this little concert even had a fair share of local celebrities. I remember one fellow blogger (writes a blog by name Dirtscapes) was renowned for his rendition of the Eagles classic "Hotel California".
As I end this little blog post I would like to mention a particular memory. I was an SE (second year engineering), and during this festival one FE had sung A.R.Rehman's hit "Aye Ajnabee" so well that he not only became a local celebrity (earned bows and once mores) but was one rare FE to have been known by seniors by his real name (Vishal) instead of the collective name FE. That was a rare feat. But as bad luck would have it, he soon suffered a terminal illness. I don't when exactly but at one point of time this guy was in need of an operation and we learned that the family couldn't afford it. A fund was started by students and every one was putting their hard earned pocket money into a little box. All people knew was their beloved singer was in need of it. I don't think the money eventually helped and left the whole college mourning the loss of a rare singer. Incidentally I share my first name with this fellow and even though I did not know him personally, I would like to dedicate this post to him ... Simply for those 5 minutes when he managed to give the whole crowd a soulful experience with his singing abilities. May his soul rest in peace.
The source of this memory is the RAIT (my college) festival called "Akarshan" (means Attraction in Hindi).
My first memory of this festival is during my "FE" days. It was the second semester - usually full of a lot of events and among them was the indoor festival Akarshan. A few hand made posters adorned the walls announcing the festival and inviting budding singers/ musicians or for that matter anybody even willing to try their skills (or lack of it) was welcome.
One fine evening I heard sound of music (mostly drums and guitar) emanating from the basement. I followed the sound into the SUC (student union council) room. The room was full of budding singers and a few musicians willing to play the available instruments (keyboard, drums, guitar and I think there was a tabla).
The beauty of this festival was it didn't matter whether you were trained to sing, had raw talent or a bathroom singer (yours truely). There were no real selections or restrictions for the performance. All you had to do was pick a song of your choice, sing it in and hope that you synchronize with the instruments.
In some time, I too got a chance to make an attempt. Till that bathroom melody (read cacophony) was my specialty and I'd even memorized a few songs entirely.
Thus I tried singing one of those songs. Couple of attempts and the musicians (who if I may mention, were already tired of putting up with other bad singers for hours) gave me a look indicative of "please synchronize" with the music. One helpful senior took me aside and attempted to give me a crash course into the concept of notes and pitch etc ... obviously falling on deaf ears. A realization soon dawned that evening when I taped myself and played it back. I was downright cacophonous to my own ears. Still I was happy that other FEs and my friends had gone ahead and tried their voice and were scheduled to sing on the big day.
A few days passed and the big day arrived. It was a Friday and by mid day, most lecturers were pretty lax. The stage was laid out. Right at the entrance of the college building was an open area from where one could look straight up to the roof. On four sides of this area were stair cases and walkways leading to the various labs and classrooms. The stage was laid out in such a way that anybody could view it from the stair cases or railings of the walkways. I looked at the stage and the area around it and wondered how the whole bunch of students ( I guess all 4 yrs of Engg accounted nearly a 1000) were going to fit in that stage.
Nevertheless the excitement was sinking in.
By 3pm, most lectures had either finished or called of lectures. Some of the older Professors were seen rushing out in hurry. A look at them and it felt like they were fleeing away from inevitable disaster. The seniors were seen scavenging for old notebooks, journals and any useless paper that they could lay their hands on. The paper was swiftly torn to shreds. I was wondering what was going on. An hour passed by and I realized how the whole bunch of students managed to watch the show. Every inch of the railing had some one leaning on it. Every stair had some one standing on it. Benches were pulled outside classrooms to make up seats. In short within a span of an hour, the whole college building was converted into a mini-stadium with stage at its center.
As the orchestra and host of the day were still checking the instruments, the crowd started shouting "Start the F***ing music". The sheer reverberations of so many abuses demanding music made the place seem like hell rather than a college. No wonder those older profs had run away. It would take a strong heart and some serious talent to silence this raging crowd. The next few hours were a generous mix of soulful music and heavy metal, melody and cacophony, Indian and western.
Every singer was greeted with a bunch of paper balls aimed at his mouth as soon as he opened it to sing. If the announcement said that the singer was an FE, then the wrath was even worse, as a bunch of abuses tried to silence him/her (mostly him - engg college has few girls and even fewer girls who dare to sing). Even the abuses were hurled in unison and there was a certain tune to Ma********* ... Bhe**********. The orchestra should be appreciated, as despite the frenzy around them, they supported even the most cacophonous singers who dared to sing.
Quite a few singers were pretty good and every good singer was soon enough met with a sing along from the crowd. The better singers were appreciated with "Once more".
Standing there among the crowd gave a feeling of being in a mini concert. I wasn't into Rock music at that point of time but this yearly concert served as my initiation into the world of rock. Soon enough I could rattle out a few names from my mouth. Likes of Eagles, Pink Floyd, Bryan Adams, Metallica, Nirvana, Def Leopard (to name a few) were among the favorites. I learned to let loose by head banging and swaying arms to soulful tunes. Any singers who sang some of those songs well were highly appreciated. Some even earned bows from the whole crowd and thus this little concert even had a fair share of local celebrities. I remember one fellow blogger (writes a blog by name Dirtscapes) was renowned for his rendition of the Eagles classic "Hotel California".
As I end this little blog post I would like to mention a particular memory. I was an SE (second year engineering), and during this festival one FE had sung A.R.Rehman's hit "Aye Ajnabee" so well that he not only became a local celebrity (earned bows and once mores) but was one rare FE to have been known by seniors by his real name (Vishal) instead of the collective name FE. That was a rare feat. But as bad luck would have it, he soon suffered a terminal illness. I don't when exactly but at one point of time this guy was in need of an operation and we learned that the family couldn't afford it. A fund was started by students and every one was putting their hard earned pocket money into a little box. All people knew was their beloved singer was in need of it. I don't think the money eventually helped and left the whole college mourning the loss of a rare singer. Incidentally I share my first name with this fellow and even though I did not know him personally, I would like to dedicate this post to him ... Simply for those 5 minutes when he managed to give the whole crowd a soulful experience with his singing abilities. May his soul rest in peace.
Saturday, November 26, 2011
Picking up the RAIT attitude
I watched the bollywood hit movie 3 Idiots (again) recently. The movie is about life in the Engineering campus. Being an engineer myself, I ended up relating a lot to the movie and some of its scenes. It inspired the writer in me to start typing a few memories from that life and in the process try and relive the nostalgia.
I passed H.S.C with flying colors (or so I thought) ... but soon enough I realized that my colors weren't flying high enough to land me into the top colleges of Bombay. So I took a tour of New Bombay (or Navi Mumbai as it is called now) the adjacent city to short list alternatives. A look at the vast RAIT campus (the D.Y.Patil campus) in Nerul and I was sold. Soon enough I'd secured admission into this college through the centralized admission system and here I was staring at the notice board in the college trying to figure out how my next four years were going to be. The college for First Year Engineering (F.E as we would be known for the rest of the year) hadn't started yet. I was there just to pay the fees.
Naive and idiotic as I was, I had traveled there all alone. After I was done with the formalities, I was looking for the canteen so that I could have a beverage to quench my thirst. RAIT then was notorious for "ragging" but I did not know that.
As I was wandering about clueless on the ground floor looking for canteen, I saw a friendly looking person with a book in hand. I figured it was good to ask for directions (rookie mistake no 1... never ask a senior for directions on day one). I think the book was really a decoy so that the spotter could trap gullible juniors like me.
This senior politely asked me if I was an FE. I did not understand the significance of this word yet. He even politely explained to me the meaning and then I said yes. Then instead of guiding me to the canteen (thankfully he did not - I learned later that canteen = hell for FEs) he took me to his classroom.
There I was in an FE's nightmare (if not hell). A classroom comprising of about 20 odd Second year (SE) boys spending their free lecture. I was the source of their entertainment. Now the whole infamy of the word ragging dawned upon me. The next one hour was spent with various connotations of the F*** word and S** words being hurled at me. If I thought something was a joke and opened my mouth to smile I was to flush my smile (can't describe the meaning .. but it sort of equates to flushing after shit in the potty). One of the early scenes of the movie 3 idiots shows a bunch of juniors being "ragged" by a bunch of seniors with a customary salute ("Jahapanah tussi great ... tofah kabool karo"). I was also taught a similar (less vulgar) salute (aka RAIT salute). Towards the end of the hour a few girls entered the classroom. I was thanking God for getting me out of this nightmare ... but I was wrong. The Nightmare just got worse for this shy guy (yours truely) cause I used to be a shy guy in front of girls. There was this bold female standing before me. One of the SEs behind me dared me to propose to her. As I was standing tongue tied in front of this female, she instantly pointed to huge Macho guy (for those who know me as a lean guy now, I was a bag of bones then weighing just about 50 Kgs). She mentioned that he was her boyfriend and if I dared say anything he would beat the crap out of me.
The next few moments seemed like an eternity and I was nearly sweating trying to figure out what to say. Finally the SEs decided to pity the nice guy in me. One senior walked with me out of the campus (lest some other SE catches me again).
The long 1.5 hr journey back home was a thought provoking one. I was feeling humiliated and questioning my decision to enter this college. Then I thought,what the hell .. all they did was challenge me to open my mouth and hurled a few abusive words for being silent and shy. The one hour was an eye opener to the challenges of the real world. I was no longer in my neighborhood - the protected kid of protective parents. For my life hereon I would always be on my own in the world. Yes, the parents and well wishers would be there if I needed their help. However I would have to shape my life hereon. There dawned the my first lesson of Engineering - "Be Shameless" (which also loosely translated to be bold, give up your inhibitions etc).
A few days later I returned for the beginning of the first semester. I saw whole army of rats (read as FE). We had strength in numbers. But at the first sight of a cat (reads as SEs and any other seniors), the rats would disperse and hide in their rat holes (FE classroom). There my "be shameless" attitude became my boon. Thanks to my previous brush with seniors I was no longer afraid to hangout outside the classroom. The rest of the FEs were always hiding inside the classroom till evening and then run home. The very seniors who had been a part of my nightmare were now quite chatty with me (to be precise they wanted to sell their FE text books to the new batch). Among my batch mates, I was seen as a bold (aah .. a new meaning of shameless) FE as I would talk to the seniors.
I was even responsible for introducing a few FEs to SEs willing to sell books without first ragging the junior. I even learned (albiet not at my own expense) why the canteen was treated like an FEs hell. I ventured into canteen at lunch time. The canteen was inside the basement, with dull lighting. It seemed like dark dungeon. The smoke and steam from kitchen made it look like the dungeon's furnace. The place was certainly a little more than warm. There was a whole bunch of seniors (like an army of cats) busy with their stuff ...smoking, writing journals, discussing sports, discussing college politics, discussing their subjects, banging benches and also having food. Any single FE caught there would then serve as a source of entertainment for seniors for rest of the day. If one group had to leave the canteen, the FE would simply be passed around to the next group and so on. In that sense, for an FE, the canteen was really hell. Thankfully my previous acquaintances (nightmare) with some of the seniors meant that they
were now quite friendly with me. So if any unknown senior would serve thoughts of messing with me, these friendly guys would come to my rescue.
Over the next month I had metamorphosed, from a shy guy who cared about a lot of things people said to or about him, to somebody who didn't give a damn about things people said about him. I learned to "be myself" and be proud about being that self. This next month was also the month where most FEs dreaded the seniors. All of us in FE did not have our names ... we just had one collective name "FE". If a senior shouted across the floor "Aye FE" it meant run for your life. Of course my early brush with seniors meant that I was unafraid of the seniors or ragging. Towards the end of the month, was the grand FE nite - party thrown by the seniors to all FEs. It was the informal welcome from all seniors to juniors and and end of the period of dreading the seniors. From now on no senior would attempt to trouble this batch of juniors. This was kicked off by some seniors doing the RAIT salute in front of juniors.
Of course the word ragging took a new meaning for us for the next four years. We learned (as Viru Sahasrabuddhe from 3 idiots would say) that "life is a race". Every one in the college would be there ragging us (so to speak). There were the boring lectures where some bad lecturers threatened us into attending lectures with "attendance norms". There were the lab assistants who would make faces at us as they handed out old and crappy lab equipment for the practicals as if they were handing out their life savings. Then there were the term work Submissions at end of each sem, where each of bold and dauntless students were reduced to mowing like cows in the hope that our Term work would be accepted and we would be cleared without the ignominy of KT (aka Allowed to Keep Terms - which I'll explain in my next RAIT blog). That one hour of ragging was nothing compared to the torture that the college staff would put us through over the next four years. To say the least, the very seniors whom we avoided for the first month, were to become our saviors over the next couple of years. They would provide us tips and tricks (besides books, journals and notes) to help tide through the term work submissions and exams.
Its has been more than a decade since my FE status.Almost a decade now since I left my college, I don't remember much of what was taught in my curriculum...The extra curricular stuff though (including that little one hour nightmare) did prepare me for my life thereafter and so far. Alongside the "be shameless" and "be myself", I learned several small lessons over the next fours years that I collectively call the "RAIT attitude" (pronounced Right attitude).
Attention around ragging by both college and law enforcement has increased and they are rather strict. In most colleges FE students need not hide like rats. But I ask, has the ragging really stopped.... I mean the students may have stopped ragging their fellow students. The real ragging by the system and enforcers continues in the name of exams, term work and syllabus. The emphasis is still on theory and mugging than on creativity, innovation and learning.
Signing off this one - hoping that future RAIT students learn a little more than just the RAIT attitude.
PS : For a more funnier account of Joys of being and FE click this link from another fellow RAITian who writes the blog named Dirtscapes
I also thank him for inspiring this blog and in general indirectly influencing my writing style.
I passed H.S.C with flying colors (or so I thought) ... but soon enough I realized that my colors weren't flying high enough to land me into the top colleges of Bombay. So I took a tour of New Bombay (or Navi Mumbai as it is called now) the adjacent city to short list alternatives. A look at the vast RAIT campus (the D.Y.Patil campus) in Nerul and I was sold. Soon enough I'd secured admission into this college through the centralized admission system and here I was staring at the notice board in the college trying to figure out how my next four years were going to be. The college for First Year Engineering (F.E as we would be known for the rest of the year) hadn't started yet. I was there just to pay the fees.
Naive and idiotic as I was, I had traveled there all alone. After I was done with the formalities, I was looking for the canteen so that I could have a beverage to quench my thirst. RAIT then was notorious for "ragging" but I did not know that.
As I was wandering about clueless on the ground floor looking for canteen, I saw a friendly looking person with a book in hand. I figured it was good to ask for directions (rookie mistake no 1... never ask a senior for directions on day one). I think the book was really a decoy so that the spotter could trap gullible juniors like me.
This senior politely asked me if I was an FE. I did not understand the significance of this word yet. He even politely explained to me the meaning and then I said yes. Then instead of guiding me to the canteen (thankfully he did not - I learned later that canteen = hell for FEs) he took me to his classroom.
There I was in an FE's nightmare (if not hell). A classroom comprising of about 20 odd Second year (SE) boys spending their free lecture. I was the source of their entertainment. Now the whole infamy of the word ragging dawned upon me. The next one hour was spent with various connotations of the F*** word and S** words being hurled at me. If I thought something was a joke and opened my mouth to smile I was to flush my smile (can't describe the meaning .. but it sort of equates to flushing after shit in the potty). One of the early scenes of the movie 3 idiots shows a bunch of juniors being "ragged" by a bunch of seniors with a customary salute ("Jahapanah tussi great ... tofah kabool karo"). I was also taught a similar (less vulgar) salute (aka RAIT salute). Towards the end of the hour a few girls entered the classroom. I was thanking God for getting me out of this nightmare ... but I was wrong. The Nightmare just got worse for this shy guy (yours truely) cause I used to be a shy guy in front of girls. There was this bold female standing before me. One of the SEs behind me dared me to propose to her. As I was standing tongue tied in front of this female, she instantly pointed to huge Macho guy (for those who know me as a lean guy now, I was a bag of bones then weighing just about 50 Kgs). She mentioned that he was her boyfriend and if I dared say anything he would beat the crap out of me.
The next few moments seemed like an eternity and I was nearly sweating trying to figure out what to say. Finally the SEs decided to pity the nice guy in me. One senior walked with me out of the campus (lest some other SE catches me again).
The long 1.5 hr journey back home was a thought provoking one. I was feeling humiliated and questioning my decision to enter this college. Then I thought,what the hell .. all they did was challenge me to open my mouth and hurled a few abusive words for being silent and shy. The one hour was an eye opener to the challenges of the real world. I was no longer in my neighborhood - the protected kid of protective parents. For my life hereon I would always be on my own in the world. Yes, the parents and well wishers would be there if I needed their help. However I would have to shape my life hereon. There dawned the my first lesson of Engineering - "Be Shameless" (which also loosely translated to be bold, give up your inhibitions etc).
A few days later I returned for the beginning of the first semester. I saw whole army of rats (read as FE). We had strength in numbers. But at the first sight of a cat (reads as SEs and any other seniors), the rats would disperse and hide in their rat holes (FE classroom). There my "be shameless" attitude became my boon. Thanks to my previous brush with seniors I was no longer afraid to hangout outside the classroom. The rest of the FEs were always hiding inside the classroom till evening and then run home. The very seniors who had been a part of my nightmare were now quite chatty with me (to be precise they wanted to sell their FE text books to the new batch). Among my batch mates, I was seen as a bold (aah .. a new meaning of shameless) FE as I would talk to the seniors.
I was even responsible for introducing a few FEs to SEs willing to sell books without first ragging the junior. I even learned (albiet not at my own expense) why the canteen was treated like an FEs hell. I ventured into canteen at lunch time. The canteen was inside the basement, with dull lighting. It seemed like dark dungeon. The smoke and steam from kitchen made it look like the dungeon's furnace. The place was certainly a little more than warm. There was a whole bunch of seniors (like an army of cats) busy with their stuff ...smoking, writing journals, discussing sports, discussing college politics, discussing their subjects, banging benches and also having food. Any single FE caught there would then serve as a source of entertainment for seniors for rest of the day. If one group had to leave the canteen, the FE would simply be passed around to the next group and so on. In that sense, for an FE, the canteen was really hell. Thankfully my previous acquaintances (nightmare) with some of the seniors meant that they
were now quite friendly with me. So if any unknown senior would serve thoughts of messing with me, these friendly guys would come to my rescue.
Over the next month I had metamorphosed, from a shy guy who cared about a lot of things people said to or about him, to somebody who didn't give a damn about things people said about him. I learned to "be myself" and be proud about being that self. This next month was also the month where most FEs dreaded the seniors. All of us in FE did not have our names ... we just had one collective name "FE". If a senior shouted across the floor "Aye FE" it meant run for your life. Of course my early brush with seniors meant that I was unafraid of the seniors or ragging. Towards the end of the month, was the grand FE nite - party thrown by the seniors to all FEs. It was the informal welcome from all seniors to juniors and and end of the period of dreading the seniors. From now on no senior would attempt to trouble this batch of juniors. This was kicked off by some seniors doing the RAIT salute in front of juniors.
Of course the word ragging took a new meaning for us for the next four years. We learned (as Viru Sahasrabuddhe from 3 idiots would say) that "life is a race". Every one in the college would be there ragging us (so to speak). There were the boring lectures where some bad lecturers threatened us into attending lectures with "attendance norms". There were the lab assistants who would make faces at us as they handed out old and crappy lab equipment for the practicals as if they were handing out their life savings. Then there were the term work Submissions at end of each sem, where each of bold and dauntless students were reduced to mowing like cows in the hope that our Term work would be accepted and we would be cleared without the ignominy of KT (aka Allowed to Keep Terms - which I'll explain in my next RAIT blog). That one hour of ragging was nothing compared to the torture that the college staff would put us through over the next four years. To say the least, the very seniors whom we avoided for the first month, were to become our saviors over the next couple of years. They would provide us tips and tricks (besides books, journals and notes) to help tide through the term work submissions and exams.
Its has been more than a decade since my FE status.Almost a decade now since I left my college, I don't remember much of what was taught in my curriculum...The extra curricular stuff though (including that little one hour nightmare) did prepare me for my life thereafter and so far. Alongside the "be shameless" and "be myself", I learned several small lessons over the next fours years that I collectively call the "RAIT attitude" (pronounced Right attitude).
Attention around ragging by both college and law enforcement has increased and they are rather strict. In most colleges FE students need not hide like rats. But I ask, has the ragging really stopped.... I mean the students may have stopped ragging their fellow students. The real ragging by the system and enforcers continues in the name of exams, term work and syllabus. The emphasis is still on theory and mugging than on creativity, innovation and learning.
Signing off this one - hoping that future RAIT students learn a little more than just the RAIT attitude.
PS : For a more funnier account of Joys of being and FE click this link from another fellow RAITian who writes the blog named Dirtscapes
I also thank him for inspiring this blog and in general indirectly influencing my writing style.
Monday, January 24, 2011
A salute to my XBOX
Ever since as a kid when I first saw an Atari console at a friend's place, TV video games always fascinated me. However they were quite pricey then and I didn't dare ask my dad for one.
Even when I got my first computer while in college. I had to convince my Mom that I was going to use it strictly to supplement my engineering education (i.e. programming, research etc).
With computer a whole new avenue of education and entertainment (mostly the later) opened up. Soon enough I found myself fighting with my brother over usage of the computer. Both of us were completely hooked on to computer games (mostly strategy and simulation). Given that we were in our teens we also used it for educational purposes (perhaps not the education that my Mom intended .. but you get the point).
Years passed, I graduated with flying colors (i.e. managed to clear all subjects and got a job). The gaming hobby was now in my blood but being away from home meant I was away from my dear computer as well. Soon enough I found myself in an "Electronics City" store in the US staring at a whole bunch of different gaming consoles. My research had already narrowed the choice between the Playstation II and XBOX. There I was staring at all those consoles with a look of "the kid in the candy store". It was the day after Thanksgiving sale and while rest of my roommates were busy coming up with strategies to lay their hands on the best deals on their electronic gadgets (cameras, mobile phones, laptops and so on). Here I was in the gaming section, staring at the XBOX (being sold at its regular price), a 10 year old kid caught inside the body of a 23 yr old me. Finally the temptation, to own the only gaming console in the neighborhood, won (definition of neighborhood here is limited to the few Indians who lived in the same apartment complex and worked for the same client).
On day one I got my first controller and a Star Wars game. Of course no one else among my roommates were interested in Star wars itself, let alone being interested in seeing me play a unskilled Obi-Wan on the only T.V. available in the room. So I had to struggle to get hold of the T.V. for games. I figured the only way I could play games on that T.V. if they were all interested in playing the same game as me and I had to have extra controllers.
Thus I got Dead Or Alive III and one extra controller. Soon enough everyone found that with human opponents button mashing the controllers, the fighting games provided far bigger challenges then the ones they had scene as kids. When I returned to India, it was even easier to get my roommates hooked onto games. Soon we found ourself planning new strategies, learning new attack - defense combos to beat each other. Of course DOA was not only about fighting. The beautifully designed female fighters added to the visual treat - of watching the ladies gracefully execute the moves. I think we eventually got over the visual treat and were all interested in beating each other fair and square. Although the best fighters - Jan lee, Hayabusa and Brad Wong (think mostly due to the ease of controlling them) were all male, who can ignore Helena, Kasumi, Leifang or Ayane.
I think the funniest fight I can remember was a day before leaving Bangalore for good. Me and two of my dearest roomies most of us drunk to the point of being emotional. Then we got in to a discussion about who amongst us was a better fighter. Obviously being the owner of the console, I had to bet on being the best. While being a few pegs down and barely able to keep my head stable let alone being half asleep, I was betting against all odds. More so because the other guy who used Hayabusa to very good effect, had already beaten all of us and he had not been drinking that day. Since I was drunk, it had to be Brad Wong, the drunken master who was my character of choice. After all this way I could feel one with the character that I was playing online. I don't remember how many fights we had decided on, but half way through my only supporters (the other two drunk guys) fell asleep. Then it was only me, with no cheering concentrating as hard as I could. The only other sane person in the room (chacha) was having a hearty laugh watching my butt (or rather brad wong's behind) getting kicked as also watching me move in the same way as my character moved on screen. After a lot of effort I did eventually I win (or was it that Hayabusa let me win). However all the effort meant that I stayed away from drinks for a long while after moving from Bangalore.
My second trip to US brought with it a few more new roomies and opportunity to improve my portfolio of games (which was limited to 2 at that point). So the famous Halo - a game largely considered the reason for the popularity of the XBOX itself, made its debut on my console. Soon enough I found myself playing the Mithun da / Rajnikanth of gaming aka Master Chief. Master Chief provided me with several hours of the vicarious thrill of shooting several evil Aliens. Most missions typically started with a few supportive fellow humans (computer controlled dumb soldiers who usually died long before a particular mission was accomplished). However soon enough, I would find myself the lone soldier taking on hordes of Aliens.
Halo's music track was quite engrossing, the alien opponents were quite smart and switched their stance between being aggressive to being stealthy depending on the situation. While first person shooters have improved drastically over the years, I think the strong story line, engrossing sound track and most importantly the relatively smart AI really helped Halo gain its cult status. Once I had completed a significant number of levels, the challenge started to become redundant and only the number of aliens increased. A few new and hardy aliens came up to improve the challenge, but by now I realized that I needed to involve my room mates for lasting fun. Soon enough two more controllers were bought and saturday afternoons or friday nights became battle time.
After trying different battle configurations we found that all of us were pretty slow shooters and not meant for a fast deathmatch. However we all loved to play the hide and seek using sniper rifles. Again it is not really hide and seek if you can see through the eyes of all 4 players (i.e. 4 way split screen), but every now and then we managed to sneak into places that the other 3 guys wouldn't know and then the battle was on. I remember a short battle where me and one my roomie aka "Master Chef" (note the missing I) were literally facing off. Thanks to the split screen we could both see each other. One guy hiding in a den somewhere in the mountain and the other guy hiding behind a distant tree. We both kept moving and shooting at each other for a few minutes without a single bullet touching each other (so much for being good snipers and all ). During this whole battle we felt like those cowboys from the movies. Those few minutes we were pretty much in the same hiding place and those gun shots felt like taking an eternity to get close to the other guy. Yet when the fight was eventually settled, it had only been a little over a couple of minutes (I think). I think the Chef eventually won, gaining his crown as the best with the Sniper rifle, but we had just fought an epic battle (at least for epic for all the roomies).
Not all good things last and neither did our Halo battles. I had to move to a different location on project deputation and was now at a place where I did not have half a dozen friends or roommates. Then I discovered the fun of XBOX live with DOA2 Ultimate and Halo 2, the live versions of 2 of my favorite games. Playing over internet had its advantages and disadvantages.
On the bright side, I was never a lone player and with just a few clicks could play online and face off against world's best.
The disadvantages however outweighed the advantages. I was good at beating the computer and would often feel overconfident and decide to go online for a real test. Only then did I realize that the world's best were true pros. So not only that I lost, almost every time I suffered humiliating defeats sealing my status as an amateur at best. Besides having gotten used to playing on split screen, the lack of it meant that I couldn't see through my opponents eyes, which only made my situation worse. Even so I think I managed a decent amateur ranking later on in DOA. While playing on internet provided a challenge, the fun of beating roomates and teasing them in face was definitely missing. Nevertheless I still remember those good times of playing on internet.
Years have passed since those fun days. The live version DOA2 has been stopped for ever and replaced by its successor (DOA4). The XBOX console I used is now two generations (by gaming console age) old. My own console is rusting in peace underneath a cloth that hides it like a kafan. The few wires hanging from it serve as the reminders of those good times. Those memories itself have started fading in my mind. So I thought it would be best to post them online. It feels as if I am writing an eulogy for a dead pet just before doing its last rites. As I sign off, I have found a store which claims to be able resurrect my dear XBOX. So I sign off with the hope that I will be able to let it live an after life and maybe even relive some of those memories.
Even when I got my first computer while in college. I had to convince my Mom that I was going to use it strictly to supplement my engineering education (i.e. programming, research etc).
With computer a whole new avenue of education and entertainment (mostly the later) opened up. Soon enough I found myself fighting with my brother over usage of the computer. Both of us were completely hooked on to computer games (mostly strategy and simulation). Given that we were in our teens we also used it for educational purposes (perhaps not the education that my Mom intended .. but you get the point).
Years passed, I graduated with flying colors (i.e. managed to clear all subjects and got a job). The gaming hobby was now in my blood but being away from home meant I was away from my dear computer as well. Soon enough I found myself in an "Electronics City" store in the US staring at a whole bunch of different gaming consoles. My research had already narrowed the choice between the Playstation II and XBOX. There I was staring at all those consoles with a look of "the kid in the candy store". It was the day after Thanksgiving sale and while rest of my roommates were busy coming up with strategies to lay their hands on the best deals on their electronic gadgets (cameras, mobile phones, laptops and so on). Here I was in the gaming section, staring at the XBOX (being sold at its regular price), a 10 year old kid caught inside the body of a 23 yr old me. Finally the temptation, to own the only gaming console in the neighborhood, won (definition of neighborhood here is limited to the few Indians who lived in the same apartment complex and worked for the same client).
On day one I got my first controller and a Star Wars game. Of course no one else among my roommates were interested in Star wars itself, let alone being interested in seeing me play a unskilled Obi-Wan on the only T.V. available in the room. So I had to struggle to get hold of the T.V. for games. I figured the only way I could play games on that T.V. if they were all interested in playing the same game as me and I had to have extra controllers.
Thus I got Dead Or Alive III and one extra controller. Soon enough everyone found that with human opponents button mashing the controllers, the fighting games provided far bigger challenges then the ones they had scene as kids. When I returned to India, it was even easier to get my roommates hooked onto games. Soon we found ourself planning new strategies, learning new attack - defense combos to beat each other. Of course DOA was not only about fighting. The beautifully designed female fighters added to the visual treat - of watching the ladies gracefully execute the moves. I think we eventually got over the visual treat and were all interested in beating each other fair and square. Although the best fighters - Jan lee, Hayabusa and Brad Wong (think mostly due to the ease of controlling them) were all male, who can ignore Helena, Kasumi, Leifang or Ayane.
I think the funniest fight I can remember was a day before leaving Bangalore for good. Me and two of my dearest roomies most of us drunk to the point of being emotional. Then we got in to a discussion about who amongst us was a better fighter. Obviously being the owner of the console, I had to bet on being the best. While being a few pegs down and barely able to keep my head stable let alone being half asleep, I was betting against all odds. More so because the other guy who used Hayabusa to very good effect, had already beaten all of us and he had not been drinking that day. Since I was drunk, it had to be Brad Wong, the drunken master who was my character of choice. After all this way I could feel one with the character that I was playing online. I don't remember how many fights we had decided on, but half way through my only supporters (the other two drunk guys) fell asleep. Then it was only me, with no cheering concentrating as hard as I could. The only other sane person in the room (chacha) was having a hearty laugh watching my butt (or rather brad wong's behind) getting kicked as also watching me move in the same way as my character moved on screen. After a lot of effort I did eventually I win (or was it that Hayabusa let me win). However all the effort meant that I stayed away from drinks for a long while after moving from Bangalore.
My second trip to US brought with it a few more new roomies and opportunity to improve my portfolio of games (which was limited to 2 at that point). So the famous Halo - a game largely considered the reason for the popularity of the XBOX itself, made its debut on my console. Soon enough I found myself playing the Mithun da / Rajnikanth of gaming aka Master Chief. Master Chief provided me with several hours of the vicarious thrill of shooting several evil Aliens. Most missions typically started with a few supportive fellow humans (computer controlled dumb soldiers who usually died long before a particular mission was accomplished). However soon enough, I would find myself the lone soldier taking on hordes of Aliens.
Halo's music track was quite engrossing, the alien opponents were quite smart and switched their stance between being aggressive to being stealthy depending on the situation. While first person shooters have improved drastically over the years, I think the strong story line, engrossing sound track and most importantly the relatively smart AI really helped Halo gain its cult status. Once I had completed a significant number of levels, the challenge started to become redundant and only the number of aliens increased. A few new and hardy aliens came up to improve the challenge, but by now I realized that I needed to involve my room mates for lasting fun. Soon enough two more controllers were bought and saturday afternoons or friday nights became battle time.
After trying different battle configurations we found that all of us were pretty slow shooters and not meant for a fast deathmatch. However we all loved to play the hide and seek using sniper rifles. Again it is not really hide and seek if you can see through the eyes of all 4 players (i.e. 4 way split screen), but every now and then we managed to sneak into places that the other 3 guys wouldn't know and then the battle was on. I remember a short battle where me and one my roomie aka "Master Chef" (note the missing I) were literally facing off. Thanks to the split screen we could both see each other. One guy hiding in a den somewhere in the mountain and the other guy hiding behind a distant tree. We both kept moving and shooting at each other for a few minutes without a single bullet touching each other (so much for being good snipers and all ). During this whole battle we felt like those cowboys from the movies. Those few minutes we were pretty much in the same hiding place and those gun shots felt like taking an eternity to get close to the other guy. Yet when the fight was eventually settled, it had only been a little over a couple of minutes (I think). I think the Chef eventually won, gaining his crown as the best with the Sniper rifle, but we had just fought an epic battle (at least for epic for all the roomies).
Not all good things last and neither did our Halo battles. I had to move to a different location on project deputation and was now at a place where I did not have half a dozen friends or roommates. Then I discovered the fun of XBOX live with DOA2 Ultimate and Halo 2, the live versions of 2 of my favorite games. Playing over internet had its advantages and disadvantages.
On the bright side, I was never a lone player and with just a few clicks could play online and face off against world's best.
The disadvantages however outweighed the advantages. I was good at beating the computer and would often feel overconfident and decide to go online for a real test. Only then did I realize that the world's best were true pros. So not only that I lost, almost every time I suffered humiliating defeats sealing my status as an amateur at best. Besides having gotten used to playing on split screen, the lack of it meant that I couldn't see through my opponents eyes, which only made my situation worse. Even so I think I managed a decent amateur ranking later on in DOA. While playing on internet provided a challenge, the fun of beating roomates and teasing them in face was definitely missing. Nevertheless I still remember those good times of playing on internet.
Years have passed since those fun days. The live version DOA2 has been stopped for ever and replaced by its successor (DOA4). The XBOX console I used is now two generations (by gaming console age) old. My own console is rusting in peace underneath a cloth that hides it like a kafan. The few wires hanging from it serve as the reminders of those good times. Those memories itself have started fading in my mind. So I thought it would be best to post them online. It feels as if I am writing an eulogy for a dead pet just before doing its last rites. As I sign off, I have found a store which claims to be able resurrect my dear XBOX. So I sign off with the hope that I will be able to let it live an after life and maybe even relive some of those memories.
Wednesday, August 25, 2010
She commands respect
Its beginning of 2009.
She is a curvaceous beauty, looking alluring in black with dashes of chrome. I just brought her home and am looking at her still unable to believe that I have actually taken the plunge and got into this commitment.
Pause your thoughts....
Before the readers start getting any thoughts about me getting into commitment, let me clarify ... I am not referring to a female of the human species. I am only referring to my motorcycle. I know motor cycles cannot really be classified as male or female ..but if I am riding one .. it has to be declared female.
After coveting the Royal Enfield motorcycle for several years and resisting the decision to buy one for several months, I finally made the decision and brought home The 2009 Royal Enfield Thunderbird. A beautiful, heavy (i.e. 170 + Kgs) and sturdy cruiser bike.
Play .....
I have parked it in the lot. The guy from the showroom had shown me a specific way to mount the bike on its main stand. It involved descending from the bike first and then using a handle above the rear Tyre and a lever attached to the main stand to mount the bike in place. That way the bike would balance on to the main stand effortlessly (even for some one with a lanky build like me). I followed the instructions religiously and the bike was set perfectly in place. The only glitch was that I thought it is not stylish enough if you have to descend from the bike first to mount it on the stand. After all other bikes that I had driven (i.e. a 100cc Hero Honda Passion), I would comfortable set them on the main stand just by one strong pull on the handle, whilst still perched on the bike seat.
So I start thinking there has to be a way to do the same to this heavy bird as well.
I sit on my bike and unmount it. Now I summon my energies to try and pull it up on to the main stand. First try ... the bike is just too heavy for me. Does not budge.
I am thinking ... hang on .. I am much stronger than I look. I can do this.
One more try. I pull hard on the handle with my left leg pushing the stand in place.
This time the bike shakes a little as if to indicate that I am angering her. However she refuses to get on to the stand. I say .. I can do better. One last try.
This time I summon all my energies and pull onto the handle really hard. The bike almost gets on to the main stand. However I am off balance due to the extra effort and the main stand snaps back in its place . The bike tilts to the left taking me down with it. It does not actually fall down as there is another bike adjacent to it which is steady enough to support it.
So there I am stuck between two bikes one steady and the other ready to fall on me.
I am like WTF ... day one and I have managed to get my bike to come down crashing on self without really riding it.
Some how I descend down from my bike (albeit still sandwiched between my bike and the other one). There is not enough space for me to turn around to grab my bike with both my hands. Now the bike tilts further downwards is pushing onto my ass (don't even ask how it came down onto my ass .. its quite too embarrassing already) . I can feel all the 170+ Kgs of kerb weight on the one hand still holding on to the bike's handle and my ass. Some how I push her back into the vertical position and this time I use the good old tested technique to set her on the main stand.
I realize that this is not just another 100kg kerb weight, 100 cc engine motorcycle. She is after all the Thunderbird. All 170+ Kgs of it and with the large (by Indian standard) 350 cc engine. Thus I need to afford her the appropriate respect. I have a look at myself. In the whole balancing act, I have managed to inflict a small burn on my right leg thanks to the bike's silencer which was still hot when this whole tussle was happening.
Next few weeks were spent getting used to the Thundering (not really a thunder as compared to other enfields .. but loud enough) of the Thunderbird. Every time I sat on her and started the engine, I could feel the rattling of the several moving parts and the thumping sound so synonymous with the brand. The thumping sound would start to make the heart want to pump in sync with the sound. Never again have I treated her like a 100 cc bike. If there is one thing that I realized, it is that this is one wonderful bike and she commands respect.
She is a curvaceous beauty, looking alluring in black with dashes of chrome. I just brought her home and am looking at her still unable to believe that I have actually taken the plunge and got into this commitment.
Pause your thoughts....
Before the readers start getting any thoughts about me getting into commitment, let me clarify ... I am not referring to a female of the human species. I am only referring to my motorcycle. I know motor cycles cannot really be classified as male or female ..but if I am riding one .. it has to be declared female.
After coveting the Royal Enfield motorcycle for several years and resisting the decision to buy one for several months, I finally made the decision and brought home The 2009 Royal Enfield Thunderbird. A beautiful, heavy (i.e. 170 + Kgs) and sturdy cruiser bike.
Play .....
I have parked it in the lot. The guy from the showroom had shown me a specific way to mount the bike on its main stand. It involved descending from the bike first and then using a handle above the rear Tyre and a lever attached to the main stand to mount the bike in place. That way the bike would balance on to the main stand effortlessly (even for some one with a lanky build like me). I followed the instructions religiously and the bike was set perfectly in place. The only glitch was that I thought it is not stylish enough if you have to descend from the bike first to mount it on the stand. After all other bikes that I had driven (i.e. a 100cc Hero Honda Passion), I would comfortable set them on the main stand just by one strong pull on the handle, whilst still perched on the bike seat.
So I start thinking there has to be a way to do the same to this heavy bird as well.
I sit on my bike and unmount it. Now I summon my energies to try and pull it up on to the main stand. First try ... the bike is just too heavy for me. Does not budge.
I am thinking ... hang on .. I am much stronger than I look. I can do this.
One more try. I pull hard on the handle with my left leg pushing the stand in place.
This time the bike shakes a little as if to indicate that I am angering her. However she refuses to get on to the stand. I say .. I can do better. One last try.
This time I summon all my energies and pull onto the handle really hard. The bike almost gets on to the main stand. However I am off balance due to the extra effort and the main stand snaps back in its place . The bike tilts to the left taking me down with it. It does not actually fall down as there is another bike adjacent to it which is steady enough to support it.
So there I am stuck between two bikes one steady and the other ready to fall on me.
I am like WTF ... day one and I have managed to get my bike to come down crashing on self without really riding it.
Some how I descend down from my bike (albeit still sandwiched between my bike and the other one). There is not enough space for me to turn around to grab my bike with both my hands. Now the bike tilts further downwards is pushing onto my ass (don't even ask how it came down onto my ass .. its quite too embarrassing already) . I can feel all the 170+ Kgs of kerb weight on the one hand still holding on to the bike's handle and my ass. Some how I push her back into the vertical position and this time I use the good old tested technique to set her on the main stand.
I realize that this is not just another 100kg kerb weight, 100 cc engine motorcycle. She is after all the Thunderbird. All 170+ Kgs of it and with the large (by Indian standard) 350 cc engine. Thus I need to afford her the appropriate respect. I have a look at myself. In the whole balancing act, I have managed to inflict a small burn on my right leg thanks to the bike's silencer which was still hot when this whole tussle was happening.
Next few weeks were spent getting used to the Thundering (not really a thunder as compared to other enfields .. but loud enough) of the Thunderbird. Every time I sat on her and started the engine, I could feel the rattling of the several moving parts and the thumping sound so synonymous with the brand. The thumping sound would start to make the heart want to pump in sync with the sound. Never again have I treated her like a 100 cc bike. If there is one thing that I realized, it is that this is one wonderful bike and she commands respect.
Monday, May 07, 2007
Cook Like a Bachelor
In my post on Cook like a Lazy Bachelor, I published a process which was till now a closely guarded secret by lazy bachelors like me. Thus publishing some serious cooking tips for bachelors becomes imperative.
The next few tips will be useful if a "lazy bachelor" ends up with another lazy bachelor or a smart guy who can see through the plan. These may also be considered Survival tips .. to be used when other options are ruled out.
1. An onion a day, keeps the ophthalmologist away :
Whether you like cutting onions or not, onions are arguably the most important and universal ingredient of a bachelors recipe. They can be used to add taste and a little bit of that crunch to almost any vegetable. The Dal Tadka is incomplete without onions. Most egg preparations only taste better with onions.
Cutting onions is sometimes boring and does definitely make you cry. However given the onions importance I choose to look at the bright side. Crying means that my eyes will be cleaned up of any dirt and unwanted particles. So fewer trips to the ophthalmologist.
2. Ande ka Funda..
If Onion adds taste, the Anda (egg) saves the bachelor. If onions are the universal ingredients, Anda forms the universal content of the side dish(sometimes even the main). Eggs can be prepared into various preparations - half fry, full fry , boiled eggs, omelet, bhurji , egg curry and so on. They all go really well with bread, so you have bread omelet, bhurji pav, french toast etc. The best part is all the egg preparations are extremely easy to make and bread is available off the store shelf. Thus the combination of Bread and Eggs soon forms a important part of a Bachelor's diet. Those unfortunate souls who prefer being vegetarians, have learn cooking more complex dishes for they cannot buy the "Ande ka Funda".
3. You can't go wrong with "Two Minute Noodles" -
This is perhaps better known as Maggie. A Nestle brand which has become synonymous with 2 minute noodles. Easy to cook, hassle free, and fast, not to mention that reasonably nutritious too.
For a novice cook nothing is as straight forward as Maggie. As one learns more cooking this becomes the back up food as it is not as tasty if it were the only thing available in each of the 3 -4 meals in a day (breakfast, lunch, tea time, dinner).
4. Breakfast = Cornflakes / Bread Jam.
Corn flakes and milk or Bread and Jam - not many breakfast items can claim to be more nutritious and easy to prepare as these two. Again like all things mentioned so far, the key is simplicity, and easy to cook (read as I am too lazy to try cooking something else). US of course provides many more variations to this list in form of Texas toasts, break fast snacks, oat meals, cookies etc. With all those options available, whoever thought of anything else , would have to give up his claim to being lazy.
5. Masala = Put it all together -
For any Indian female who can cook (most of them can cook well), a masala is an assortment of spices - chili, turmeric, coriander leaves, cilantro, asafoetida and a wide variety of other spices that only my nose can smell but my vocabulary can't describe. These of course are used in carefully measured quantities and most women are so finicky that the slightest change in any content or quantity seems to spoil the whole meal. However for a bachelor a masala is literally put it all together. So my masala consisted of whatever of the above mentioned spices I could lay my hands on and in acceptably small non measured quantities. All of that thrown together so that it would taste different (hopefully edible) each of the time. That way the meal has a element of surprise and you don't have to hunt for new recipes each day. The same recipe can taste different seven days a week.
6. Fruits and Juices are good for health.
As Laziness reigns supreme the drive to cook goes down. On the other hand the sinful stomach (paapi peth) yearns for food. Often (especially weekend mornings) a clash between the two brings out the importance of having fruits. Fruits are nutritious, natural, wholesome food. Not to mention they are very good for health and are even known to have medicinal properties. With all those advantages mentioned, it is but natural that having only fruits on one of the days is definitely a good idea.
7. Married couples need others for company as well.
It is interesting how humans are social. That's one of the reasons most people marry is for companionship. However I think the companionship of just the spouse is sometimes to boring. Especially after a few years of marriage. As a bachelor, me and my roommate were sometimes getting invited to a dinner or so by married couples. That's when we realised that even married couples need other friends for company. Naturally we were ready to fill in that void. So soon after that realization dawned upon us we were inviting ourselves to dinner / lunch at other peoples places and then our hosts would be quite happy to feed us. This is one survival lesson that I learnt cause my roommate was as lazy a bachelor as me. Often neither of us wanted to cook and that's when this solution struck us.
8. Lazy Bachelors invented the Pizza delivery.
If nothing else works you can always call up the Pizza store and have a pizza. Nor really a very healthy food, but it tastes good and comes for a reasonable price. After all this is a last ditch effort to keep your hungry stomach at bay.
The next few tips will be useful if a "lazy bachelor" ends up with another lazy bachelor or a smart guy who can see through the plan. These may also be considered Survival tips .. to be used when other options are ruled out.
1. An onion a day, keeps the ophthalmologist away :
Whether you like cutting onions or not, onions are arguably the most important and universal ingredient of a bachelors recipe. They can be used to add taste and a little bit of that crunch to almost any vegetable. The Dal Tadka is incomplete without onions. Most egg preparations only taste better with onions.
Cutting onions is sometimes boring and does definitely make you cry. However given the onions importance I choose to look at the bright side. Crying means that my eyes will be cleaned up of any dirt and unwanted particles. So fewer trips to the ophthalmologist.
2. Ande ka Funda..
If Onion adds taste, the Anda (egg) saves the bachelor. If onions are the universal ingredients, Anda forms the universal content of the side dish(sometimes even the main). Eggs can be prepared into various preparations - half fry, full fry , boiled eggs, omelet, bhurji , egg curry and so on. They all go really well with bread, so you have bread omelet, bhurji pav, french toast etc. The best part is all the egg preparations are extremely easy to make and bread is available off the store shelf. Thus the combination of Bread and Eggs soon forms a important part of a Bachelor's diet. Those unfortunate souls who prefer being vegetarians, have learn cooking more complex dishes for they cannot buy the "Ande ka Funda".
3. You can't go wrong with "Two Minute Noodles" -
This is perhaps better known as Maggie. A Nestle brand which has become synonymous with 2 minute noodles. Easy to cook, hassle free, and fast, not to mention that reasonably nutritious too.
For a novice cook nothing is as straight forward as Maggie. As one learns more cooking this becomes the back up food as it is not as tasty if it were the only thing available in each of the 3 -4 meals in a day (breakfast, lunch, tea time, dinner).
4. Breakfast = Cornflakes / Bread Jam.
Corn flakes and milk or Bread and Jam - not many breakfast items can claim to be more nutritious and easy to prepare as these two. Again like all things mentioned so far, the key is simplicity, and easy to cook (read as I am too lazy to try cooking something else). US of course provides many more variations to this list in form of Texas toasts, break fast snacks, oat meals, cookies etc. With all those options available, whoever thought of anything else , would have to give up his claim to being lazy.
5. Masala = Put it all together -
For any Indian female who can cook (most of them can cook well), a masala is an assortment of spices - chili, turmeric, coriander leaves, cilantro, asafoetida and a wide variety of other spices that only my nose can smell but my vocabulary can't describe. These of course are used in carefully measured quantities and most women are so finicky that the slightest change in any content or quantity seems to spoil the whole meal. However for a bachelor a masala is literally put it all together. So my masala consisted of whatever of the above mentioned spices I could lay my hands on and in acceptably small non measured quantities. All of that thrown together so that it would taste different (hopefully edible) each of the time. That way the meal has a element of surprise and you don't have to hunt for new recipes each day. The same recipe can taste different seven days a week.
6. Fruits and Juices are good for health.
As Laziness reigns supreme the drive to cook goes down. On the other hand the sinful stomach (paapi peth) yearns for food. Often (especially weekend mornings) a clash between the two brings out the importance of having fruits. Fruits are nutritious, natural, wholesome food. Not to mention they are very good for health and are even known to have medicinal properties. With all those advantages mentioned, it is but natural that having only fruits on one of the days is definitely a good idea.
7. Married couples need others for company as well.
It is interesting how humans are social. That's one of the reasons most people marry is for companionship. However I think the companionship of just the spouse is sometimes to boring. Especially after a few years of marriage. As a bachelor, me and my roommate were sometimes getting invited to a dinner or so by married couples. That's when we realised that even married couples need other friends for company. Naturally we were ready to fill in that void. So soon after that realization dawned upon us we were inviting ourselves to dinner / lunch at other peoples places and then our hosts would be quite happy to feed us. This is one survival lesson that I learnt cause my roommate was as lazy a bachelor as me. Often neither of us wanted to cook and that's when this solution struck us.
8. Lazy Bachelors invented the Pizza delivery.
If nothing else works you can always call up the Pizza store and have a pizza. Nor really a very healthy food, but it tastes good and comes for a reasonable price. After all this is a last ditch effort to keep your hungry stomach at bay.
Tuesday, April 24, 2007
Cook like a Lazy Bachelor
I have spent a fair amount of time living away from home with roommates. Now most of that time was spent in India, where cheap, edible food is easy to come by. As a bachelor miles away from home, the mom's home cooked meal might become a paradise, but there are several options to cheap , edible food. There are small hotels, dhabas, canteens (mesh), food stalls (e.g. pav bhaji) etc. As if that is not enough, there are the dabbawalas and even cooks for hire. All these mean that as a lazy bachelor like me doesn't have to cook in order to get fed.
However I also spent a significant amount of my bachelor's life in US. That's were I learn't that all the options mentioned above are, like my Mom's cooking, a luxury. My instincts did ensure that I could still survive without cooking much. However, what was instinctive turns out, is actually a process worth defining. Thus the next few points are my words of wisdom meant to help those in need to serve the sloth in them.
So here is the 5 point approach to getting fed with good food in the US without having to cook or get married.
1. Searching
The whole process starts with the all important search. The search for a guy who can cook well and is either looking for a room or a roommate. The search really doesn't have to be for a guy. It coule be a better if the result is a girl but frankly I am a conservative Indian and the concept of live-in was not ok with me when I was in the US. The important thing here is a "cook in need" of a roommate or a room.
2. Marketing
If you have found a "cook in need" then this point is not too difficult. All you have to do is sell yourself well to this guy and convince him to be your roommate. You would even be in a better bargaining position if the "cook in need" is looking for a room and you have one with space for one roommate.
3. Cooking
This process might be shocking for the true sloths and perhaps even risky. Its a process which is contradictory to the very purpose of the 5 point approach. It's however arguably the most important one too. Once the "cook in need" is your roommate, offer to cook for both of you. Take pride in whatever you can cook. Then prepare the best of your recipes and appear to be putting your best effort. The most important thing here is to ensure that whatever you cook only looks good but tastes like shit. Actually looking good part is optional, but "tastes like shit" is mandatory.
4. Eat S**t
By cooking for both you would have ensured that the only edible thing available in the house is the meal you just cooked. Now all you have to do is eat this meal with total commitment to eating and take much more pride in doing so, than you did when cooking. That way you have proven that you can eat almost anything. By cooking a useless meal you have also ensured that your roommate is going to either have an empty stomach or order a pizza. From my experience I have observed, that a good cook would rather cook than eat s**t or order a pizza every day. Whereas for a bad cook like me, almost any cooking is better than the s**t I cook. Thus you have now ensured that your roomate knows that you can't cook and can eat anything edible.
5. Be prepared to cry
This last point is more like putting nails on the coffin. By point 4 you have now acquired a roommate who is willing to cook for you. However what is to stop him from looking for a roommate again. That's where this point comes in. All you have to do is be happy in doing 2 things. First always be the guy who does the dishes. Yes it is a little hard work but better than having to eat a meal cooked by self. In US, a lot of apartments come with dishwashers. If yours is one of those, then doing the dishes doesn't count towards a significant contribution. Then be prepared to cut the vegetables and most importantly the onions (unless your roommate is a jain or gujju who doesn't eat onions). All good cooks like people who can cut onions as per their size specifications (i even claim to cut them in terms of square mm). Onions make you cry, but it is better to cry over onions than to eat a self cooked meal or order pizza everyday. It is even said that the tears drawn by the onion's smell help the health of eyes in some way.
Thus I have now brought out the 5 point process. However it is important to remember that for lazy people a lot of this process is instinctive. My ex roomie referred to as The Owl seemed to know this whole process instinctively even as I narrated this to him once. Thus if your "cook in need" is also a sloth then you might face some serious competition.
Another disclaimer, this process will work only with roommates. I think that most wives are quite smart to see through this process and any married men wanting to try this out please be prepared for the couch and a little bit of the "belan"
However I also spent a significant amount of my bachelor's life in US. That's were I learn't that all the options mentioned above are, like my Mom's cooking, a luxury. My instincts did ensure that I could still survive without cooking much. However, what was instinctive turns out, is actually a process worth defining. Thus the next few points are my words of wisdom meant to help those in need to serve the sloth in them.
So here is the 5 point approach to getting fed with good food in the US without having to cook or get married.
1. Searching
The whole process starts with the all important search. The search for a guy who can cook well and is either looking for a room or a roommate. The search really doesn't have to be for a guy. It coule be a better if the result is a girl but frankly I am a conservative Indian and the concept of live-in was not ok with me when I was in the US. The important thing here is a "cook in need" of a roommate or a room.
2. Marketing
If you have found a "cook in need" then this point is not too difficult. All you have to do is sell yourself well to this guy and convince him to be your roommate. You would even be in a better bargaining position if the "cook in need" is looking for a room and you have one with space for one roommate.
3. Cooking
This process might be shocking for the true sloths and perhaps even risky. Its a process which is contradictory to the very purpose of the 5 point approach. It's however arguably the most important one too. Once the "cook in need" is your roommate, offer to cook for both of you. Take pride in whatever you can cook. Then prepare the best of your recipes and appear to be putting your best effort. The most important thing here is to ensure that whatever you cook only looks good but tastes like shit. Actually looking good part is optional, but "tastes like shit" is mandatory.
4. Eat S**t
By cooking for both you would have ensured that the only edible thing available in the house is the meal you just cooked. Now all you have to do is eat this meal with total commitment to eating and take much more pride in doing so, than you did when cooking. That way you have proven that you can eat almost anything. By cooking a useless meal you have also ensured that your roommate is going to either have an empty stomach or order a pizza. From my experience I have observed, that a good cook would rather cook than eat s**t or order a pizza every day. Whereas for a bad cook like me, almost any cooking is better than the s**t I cook. Thus you have now ensured that your roomate knows that you can't cook and can eat anything edible.
5. Be prepared to cry
This last point is more like putting nails on the coffin. By point 4 you have now acquired a roommate who is willing to cook for you. However what is to stop him from looking for a roommate again. That's where this point comes in. All you have to do is be happy in doing 2 things. First always be the guy who does the dishes. Yes it is a little hard work but better than having to eat a meal cooked by self. In US, a lot of apartments come with dishwashers. If yours is one of those, then doing the dishes doesn't count towards a significant contribution. Then be prepared to cut the vegetables and most importantly the onions (unless your roommate is a jain or gujju who doesn't eat onions). All good cooks like people who can cut onions as per their size specifications (i even claim to cut them in terms of square mm). Onions make you cry, but it is better to cry over onions than to eat a self cooked meal or order pizza everyday. It is even said that the tears drawn by the onion's smell help the health of eyes in some way.
Thus I have now brought out the 5 point process. However it is important to remember that for lazy people a lot of this process is instinctive. My ex roomie referred to as The Owl seemed to know this whole process instinctively even as I narrated this to him once. Thus if your "cook in need" is also a sloth then you might face some serious competition.
Another disclaimer, this process will work only with roommates. I think that most wives are quite smart to see through this process and any married men wanting to try this out please be prepared for the couch and a little bit of the "belan"
Tuesday, December 05, 2006
A dummy's guide to Crashing weddings
I have seen a few movies which had scenes of smart looking, glib talking gentlemen crash wedding parties with the sole intention of eating good food for free. However I never thought that such things are actually possible. One event however got me thinking otherwise to the extent that I decided to write this dummy's guide.
The recent event was nothing out of the ordinary. I got invited to a friend's wedding. For a change I chose to be punctual at a social function and reached the hall on time for the wedding reception party. To my surprise the couple in question had not arrived. Apparently they were delayed in the previous ceremonies and were running late. Now the only people I knew at the place were the bride and the groom. Everybody else was alien to me. Further, Unfortunately the Hall manager did not bother putting a welcome board mentioning the names of the bride and groom. So here I was at a wedding reception party, with no clue as to whether I was at the right party at all. Absentminded as I am I started doubting whether I had taken down the details correctly and walked out of the hall to check the neighbourhood for any other halls out there. Thankfully there were none and a quick chat with another guest confirmed that I was at the right place.
As the reception started, I could see people going upto the stage and greeting the newly wed couple. I sat on one of the seats, observing other people, not knowing whom to talk to and what to talk. As I observed the people around me an idea hit me ... What if I were a wedding crasher... My situation, frankly, was different only to the extent that I was invited to this one and my friend did smile at me from the stage to confirm that I was at the right place. However even if both the bride or groom were not my friends, I think I could have easily passed of as an invited guest... Thus based on my observation and thoughts I came out with this guide. So here are the steps -
Dress Smart.- As they say "Clothes maketh the man". If some one is dressed well most people will think that you are an invited person. They will appreciate your presence. Imagine showing up at a wedding in a dirty green T'shirt and a muddy blue jeans. The chances are that even if you are the bride / bridegroom's best friend that person will refuse to recognize you ... On the other hand, have clean, well ironed, formal clothes appropriate for the occasion and the person at the door might just believe that you are an invited guest without having to give any sort of introduction. After all Indian weddings are also about the great and colourful clothes.. The Kurtas, payjamas, chunnis, choli - lehengas, sarees, the stylish suits .... the list goes on. With so many good clothes at stake, a smart looking, well dressed gentleman or lady are always going to be welcome.
Appear Confident - Even if you don't know anybody or the place no body will doubt confident looking person walking around the place. When some one sees a confident person walking around they would think you are some one of importance. How to appear confident ... that's easy, Hold your head and sholders high, walk at a steady pace and look in front as you are walking, have a grin of satisfaction on your face. Walking too fast may give an impression confusion or tension and walking too slow may give out an impression that you are not too comfortable. With the above point and this, even if some one doubts your credentials they would not dare ask. Who would want to piss you off on such an auspicious ocassion.
Choose your seat - Even if you enter confidently it is important to choose a good seat. A good place would be a seat somewhere amongst the relatively quite crowd. These people won't talk much and most probably they would think you are from the other side (i.e if they are the bride's relatives, they would think you are the bridegroom's friend or something). It is important that this crowd is not around your age. That adds to the generation gap, which always delays the start of any conversation. Continue your grin as if you are very happy to see the couple wed.
Have a story - The first 2 points set the tone for your entry. However if you are seated for quite some time, the chances are that some body looking to build a network might just talk to you. An obvious question would be "So whose side are you from ?" .. Obviously here you would want to be related to either the bride or the groom or else you would be perhaps shown the door. So have a story. After all no conversation would end at the above question. I'll give out my tips here with an example conversation which could be (replace the bride part with groom if you choose to be the groom's friend)...
Other Guest (OG): "So who's side are you from ?"
You: "I am here from the bride's side (ladkiwalen). What about you?" (Tip: Before such a thing happens, try to eaves drop a few conversations so as to figure out useful details about the bride and groom such as name, education, city of origin, place of work etc .. you don't need all of those but know some are definitely useful. Use the confident walk to roam around while you are gathering details and pause often at places and stare at the bride and groom with appreciation. Be on alert for people approaching you as you do this).
OG: (Blah blah's about him being from ladkiwalen as well and some relationship). So how do you know 'xyz' (substitute the bride's name here)
You: (Tip: Have a relationship that can not be verified by anyone but the bride herslef. ). I used to go to a french class along with her. The class went out for a trek to Mahabaleshwar and there we got to know each other better and became good friends. It is such a pleasure to be here to see her tie the knot .. (heave a breathe of satisfaction like "awe" as you look at her and then smile) (Tip: Make sure that the story is believable, easily forgettable and not verifiable by any one but the bride herself. No body will dare ask the bride and others won't be sure but would believe rather than disturb the bride during her wedding.)
OG: Ohh I see.. (After having verified your intent at the wedding, the focus will now shift towards what you do what he does and so on .. again have some story ....) (Tip: Do not carry any thing which can lead to you being chased - eg. business card, working cell number. If you have to divulge your cell, give out an out of area cell and mention that it is not on roaming, lest OG insists on giving you a missed call at that instant. )
Know one should recognize you - This is one of the most important points. If anyone knows your intentions definitively, the chances are that you will get kicked out. Therefore make sure that know one who knows you is around. You would already have concoted a story by now which says that the only person who can verify your authenticity is either the bride or the groom. (Tip: Have a common name, so that the chances are that the bride / groom already have some invited friend by that name). A combination of the point above and this means that you are now there to stay pretty much like all the invited guests.
Avoid socializing too much - The more the people who have talked to you, the more the chances that your story will be caught and that some one might just inform the bride / groom about your presence. The simple solution is too avoid socializing too much. Additionally socialize with the people who are not likely to talk to the bride / groom or their parents / siblings about you. It goes without saying here that you would have to keep a close eye on the people around the bride and groom to identify who their closest people are (parents, siblings, close friends etc) and avoid getting too close to them. Watch out for facial, structural, behavioural similarities, interaction with the couple of interest, body language etc to identify these. If you end up socializing then be sure to have some unique and interesting adventure stories like "your experience with trekking the Mt Fuji in Japan" ... Such experiences will completely divert your conversation from the marriage and you are thus safe.
If there is a Dance floor - Well If you love dancing be sure to dance where a group of people is dancing. They don't mind somebody who dances well, dancing along with them. Enjoy the dance along with others, but make sure that your entry and exit are stealthy lest somebody wants to involve you in a useful conversation ...
Be sure to relish the food - After all what are you in for ... All the above steps set you up till the time you get to eat. Relish the food well (unless it is inedible, in which case all your effort was a total waste). All of the above steps were meant for this very culmination...
If there are the cocktails and you like them, be sure to have only as much as you can take. You don't want to ruin all your efforts so far by belching out truth about in under the influence of alcohol.
I have by now given you a "dummy's guide to crashing weddings". But there is always a fine print to all products and so here is my disclaimer...
"Try the above steps at your own risk. I am not responsible if you get beaten black and blue or charged for impersonation. All of the above description is based out of my imagination and interpretation of imaginary situations so they might be complete hallucinations of my mind. The guide has not gone through any testing and there are no testimonials to prove that it works."
If after reading the disclaimer you do follow this guide to your own "wedding crash" then let me know about there result by leaving a comment at this blog. Also please don't try this at my wedding. Finally I hope my friend, whose wedding inspired this does have that little bit extra sense of humour to accept this post :) .
The recent event was nothing out of the ordinary. I got invited to a friend's wedding. For a change I chose to be punctual at a social function and reached the hall on time for the wedding reception party. To my surprise the couple in question had not arrived. Apparently they were delayed in the previous ceremonies and were running late. Now the only people I knew at the place were the bride and the groom. Everybody else was alien to me. Further, Unfortunately the Hall manager did not bother putting a welcome board mentioning the names of the bride and groom. So here I was at a wedding reception party, with no clue as to whether I was at the right party at all. Absentminded as I am I started doubting whether I had taken down the details correctly and walked out of the hall to check the neighbourhood for any other halls out there. Thankfully there were none and a quick chat with another guest confirmed that I was at the right place.
As the reception started, I could see people going upto the stage and greeting the newly wed couple. I sat on one of the seats, observing other people, not knowing whom to talk to and what to talk. As I observed the people around me an idea hit me ... What if I were a wedding crasher... My situation, frankly, was different only to the extent that I was invited to this one and my friend did smile at me from the stage to confirm that I was at the right place. However even if both the bride or groom were not my friends, I think I could have easily passed of as an invited guest... Thus based on my observation and thoughts I came out with this guide. So here are the steps -
Dress Smart.- As they say "Clothes maketh the man". If some one is dressed well most people will think that you are an invited person. They will appreciate your presence. Imagine showing up at a wedding in a dirty green T'shirt and a muddy blue jeans. The chances are that even if you are the bride / bridegroom's best friend that person will refuse to recognize you ... On the other hand, have clean, well ironed, formal clothes appropriate for the occasion and the person at the door might just believe that you are an invited guest without having to give any sort of introduction. After all Indian weddings are also about the great and colourful clothes.. The Kurtas, payjamas, chunnis, choli - lehengas, sarees, the stylish suits .... the list goes on. With so many good clothes at stake, a smart looking, well dressed gentleman or lady are always going to be welcome.
Appear Confident - Even if you don't know anybody or the place no body will doubt confident looking person walking around the place. When some one sees a confident person walking around they would think you are some one of importance. How to appear confident ... that's easy, Hold your head and sholders high, walk at a steady pace and look in front as you are walking, have a grin of satisfaction on your face. Walking too fast may give an impression confusion or tension and walking too slow may give out an impression that you are not too comfortable. With the above point and this, even if some one doubts your credentials they would not dare ask. Who would want to piss you off on such an auspicious ocassion.
Choose your seat - Even if you enter confidently it is important to choose a good seat. A good place would be a seat somewhere amongst the relatively quite crowd. These people won't talk much and most probably they would think you are from the other side (i.e if they are the bride's relatives, they would think you are the bridegroom's friend or something). It is important that this crowd is not around your age. That adds to the generation gap, which always delays the start of any conversation. Continue your grin as if you are very happy to see the couple wed.
Have a story - The first 2 points set the tone for your entry. However if you are seated for quite some time, the chances are that some body looking to build a network might just talk to you. An obvious question would be "So whose side are you from ?" .. Obviously here you would want to be related to either the bride or the groom or else you would be perhaps shown the door. So have a story. After all no conversation would end at the above question. I'll give out my tips here with an example conversation which could be (replace the bride part with groom if you choose to be the groom's friend)...
Other Guest (OG): "So who's side are you from ?"
You: "I am here from the bride's side (ladkiwalen). What about you?" (Tip: Before such a thing happens, try to eaves drop a few conversations so as to figure out useful details about the bride and groom such as name, education, city of origin, place of work etc .. you don't need all of those but know some are definitely useful. Use the confident walk to roam around while you are gathering details and pause often at places and stare at the bride and groom with appreciation. Be on alert for people approaching you as you do this).
OG: (Blah blah's about him being from ladkiwalen as well and some relationship). So how do you know 'xyz' (substitute the bride's name here)
You: (Tip: Have a relationship that can not be verified by anyone but the bride herslef. ). I used to go to a french class along with her. The class went out for a trek to Mahabaleshwar and there we got to know each other better and became good friends. It is such a pleasure to be here to see her tie the knot .. (heave a breathe of satisfaction like "awe" as you look at her and then smile) (Tip: Make sure that the story is believable, easily forgettable and not verifiable by any one but the bride herself. No body will dare ask the bride and others won't be sure but would believe rather than disturb the bride during her wedding.)
OG: Ohh I see.. (After having verified your intent at the wedding, the focus will now shift towards what you do what he does and so on .. again have some story ....) (Tip: Do not carry any thing which can lead to you being chased - eg. business card, working cell number. If you have to divulge your cell, give out an out of area cell and mention that it is not on roaming, lest OG insists on giving you a missed call at that instant. )
Know one should recognize you - This is one of the most important points. If anyone knows your intentions definitively, the chances are that you will get kicked out. Therefore make sure that know one who knows you is around. You would already have concoted a story by now which says that the only person who can verify your authenticity is either the bride or the groom. (Tip: Have a common name, so that the chances are that the bride / groom already have some invited friend by that name). A combination of the point above and this means that you are now there to stay pretty much like all the invited guests.
Avoid socializing too much - The more the people who have talked to you, the more the chances that your story will be caught and that some one might just inform the bride / groom about your presence. The simple solution is too avoid socializing too much. Additionally socialize with the people who are not likely to talk to the bride / groom or their parents / siblings about you. It goes without saying here that you would have to keep a close eye on the people around the bride and groom to identify who their closest people are (parents, siblings, close friends etc) and avoid getting too close to them. Watch out for facial, structural, behavioural similarities, interaction with the couple of interest, body language etc to identify these. If you end up socializing then be sure to have some unique and interesting adventure stories like "your experience with trekking the Mt Fuji in Japan" ... Such experiences will completely divert your conversation from the marriage and you are thus safe.
If there is a Dance floor - Well If you love dancing be sure to dance where a group of people is dancing. They don't mind somebody who dances well, dancing along with them. Enjoy the dance along with others, but make sure that your entry and exit are stealthy lest somebody wants to involve you in a useful conversation ...
Be sure to relish the food - After all what are you in for ... All the above steps set you up till the time you get to eat. Relish the food well (unless it is inedible, in which case all your effort was a total waste). All of the above steps were meant for this very culmination...
If there are the cocktails and you like them, be sure to have only as much as you can take. You don't want to ruin all your efforts so far by belching out truth about in under the influence of alcohol.
I have by now given you a "dummy's guide to crashing weddings". But there is always a fine print to all products and so here is my disclaimer...
"Try the above steps at your own risk. I am not responsible if you get beaten black and blue or charged for impersonation. All of the above description is based out of my imagination and interpretation of imaginary situations so they might be complete hallucinations of my mind. The guide has not gone through any testing and there are no testimonials to prove that it works."
If after reading the disclaimer you do follow this guide to your own "wedding crash" then let me know about there result by leaving a comment at this blog. Also please don't try this at my wedding. Finally I hope my friend, whose wedding inspired this does have that little bit extra sense of humour to accept this post :) .
Wednesday, October 11, 2006
Rs 500 and 8 hours on weekly laundry
If you read the heading and imagine that spending 500 rupees on laundry is something that would happen If I were to send my clothes to the laundry of an expensive hotel ... You are wrong. I am a little too miserly to do that. The next few paragraphs just demonstrate how to spend so much money to just get a machine wash at home.
I used to work for quite some time in Bangalore. Living there with friends meant that I had learnt to gaurd my laundry bag and actually do the laundry all by myself. However when I shifted to Pune things took a whole new turn on the laundry front. My hometown Mumbai is quite close to Pune. It is just about 4 hrs drive from my Pune residence to my parent's residence in Mumbai. Obvisouly weekend was a time to chill out at their place. The first weekend my Mom was very happy to see me. Her happiness showed in her eyes ..."as if her brave son had returned from War".
For Lazy bums like me daily chores are no less than a War. Simple things like cooking, laundry, cleaning the house etc take several hours to do and lots of bravery (imagine having to wash the denim jeans you worn for 3 months without washing). A few hours of mental preparation before going to the WAR to actually do the job. I know most Mom's can do the above chores half asleep or while simultaneously attending to other things like "saas bahu" serials, phone etc. However for a sloth like me they really are war. In that sense my homecoming to was like being back from Vietnam war.
First few weekends were really good. I was treated like a guest at home and in India guests are considered as messengers of the Almighty. Naturally my Mom cooked food as per my liking and made sure I had eaten up right until my belly bulged out. My clothes were taken care of on priority scheduling for the daily machine wash. I didn't have to do any chores at home at all and could just lie on the sofa and watch TV all day. Never during my college days did I have such luzury at home.
I guess good things don't last for ever so also was the case with the VIP treatement I got at my home. My Mom saw through my lazy mind's plan reduce work. Being the great Mom she is I still get to eat a lot, the clothes are also taken care of and I still manage to a lot of nothing by warming the upholstery. However things have taken their course. The twinkle in my Mom's eye has change to more like a sigh of relief and and expression of disinterest. Relief because she is able to see me hale and healthy every time I show up. Disnterest because with me comes my huge back pack full of clothes with that manly odour (read as bad odour of sweat). Some of clothes (my socks and dirty jeans) are treated as if they need to go through special bomb diffusal to prevent harm to others in the house but I get clean clothes nevertheless. I get pushed these days do some daily chores like getting stationaries from nearby shop. I am expected to eat whatever is cooked irrespective of my liking. In short I am treated with as much repect as the other members at home.
Despite the lack of VIP treatement, the benefit of getting your laundry taken care of .. free of charge and with utmost adherence to quality is worth travelling for 8 hours and spending about 500 rupees transportation. I guess spending the time and money to go to Mumbai has more to do with visiting the family but I can't deny the fact that the laundry is often a trigger to plan trips to home sweet home. With that quote .. I know I'll probably have to do a few weeks of laundry myself if my dear Mom reads this.. So sorry Mom .. that's just this Lazy idiots outlook .. please ignore me
I used to work for quite some time in Bangalore. Living there with friends meant that I had learnt to gaurd my laundry bag and actually do the laundry all by myself. However when I shifted to Pune things took a whole new turn on the laundry front. My hometown Mumbai is quite close to Pune. It is just about 4 hrs drive from my Pune residence to my parent's residence in Mumbai. Obvisouly weekend was a time to chill out at their place. The first weekend my Mom was very happy to see me. Her happiness showed in her eyes ..."as if her brave son had returned from War".
For Lazy bums like me daily chores are no less than a War. Simple things like cooking, laundry, cleaning the house etc take several hours to do and lots of bravery (imagine having to wash the denim jeans you worn for 3 months without washing). A few hours of mental preparation before going to the WAR to actually do the job. I know most Mom's can do the above chores half asleep or while simultaneously attending to other things like "saas bahu" serials, phone etc. However for a sloth like me they really are war. In that sense my homecoming to was like being back from Vietnam war.
First few weekends were really good. I was treated like a guest at home and in India guests are considered as messengers of the Almighty. Naturally my Mom cooked food as per my liking and made sure I had eaten up right until my belly bulged out. My clothes were taken care of on priority scheduling for the daily machine wash. I didn't have to do any chores at home at all and could just lie on the sofa and watch TV all day. Never during my college days did I have such luzury at home.
I guess good things don't last for ever so also was the case with the VIP treatement I got at my home. My Mom saw through my lazy mind's plan reduce work. Being the great Mom she is I still get to eat a lot, the clothes are also taken care of and I still manage to a lot of nothing by warming the upholstery. However things have taken their course. The twinkle in my Mom's eye has change to more like a sigh of relief and and expression of disinterest. Relief because she is able to see me hale and healthy every time I show up. Disnterest because with me comes my huge back pack full of clothes with that manly odour (read as bad odour of sweat). Some of clothes (my socks and dirty jeans) are treated as if they need to go through special bomb diffusal to prevent harm to others in the house but I get clean clothes nevertheless. I get pushed these days do some daily chores like getting stationaries from nearby shop. I am expected to eat whatever is cooked irrespective of my liking. In short I am treated with as much repect as the other members at home.
Despite the lack of VIP treatement, the benefit of getting your laundry taken care of .. free of charge and with utmost adherence to quality is worth travelling for 8 hours and spending about 500 rupees transportation. I guess spending the time and money to go to Mumbai has more to do with visiting the family but I can't deny the fact that the laundry is often a trigger to plan trips to home sweet home. With that quote .. I know I'll probably have to do a few weeks of laundry myself if my dear Mom reads this.. So sorry Mom .. that's just this Lazy idiots outlook .. please ignore me
Sunday, July 09, 2006
Friday Night Chicken
As I recollect my memories and write about my perception of people ... there are some experiences which deserve to go down in my book as "those good old bachelor's days" type of memories. One of the most significant of those memories is "Friday Night Chicken"
I had learnt to cook my own food as early as the age of 15. However living at home didn't provide me enough opportunities or motivation to try too much cooking. My experiences as bachelor in India didn't make much of a difference either as there were other economic options (read as canteen, mesh, cheap hotels, cooks for hire). However the USA provided an interesting twist to this story of my Bachelorhood and cooking.
My early experiments with cooking included 2 minute noodles (Maggie) and egg omlet both of which I cooked quite decently. I had picked up making Chapati too .. but despite being a hard core non vegetarian, who believed in equality, (when it came to eating I treated animals and plants alike ... i.e cook and eat both ) I hadn't tried cooking meat seriously. With the entry of Mr. Chef (refer to a separate post on him) in our room, our cooking story took a whole new turn.. Mr Chef loved the chicken (when deliciously cooked and served in his plate) and also knew how to cook and serve it like a proffesional chef.
Our first dish on chicken took about 3 hours (right from cleaning it to serving it on the table). Our master Chef started work at about 9:00 pm on the friday and we were devouring the first ever chicken curry made at our place at about 12:00 am ...For bachelors Friday night also meant boys night so for the non believers (teetotalers) we had the juices (orange) and for the believers there was beer and vodka ... Thus began our first Friday boys night (technically it was Saturday morning) complete with bachelors, movies, drinks, meat and some sides like decorated veggies, peanuts (referred to as "Chakna" - a word used for junk food that accompanies a drinkl .. also courtesy Chef). Actually the poker table was missing but none of us played poker so it was complete for us.
Soon Friday night became synonymous with cooking Chicken and having a boys night. The rest of us now began taking more interest in the cooking and even learnt to cook our own chicken recipes. Thus within next few months we had tried Tandoori Chicken, Butter chicken, gulti chicken and even rum chicken (courtesy a semi drunk Mr. Bookworm - soon to feature in another post).
Not to be left behind, I tried my hand with something unique. Being a Konkani, fish ran in my blood.. Afterall "Ek konkani ko rice or fish curry mil jave to uska life saakar ho jaye". I had often seen my mom cook delicious pan fried fish. So I used my instincts and years of observation of her cooking to cook up my first fried fish. I started right from cleaning the fish fins, too chooping it and then frying it. The shape first time around didn't quite look good, nor were all the ingredients right but thanks to our Friday night, it was well received and completely devoured.
A few lessons (i.e phone calls with my Mom and cousin sis) later my fish became a part of the "Chakna". I also mastered cooking Chapati for 7 people in a day.
Thus a standard friday night menu was really a feast and the Friday night came to be known as "Friday Night Chicken". Afterall the only thing that was constant in our Friday night feast was chicken (we often did not have booze .. but chicken was always there) ... I salute all those chickens and fish who had to be sacrificed to fill our hungry stomachs ...
I had learnt to cook my own food as early as the age of 15. However living at home didn't provide me enough opportunities or motivation to try too much cooking. My experiences as bachelor in India didn't make much of a difference either as there were other economic options (read as canteen, mesh, cheap hotels, cooks for hire). However the USA provided an interesting twist to this story of my Bachelorhood and cooking.
My early experiments with cooking included 2 minute noodles (Maggie) and egg omlet both of which I cooked quite decently. I had picked up making Chapati too .. but despite being a hard core non vegetarian, who believed in equality, (when it came to eating I treated animals and plants alike ... i.e cook and eat both ) I hadn't tried cooking meat seriously. With the entry of Mr. Chef (refer to a separate post on him) in our room, our cooking story took a whole new turn.. Mr Chef loved the chicken (when deliciously cooked and served in his plate) and also knew how to cook and serve it like a proffesional chef.
Our first dish on chicken took about 3 hours (right from cleaning it to serving it on the table). Our master Chef started work at about 9:00 pm on the friday and we were devouring the first ever chicken curry made at our place at about 12:00 am ...For bachelors Friday night also meant boys night so for the non believers (teetotalers) we had the juices (orange) and for the believers there was beer and vodka ... Thus began our first Friday boys night (technically it was Saturday morning) complete with bachelors, movies, drinks, meat and some sides like decorated veggies, peanuts (referred to as "Chakna" - a word used for junk food that accompanies a drinkl .. also courtesy Chef). Actually the poker table was missing but none of us played poker so it was complete for us.
Soon Friday night became synonymous with cooking Chicken and having a boys night. The rest of us now began taking more interest in the cooking and even learnt to cook our own chicken recipes. Thus within next few months we had tried Tandoori Chicken, Butter chicken, gulti chicken and even rum chicken (courtesy a semi drunk Mr. Bookworm - soon to feature in another post).
Not to be left behind, I tried my hand with something unique. Being a Konkani, fish ran in my blood.. Afterall "Ek konkani ko rice or fish curry mil jave to uska life saakar ho jaye". I had often seen my mom cook delicious pan fried fish. So I used my instincts and years of observation of her cooking to cook up my first fried fish. I started right from cleaning the fish fins, too chooping it and then frying it. The shape first time around didn't quite look good, nor were all the ingredients right but thanks to our Friday night, it was well received and completely devoured.
A few lessons (i.e phone calls with my Mom and cousin sis) later my fish became a part of the "Chakna". I also mastered cooking Chapati for 7 people in a day.
Thus a standard friday night menu was really a feast and the Friday night came to be known as "Friday Night Chicken". Afterall the only thing that was constant in our Friday night feast was chicken (we often did not have booze .. but chicken was always there) ... I salute all those chickens and fish who had to be sacrificed to fill our hungry stomachs ...
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