Twitterati: 3 Paces of Dwarf-man

This is my third story in the Twitterati series. As usual format of this fiction is thus. I create a post with a bunch of imaginary tweets (or conversation) from characters in a story. The story itself would be loosely based (i.e. I have taken a lot of creative liberty to twist the tale) on some myth or legend. There are some obvious anachronisms here such as twitter and mobile connectivity.

Today's tale is a spoof of one myth that I first read in an Amar Chitra Katha comic written by the one and only Anant Pai. For the uninitiated he is better known as Uncle Pai to couple of generations who grew up visualizing myths and history through his comics long before Television started creating series about popular myth and historic characters. Thus I would like to dedicate this post to Uncle Pai. May his soul rest in peace.

Once upon a time there was a Demon king - @GreatBaLee. He rose from the underworld, conquered the Earth and most of Heaven. @ThunderLord managed to save his throne and escape with some Apsaras on his elephant. As the tale begins, @GreatBaLee has decided to perform the Horse Sacrifice - the ultimate sacrifice performed by a King to announce his reign. 

@GreatBaLee
Come on Guru. I could just attack @ThunderLord and dethrone him... Nearly did that last time until he pulled out some special trick.

@ThankGodItsFriday
Trust me ... Horse Sacrifice will be great. It will establish your rule in a blood less way.

@GreatBaLee
Whatever you say.

@ThankGodItsFriday
Muhahahaa... @GreatBaLee seems to have bought the horse sacrifice idea. This will be fun to watch as @ThunderLord hides behing his Apsaras. Can't wait to see @ThunderLord's pride bite the dust. A direct war would have been just too honorable for that egotist.

In the mean time somewhere near @WishNo's abode.
@ThunderLord
That smart ass @ThankGodItsFriday knows I have no army left, so he wants to humiliate me by having me loose whatever is left of my kingdom to the horse sacrifice... @WishNo that demon king is your devotee. Do something.

@WishNo
Do you mind ... I was just about to have an intimate moment with my wife ...
Alright what do you mean by "do something". When he attacked the first time you were to busy with clubbing with ladies ... err ahem (with a naughty smile) .. I mean Apsaras.

@ThunderLord
Hey .. I was Not clubbing !! .Just watching the dance program of the Apsaras. You know a King's got to promote Art. Besides he attacked on a Friday night. Even a King is allowed to relax a little on Friday. He must have got this idea from his guru that weasel @ThankGodItsFriday.

@WishNo
Yeah right ... Art.. huh !! Think everyone knows that you are interested in the artists more than their art.... Nevermind.. remind me why should I get rid of @GreatBaLee.

@ThunderLord
I don't have much of a problem with @GreatBaLee. He is a good guy. But come on!!! .. he represents the underworld ... You can imagine how powerful his kinsmen would be if they didn't fear us.

@WishNo
Admit it. You are jealous of @GreatBaLee and are afraid that the Apsaras will flip for him if you loose.

@ThunderLord
... Mmmm.... Mmmm .... Alright Alright. I am jealous. Just get rid of him.

@WishNo
I am not really keen doing this ... but I think I'll try out a new super hero persona I have been working on... The pint sized, non violent super-hero Dwarf-Man.

@ThunderLord
Whatever .. just get rid of @GreatBaLee.

On the day of the horse sacrifice, @WishNo appears in @GreatBaLee court in his super hero get up.
@Dwarf-Man is a literally a dwarf. A frail, bald Monk, dressed in saffron, holding a little umbrella.

@DwarfMan
Oh @GreatBaLee I hear you are very generous. Won't you give some alms to this poor monk.

@GreatBaLee
Sure. The @GreatBaLee philanthropic foundation will be happy to help. Guru @ThankGodItsFriday would you mind getting the cheque book and I'll sign over a 10000 swarna mudras to this little monk.

@DwarfMan
I don't want your money. I just want 3 paces of land.

@ThankGodItsFriday
Its a trap. @GreatBaLee just kick him out. He is an evil gnome sent by @ThunderLord.

@GreatBaLee
No can do @ThankGodItsFriday. I have given my word... When it comes to philanthropy I don't go back on my word. @DwarfMan Don't think of me as mocking you ... but you are so small, 3 paces of land with the size of your foot .... that's like nothing.. Are you sure ? I could just sign over a handsome amount in cheque.

@DwarfMan
I don't believe in the banking industry. Just let me measure my 3 paces of land and I'll be off.

@ThankGodItsFriday
@GreatBaLee I am telling you, this is some devious scheme from that @ThunderLord. Kick him out.

@GreatBaLee
That old man @ThankGodItsFriday is nuts. @DwarfMan please go ahead with your measurements.

@DwarfMan
 By the power of @WishNo

@DwarfMan Raises his umbrella like He-Man's sword and calls upon his super power and grows to a massive size. In his first stride he steps on all heaven, in his next stride he covers all Earth. He is ready to put his third stride, but nowhere to place it.

@DwarfMan
@GreatBaLee - I told you 3 paces are enough. Now where do I put my third step.

@ThankGodItsFriday
Told you that its a trap. You moron @GreatBaLee now your generosity has cost us everything we conquered.

@GreatBaLee
Ohh s**t .... s**t ... S**T !!! .. should have listened @ThankGodItsFriday.
Still I am a man of my word. All I have left is me, so you can place your third step on my head.
PS - I know @DwarfMan is really @WishNo ....Don't forget I am a devotee

@DwarfMan
Yeah @GreatBaLee I know you are my devotee... But @ThunderLord is among my kinsmen. You know the deal - family comes first. I'll just push you back in your underworld, you can stay there for an eternity.

@ThunderLord
Hey Apsaras ... Lets party, Open the bar. I am back in business. @WishNo you rock !.
Lets do an Apsara calendar... Get ready in your best swimwear.

@WishNo
Spoken too soon @ThunderLord. @GreatBaaLee - Figure this, since you have been a good guy I'll grant you a boon. Once every year you can come back to Earth and there will be a party all over the streets that night. There will be fireworks, people will rejoice and light lamps....Nobody will remember @ThunderLord then.

From that year on, the return of @GreatBaLee is celebrated on the third day of the "Festival of Lights". It sure is a party worth watching. 

Twitterati: Mark and Die

My first attempt at fiction was well received. Due to the roaring success (yippie .. 5 people commented back), I have decided to continue with the series. Today's tale is again loosely based on a myth and is anachronistic with tweets.

Once upon a time a sage named @MrikCan'tDo was unable to have children. He prayed the great @LordOfDance and his prayer was powerful enough to penetrate @LordOfDance's trance.

@MrikCan'tDo
Oh Lord... looks like my little soldiers aren't marching far enough ... please help.

@LordOfDance
Ha Ha ...Even your name says Mrik Can't do :P .... But you have come to the right place.. I shall help you with your "Do". Would you like a child prodigy set to die at 16 or a long lived psycotic retard.

@MrikCan'tDo
Oh tough choice .... well i have grown old trying, so no point looking after a retard for rest of my life...
Guess child prodigy is good ... .but seriously 16 .... Certainly you can give him more life..

@LordOfDance
What more life ... do you think you are bargaining at a merchandise store ? ....but I like you so here take this

@LordOfDance hands over a large stone structure to @MrikCan'tDo. 

@LordOfDance
Take my Mojo and place in your home. Your soldiers will not just march ...they will waltz their way to the destination....
And regards the death at 16 ... there is not much I can do ... you know I got contracts with @Death and his DeathSquad .....
But make sure that the kid prays my Mojo everyday and may be that is something i'll think about...
Also you can't tell the kid about his fate until his 16 birthday. If you do ... @Death might even hunt him down earlier.

That night @MrikCan'tDo sure had a good time. And yes his little boys did do the Waltz.
9 months later his wife delivered a healthy looking baby boy.
@MrikCan'tDo
At last Mrik "Can" Do .... Oh but what about the 16 year clause ... how can i tell the boy without breaking the contract.... Oh brilliant ... I'll name him @Mark16AndDie .. genius .... He is a child prodigy surely he'll figure out his own name.

16 years pass in no time. @Mark16AndDie is recognized everywhere as a child prodigy. He has just returned home after submitting his dissertation for PhD in Theology and Religious studies

@Mark16AndDie
Mom, Dad I am back. My dissertation has been approved and now i am Doctor Mark16AndDie.

@MrikCan'tDo
Yeah.. Yeah welcome. So happy to hear that Son. Also Happy Birthday.
Wait before I call for a party .. Have you been Praying @LordOfDance and and bowing before his Mojo everyday ?

@Mark16AndDie
Of course Dad.. What kind of theological student would I be, if I didn't pray to the lord himself.
I turn 16 today and one question has always haunted me.. All my friends had names with just alphabetic characters. Why does mine have numbers in it? why 16 ?

@MrikCan'tDo
I thought a genius like you would have figured out by now. Your name is a puzzle you moron.

@Mark16AndDie
Aah !! No wonder then that all these years my name has puzzled me ... why didn't you tell me it was really a puzzle.
Mark 16 ... Today is my 16 th birthday ...WTF ... am I going to die today...
Why didn't you tell me when I was 5.... I could have taken up molecular biology ... You know by know I could have perfected human cloning ........Damn .. what am I going to do ...? WHAT AM I GOING TO DO ?????
Oh wait where is that Mojo ... may be Theology and a little surround sound is all I need...

@Mark16AndDie sets up an surround sound system around his room and connects it to a mic attached near his mouth. He places the Mojo in center of the room, hugs it and starts chanting the lords name with all his strength.... The neighborhood is blown by the volume output.
Minutes later @Death's Squad members arrive in their gothic costumes.

@DeathSquad-M1
S**t !! That is some loud output...I can't take this ....ouch my ear drums hurt....gotta go

@Death
You morons, you couldn't just pick up one kid. Nevermind I will take my new Limited Edition Royal Enfield Classic Bull for a spin.

@Death manages to break through the sound barrier on his bull and into @Mark16AndDie's room. @Death throws his lasso of Death around @Mark16AndDie and tries dragging him away. The hug around the Mojo is so tight that @Death also starts detaching the Mojo from its place.

@LordOfDance
Who dares put the lasso of Death around my Mojo.

@Death
Hey how did you get here. And oh ... remember our contract. Its 16 years and its time to collect my debt ... ahem ...I mean the kids body and soul.

@LordOfDance
Hmm.... Good thing then that I read Shakespeare's Merchant of Venice...
You can only take your pound of flesh ... no blood can be spilled...
Oh sorry wrong story. The contract states only the kids body. There is no mention of my Mojo... You are trying to take my mojo too ... That makes the contract null and void .... Eat this you blood thirsty Shylock .... ahem ...i mean @Death

@MrikCan'tDo
Aaha ... the daily prayer works...

@Death
Damn Shakespeare ..... @DrawingSecret where is Shakespear's life contract. Get the lawyers... I am going after him

@LordOfDance
Wow .... I beat @Death at his own contracts ... Muha ha ha.... @Mark16AndDie .... from today you shall be called @Undead
 ....Wait sorry that one has an unearthly feel. how about @DeathVictor you like it ?..
And yes now with the contract annulled ... you can live much longer ...
Talk to @WishNo. Think he has a job for you

@Mark16AndDie indeed lived on to achieve greater things under his new identity of @DeathVictor. However he is still best known around the world for his devotion to the @LordOfDance and defeating @Death

Twitterati : One Word

I have been writing posts on this blog for a while and most of my posts are dependent on my own experiences. I have never really tried doing fiction. This post is my first attempt at writing any form of fiction. I recognize that today we are in an age of online social media so I thought why not use some of these ideas to come up with fiction.

The format of this fiction is thus. I create a post with a bunch of imaginary tweets from characters in a story. The story itself would be loosely based (i.e. I have taken a lot of creative liberty to twist the tale) on some myth or legend. The obvious anachronism here is that twitter and mobile connectivity that backs the tweets were not present in the era of the original  story or myth.

Once up a time there was a young kid called @OneWord with a dream to become the greatest archer. He followed his dream to the famous city of Elephantville with an aim of enrolling himself as disciple of the great coach @CoachDrone

@OneWord
Yo Elephantville !!
@OneWord
Looking forward to meeting with @CoachDrone

Several hours later @OneWord finally met up with and was rejected as a pupil by @CoachDrone.

@CoachDrone
Love Elephantville sports academy policies. Rejected a poor sob from "The Jungle" ... bad lineage. Muhahaaha

@OneWord
Reservation sucks. Bloody elitists and nepotists of Elephantville.

@OneWord
On second thoughts @CoachDrone is certainly an inspiring figure. Just bought a life size statute of him from the merchandise shop. Can't wait to install it in my backyard.

A few years passed. @CoachDrone is now teaching the princes of Elephantville.

@CoachDrone
Wow.. a class full of princes... can't wait to look at my pay check.

@CoachDrone
These princes lack the concentration and skill to be great archers, except for @AreJune.
Will have to make do with what I have.

A few more years have passed. @AreJune is famed beyond Elephantville for his prowess as an archer. @CoachDrone is being considered the greatest coach ever. One dark moonless night they are camping in "The Jungle" after a long practice session. Every one hears the loud bark of a wild dog.

@CoachDrone
Eeesh! The dog ... Can't even enjoy a nice scotch in the quiet.

@AreJune
The Jungle sucks. Would have loved to boogie on the dance floor. Miss you Elephantville.
Damn .. hate that dog. Some body please shoot him.

All the twitterati hate the dog but no one is really interested in doing anything.

@OneWord
That dog's bark will destroy @CoachDrone's statue. Got to muzzle it.

A few minutes later everything goes quite. Everyone sleeps well. Next morning the princes find a dead dog with an arrow in its mouth. 

@AreJune
No pool of blood. Shot in pitch dark. Wow! what a marksman. . Damn @CoachDrone ... when will you teach me this.

@AreJune
Ohh crap!! I am no longer number one. @CoachDrone do something.

@CoachDrone
Wow! Shooting by the sound .. the Bat technique. Did not know proponents of this existed.
Oh crap! now @AreJune will start bothering me for this.

@OneWord
Last nights dog kill seems to have gathered quite a crowd. Should have cleaned up the mess last night.
Oh .. @CoachDrone is there in the crowd. Gotta thank him for inspiring me.

@CoachDone
Looks like that poor sob from "The Jungle" has learned archery after all... I have competition as a coach. That too in this jungle .... :(

@CoachDrone learns of @OneWord's practice schedule with his own statue as inspiration. @OneWord regards @CoachDrone as his coach. @CoachDrone is flattered at first but then realizes that someone has bettered his own pupils and that too without a real coach...

@CoachDrone
Ouch ! This is embarrassing. My own statue seems to be a better coach than the real me. Got to stop the word of this getting around.

@AreJune
Seems @CoachDrone isn't as know it all as we thought him to be.

@CoachDrone
My statute or me in person .. its the same thing. This is a copy right violation.  Screw you @OneWord. Time to pay up for using my name.

@CoachDrone demands @OneWord's right hand thumb as a fee for using his name and threatens a lawsuit in ElephantVille.

@CoachDrone
@OneWord is just a fraud. @AreJune is my best pupil.

@OneWord
Damn you ElephantVille copyright laws. Can't afford lawyers or lawsuit. Guess thumb was a lucky escape.

@AreJune
Yippie!! @CoachDrone rocks. I am number one again.

@OneWord
Ouch that missing thumb hurts. Thank god that touch mobiles can be used with just one finger.
Angry birds here I come.

Not much is known of @OneWord since. Occasional tweets about his prowess with Angry Birds are seen. Rumor has it that he is practicing archery with his remaining fingers and the left hand with a hope to participate in Elephantville games. Guess he does not know about the rampant nepotism there preventing  participation of outsiders. The Elephantville games itself are a matter of another story. No happy ending here but hopefully more stories to come. 

That's all for today's post. Hopefully I will have more creative epiphanies to do a bunch more posts in this series. Till then watch this space.

Finally acknowledgements and disclaimers.
- I would like to acknowledge that the idea of this series is inspired by a series posted a few years ago by blogger Crystal Blur. The content here though is 100% original.
- Disclaimer - All characters in this work are purely fictional and any resemblance to any person living or dead is purely coincidental. Of course the story is loosely based on a mythological tale that I heard as a bed time story, so please do not read too much into it. It is certainly not accurate and I have taken some creative liberties with intent to poke some humor into the myth. Laugh if you feel like it or criticize if you don't like it but please leave comments.