The Art of Sleeping - I

Mumbai teaches one a lot of things. Every outsider is either shocked by or is raving about the fast life in the city. Some say it is a city where everyone is just running around. In a way it is true.People are running to catch the train or bus or flight almost all the time. The sprint is almost inevitable. However admist all the grind of the city where travel times can be as much as 4 hours every day, travelling is a significant part of the 24 hour day. Most small town people haven't known traveling times more than an hour and 4 hours .. that's huge. It also means that with the work day of >8 hours, the lunch, dinner breaks, getting ready and all ... there is hardly any time left to sleep.

For some one like me it is difficult to let go the precious 8 hours of sleep. With the hectic lifestyle I couldn't spend that much on my bed and thus I learnt the "art of sleeping".
Here are some golden words tips on how to get your days sleep...

1. Horse Stance
They say, horses can sleep while standing. I find it difficult to believe that those graceful beasts can stand after all the running they have to do for their owners, let alone sleeping while standing. However in Mumbai, this style of sleeping while standing is an art worth mastering. To do so, first thing you need to find is a crowded area. So crowded that there is barely space enough to stand on one foot. Yes, I am talking about the famous local trains. So once you have spotted such a crowded spot in the fast train (fast train because there are fewer stops), all you have to do is find a support handle overhead. Next grab the handle with both hands, rest your head on one of the shoulders and there you are ready to fall asleep. Some ignorant people may ask won't you fall when the train brakes or shakes ... That's where the crowd comes into play. The fast train will be so crowded that any movement by you will be easily offset by the crowd around you. Even if the train stops or your leg muscles give in to your weight .. you can't fall down.

If you have been starved of sleep during the rest of the day, these sleepy travel hours in the train can now help you attain the serenity of a Buddha amidst all of the crowd, the manly odour of sweat, the sound of the moving train etc..

In the subsequent posts on this series I'll spill out my beans on some other forms in the "art of sleeping"..
Till then happy sleeping ..

Cook like a Lazy Bachelor

I have spent a fair amount of time living away from home with roommates. Now most of that time was spent in India, where cheap, edible food is easy to come by. As a bachelor miles away from home, the mom's home cooked meal might become a paradise, but there are several options to cheap , edible food. There are small hotels, dhabas, canteens (mesh), food stalls (e.g. pav bhaji) etc. As if that is not enough, there are the dabbawalas and even cooks for hire. All these mean that as a lazy bachelor like me doesn't have to cook in order to get fed.

However I also spent a significant amount of my bachelor's life in US. That's were I learn't that all the options mentioned above are, like my Mom's cooking, a luxury. My instincts did ensure that I could still survive without cooking much. However, what was instinctive turns out, is actually a process worth defining. Thus the next few points are my words of wisdom meant to help those in need to serve the sloth in them.
So here is the 5 point approach to getting fed with good food in the US without having to cook or get married.

1. Searching
The whole process starts with the all important search. The search for a guy who can cook well and is either looking for a room or a roommate. The search really doesn't have to be for a guy. It coule be a better if the result is a girl but frankly I am a conservative Indian and the concept of live-in was not ok with me when I was in the US. The important thing here is a "cook in need" of a roommate or a room.

2. Marketing
If you have found a "cook in need" then this point is not too difficult. All you have to do is sell yourself well to this guy and convince him to be your roommate. You would even be in a better bargaining position if the "cook in need" is looking for a room and you have one with space for one roommate.

3. Cooking
This process might be shocking for the true sloths and perhaps even risky. Its a process which is contradictory to the very purpose of the 5 point approach. It's however arguably the most important one too. Once the "cook in need" is your roommate, offer to cook for both of you. Take pride in whatever you can cook. Then prepare the best of your recipes and appear to be putting your best effort. The most important thing here is to ensure that whatever you cook only looks good but tastes like shit. Actually looking good part is optional, but "tastes like shit" is mandatory.

4. Eat S**t
By cooking for both you would have ensured that the only edible thing available in the house is the meal you just cooked. Now all you have to do is eat this meal with total commitment to eating and take much more pride in doing so, than you did when cooking. That way you have proven that you can eat almost anything. By cooking a useless meal you have also ensured that your roommate is going to either have an empty stomach or order a pizza. From my experience I have observed, that a good cook would rather cook than eat s**t or order a pizza every day. Whereas for a bad cook like me, almost any cooking is better than the s**t I cook. Thus you have now ensured that your roomate knows that you can't cook and can eat anything edible.

5. Be prepared to cry
This last point is more like putting nails on the coffin. By point 4 you have now acquired a roommate who is willing to cook for you. However what is to stop him from looking for a roommate again. That's where this point comes in. All you have to do is be happy in doing 2 things. First always be the guy who does the dishes. Yes it is a little hard work but better than having to eat a meal cooked by self. In US, a lot of apartments come with dishwashers. If yours is one of those, then doing the dishes doesn't count towards a significant contribution. Then be prepared to cut the vegetables and most importantly the onions (unless your roommate is a jain or gujju who doesn't eat onions). All good cooks like people who can cut onions as per their size specifications (i even claim to cut them in terms of square mm). Onions make you cry, but it is better to cry over onions than to eat a self cooked meal or order pizza everyday. It is even said that the tears drawn by the onion's smell help the health of eyes in some way.

Thus I have now brought out the 5 point process. However it is important to remember that for lazy people a lot of this process is instinctive. My ex roomie referred to as The Owl seemed to know this whole process instinctively even as I narrated this to him once. Thus if your "cook in need" is also a sloth then you might face some serious competition.
Another disclaimer, this process will work only with roommates. I think that most wives are quite smart to see through this process and any married men wanting to try this out please be prepared for the couch and a little bit of the "belan"

A life called Infosys - When I was in the US ...

In my last post I talked about the American Reality. However I did forget to mention that the reality also included several other non material experiences. These however form a part of cherished memories and not just material aspects of the life in US.
These include various experinces around the daily life like Driving, cooking, friday night parties, travelling, the snow fall, the autumn colours. I would have to write a whole different post(s) on those memories to be able to do justice to them.
This post is however about the after effects that those memories and the American reality have on an individual who returns to India after a really long time

My first observation as I came back to India, was of the vibrant life out here. There are people all around in the city of Mumbai .. even at 4:00 am in the night.It was a pleasant change after moving on roads which only had vehicles. So now that I am back in India to stay I might as well highlight (in no specific order) the after effects of coming back after a long stay outside India.

The Amnesia
After shocking my Mom by turning up unannounced at 4:00 am, I set out to rediscover India. Things had changed a lot in that 1.5 years that I was out. The stock market indexes had more than doubled themselves, the Indian economy was on an unprecedented growth path, old sick industries were replaced by tall buildings or shopping malls, there were many more cars on the street. It was almost a place alien to me.
That's when I realised that coming back from the US was more like waking up with an amnesia and as if I just can't remember what had happened in last 1.5 years. It was almost as if I had a void in my life for that period and the whole country had somehow propelled itself several light years ahead. Thus apart from the economic changes there were some other significant differences. Indian cricket team was no longer the world beater (except Australia) that it was in 2003. Himesh Reshamiya was a hit, and you could hate him but not miss him on any channel. Stand up comedy was now a big hit and Jhonny Lever, Shekhar Suman could now be seen as pioneers of a growing cult. Cheap airlines where everywhere. I thought wow ..where was I, when all this was happening... I guess I just lost two years of memory .. Frankly I didn't lose any but yet there is still this feeling of Amnesia.

1 Usd = Rs 45
The first few weeks on return spent shopping. As yet I hadn't received my rupee salary so I was still converting everything into USD and thinking .. wow India is so cheap..So I ended up buying goods worth more than a couple of months of my Indian salary in just 2 weeks. The good old 14 inch T.V used to suffice in the bachelor's room but now I wanted to unleash a 29 inch gaint in my 1 bedroom apartment. The I was even thinking of buying a small flat on down payment, but to my surprise I discovered that along with the booming economy the real estate prices too had doubled. Around the same time my first Indian salary came down and thankfully realty dawned on me. The fact that I wasn't really getting paid in USD any longer and that rupee is still a poor currency.

Traffic Sense .. What's that ?
Even as I stepped out of the airport into the front seat of a an out of production "Premier Padmini" taxi, I was still stuck in the traffic discipline of the US. Then I realised the first "When I was in the US" effect. As I sat on the front seat, I was searching for the non existent seat belt. The lack of it did make realise that I was back in India, but for the first time I was scared about effect of accidents in absence of seatbelts. After all "when I was in the US" wearing a seat belt was cumpulsory on the front seat. I also discovered that the 2 second rule exists only in books (all 2 / 4 wheeler license holders who haven't heard of this rule .. please do 10 sit ups as a punishment for getting the license through corrupt means). Every time the taxi drew close to the vehicle in front I was scared that we would rearend the vehicle and was shouting in my mind at the peak of my inner voice ... "Brake Brake !"
Later I realised that in India people do appreciate the concept of brake, except that they prefer optimising the distance between 2 vehicles to virtually zero.

Cooking and cleaning
"When I was in the US" I used to cook my own food and wash utensils. This had left a lasting impression. For the first few days I was still used to washing utensils and it was difficult to let go off the lunch plate after eating. That even if my Mom insisted on me not entering the kitchen. Of course my laziness ensured that I didn't resist much, but I have to say that being served and taken care of was a very welcome change. Apart from that, I was always out there to proclaim my culinary skills with head held high. Of course, that only upto the point till some one asked me to cook up something. Then I realised that I could cook excuses better than food. .On day one. I proudly announced to my Mom, that I could cook well. To date I haven't cooked the fried fish or chicken that I promised would leave her licking her fingers. At least I learnt cooking excuses I guess.

Seniority
Now even though I had that amnesia, I discovered that there was something useful also about it. As I entered my Infy campus, I realised that there was a whole set of people who had joined after I left the campus on my deputation. Thus the campus was full of whole new and younger crowd. Suddenly there was a new found sense of seniority. There were now people who took even my crap quite seriously. Afterall I had the onsite return tag associated with me. The managers treated my ideas with more respect and seriousness. The new joinees seemed to look up to me. Informal "Tu" and "Tum" words in the daily hindi were replaced by a respectful "aap" except by people who had like me recently returned from onsite. In fact for some time they were the only people I knew. Hence I guess the associated "seniority" factor. Soon I got tired of hearing the formal diction of people with me and decided to give up the seniority feeling for a more peer feel. However it is one feeling which was a pleasant change for some time at least.

Art of Story telling
I was never a stranger to the art of story telling. I think talking from own experiences coupled with using simile, metaphors and hyperbole comes quite naturally to me. Most of my blogs are also thus written. However the seniority factor had kicked in quite well and people listened (especially juniors) quite patiently to all my stories. They showed keen interest and I happily obliged. I soon found my stories starting with "When I was in the US .....". Soon as the seniority turned to peer feeling, the term "When I was in the US ... " was used more to pull my leg whenever the "Amnesia" seemed to hit me. Thus the name of this post.

A life called Infosys - The American Reality

This post has not much to do with Infosys, except that Infosys sponsered my Ticket to the USA. After looking forward to the "Great American Dream" ,mentioned in the previous article, when the dream finally comes true the experience is totally different. It is almost unexpected. Right from the time one lands on the airport to the point when one leaves the country for the trip back home, its a mixed bag of experiences. Some which one cherishes others which serve as a reality check.

The first thing one would notice at any US International airport is that it is a country which is now a home to, in a sense, a whole world. Thus one sees Africans, Asians, Europeans and of course Americans all in the same place. Its afterall it is a country built through several hundreds years of immigration. Immigrants who came in search of their own Great American Dream and then became a part of it. Diversity is nothing new for me, as a Mumbaite and an Indian but this diversity of the whole world is definitely a different experience.

The next thing I observed was wide, flat roads and speeding cars. After being so used to the bumpy rides all over India, it was a welcome change to be able to move around in a car without risking a sprain in the back. However while there were such wide roads and fast cars, I soon realised one big thing missing. There were almost no people moving around on the footpath. From a country which was densely populated with people all around, this was a change that was definitely not welcome. I guess as social animals, being around people is quite important for us. It was a strange and eerie feeling to be not able to see people walking around. Its almost as if all those fast roads and comfortable cars had made people forget what walking was all about.

A few days into the country and i came to know some important definitions. Definitions that marked the presence into a country which seems to value people so much, Yet the full life revolves around materials.

1. SSN
The Social Security Number is a unique number identifying every US tax payer. However its beyond just being a number. Its almost a number without which, as a foreigner, one cannot exist in US. Whether it is opening a bank account or getting a drivers license or even a mobile phone the SSN is a must.. In short if there anything that either identifies you or is related to your finances .. you don't exist until you have an SSN. The physical presence and passport identification don't seem to be enough to change that lack of existence...
However, Pubs, Discs and Gentlemen's club allow entry with just a passport..Had it not been these -- lack of SSN makes it feel as if its a dog's life ... The scariest part especially for some one on a work permit is that the Salary reportedly cannot be credited without a bank account and a SSN . Thankfully though I got mine quickly.

2. Credit histroy
Now even if one has an SSN, in a country where there is perhaps more plastic money than paper money... it is again difficult to imagine making do without a credit card. Its a country that's almost driven by Credit.. So much so that there is whole credit history which is maintained against an individual and his SSN. This history is queried by anyone who is considering lending money or a service that involves credit payments.. Be it a bank loan or even the mobile service provider every one checks your history... Paradoxically however, without having availiing any credit one cannot build that history.. There are of course ways to do that, like secure credit cards .. but it is a long and painful processes to be recognized as a credit worthy individual. The ironical part however is , once established as one, the people extending credit (retail banks) won't stop haunting you to take more credit.

3. Shopping Malls and Mega Stores
As I write this post, India is changing. There are shopping malls everywhere in India. However when I made my first trip to US, shopping malls were an alien concept in India. There were huge stores which called themselves malls and there were true shopping malls in some of the metropolitan cities. However none of those compare up to the sheer size of a Walmart or a Sam's club or some of the Shopping Malls that house these Mega Stores. As one enters one of these malls, a realization dawns. This place has practically everything from a safety pin to large furniture. For a shopper its a paradise... Several racks full of merchandise to pick from. They also define the competitiveness and commiditization in almost all goods. The malls are a defining moment of America to an Indian. As a friend put it "For me the defining moment of entry to America was when we walked into that store picked up the TV, table, kitchen stuff and other things, and walked to the checkout counter to finish shopping with a swipe of a card" ....
So simple huh ....

4. Bills.
Bills stand for a lot of things in this country. If you are paying the bills its a great thing because it also means that you are earning bills .... The statement might sound illogical or paradoxical but its true. Almost every service that is provided and involves credit, has an associated bill that the service provider sends to you. You have to pay the bills to make a good "Credit History" and enjoy uninterrupted service. To pay a bill, of course, you have to be earning money. To pay a bill you have to shell out bills .. the Dollar bills.. What we,in India, call as currency notes are also known as bills out in the US.
For any person, within a month or two this list of bills becomes quite long ... so long that life seems to just revolve around "Due dates".. To name a few bills - telephone, mobile, credit card, internet, cable tv, DVD subscription (movie buffs .. take a note) ... and so on ..
After all its a country which runs on Credit ....

5. Laptop with wirless lan
If you are a techie or for that matter even conversant enough with computers to be browsing the internet then there is a good chance that this point applies to you. Soon after entering the country and settling down in an apartment, you would realise that you need internet. Afterall chatting with your friends and family back home is important. If you can afford it you'd choose broadband which of course is not too costly. This is also one country where laptops are quite affordable. Thus almost anyone who can afford it has one. If you are a IT employee like me then add to the list a company and possibly a client provided laptop too. Once you have a laptop and broadband you want to be able to connect to net from the comfort of your bed ... There you discover the convenience of wireless LAN. If you are a corrupt DESI like me, you probably discovered that convinience without even having to buy a wirelass router .. God bless those non techie neighbours for setting up unsecured LANs..
Soon you would realise that every waking moment that you are seated home and not doing a household chore .. you are in fact accessing the net .. mailing, chatting, browsing, reading, "Dealing" (more on this in the next para) .. Soon your main means of communication to the outside world becomes the net ... For all you know, you are in an interesting conversation with a chat friend and you figure out that it is none other than the next door neighbour you never care to say "hi" to when in person... Remember Meg Ryan and Tom Hanks in "You got Mail"... That's the power of Laptop with wireless Lan.

6. Dealing.
I think this is one an art rather than a concept and that it is more common to Indians in America than Americans themselves. The American salesman has a unique way of making sure that the consumers buy 10 things they don't need. Its called "Deal". Put simply they would offer various options like instant rebate, cash back, mail in rebate (you are paid back by check if you care to send them a snail mail saying you are entitled to it), buy one get one free,coupon discount, and so on.... These are advertised as deals.. Not only that these deals are advertised, there even websites that bring you information from the various stores, service provides, sellers, companies etc, about deals on a product that you choose to search on. Thus you can find out the right deal from the comfort of your bed (Laptop with wireless lan). Talk about lazy shopping. Then there are the highly marketed Deals on the big shopping days like the day after Thanks giving day sale.
I have to say though that if you are a patient and smart shopper, all these deals mean that you can actually get hold of something that you have a fetish for, at almost a throw away price. The key is keeping a track of all the deal sites, on a regular basis, watching the objects of interest and making notes. That is the art of Dealing. I remember I had quite a few friends who were quite skilled at this art. One of my collegues was so preoccupied with this art that "Deal" became his middle name. Need I say more on this art...

7. s***p Clubs.
No comments... Lest I blow out my truth.

My next post would be life after coming back to Mother India ... the homeland

A life called Infosys - The Great American Dream

The Great American Dream
Most of us from the developing economies like India, have grown up looking up to the US as a land of opportunities, where nothing seems impossible. A lot of us have aspirations to go this land of dreams and make most of the opportunies if offers. It is a dream about living a comfortable life, having lots of money to spend, owning a fancy car, a small villa somewhere, having fun at the casinos, watching the gorgeous looking hollywood babes, the XXXX clubs (sorry that is censored), travelling half way around the world and so on ... A lot of the dream is, fuelled (apart from the money part) by our appetite for the hollywood movies, may not be a true representation of the US. However whether the representation is true or not it does form "The Great American Dream"

Now how does Infosys link up with this dream. That can be explained quite easily. Just like any typical Software services company, a large part of the Infosys business comes from the USA. Thus as an employee it offers a lot of opportunities to travel. So within weeks of entering the company a person would come to relate the term "onsite" (stands for the project team that faces the client in the US) to "The Great American Dream". Its true because the people at onsite are usually Indian employees on abroad deputations and for all those in India, they are living the Dream.

For anyone remotely interested in any part of the Dream (for most of us it is the money), a subconscious build up to that dream starts very soon. Thus its a time to party when the manager asks some one to file the papers for a Visa, or when the Visa interview is successfully cleared, or when the travel date is announced. Never would anybody be so excited about a short term transfer as some one who is about to get that ticket to the US. I think even Europe or Australia would be good destinations but then they don't have the "Dream" associated with them. The best part is that any person with a sufficient work experience, an ability to get the job done and acceptable communication skills, eventually ends up getting the chance. In short most people would eventually get that chance to party.

Its a dream that literally shakes up the life for some. It should be, for it involves moving physically to the other end of the globe. Thus the announcement of an onsite opportunity is not just a time to party. Its a time to spend several thousand rupees in shopping. The time to perhaps even sell of some of the household items like furniture, electronics etc, if the trip is expected to be a long one. For some with stable relationships it is a time to even tie the knot in a hurry (for who knows when will I get to return?). Its a time to start bothering about things like do I have an international driver's permit, how many $s should I save a month, do I know any one there, can some one fix up an apartment for me and so on. I cannot think of any event, other than marriage, that shakes up some ones life so much and yet that person is excited about it. There is the anxiety, the fear, the pain of separation from loved ones but I think usually the excitement reins supreme.

For some this dream becomes true the first time the manager announces about the opportunity. However for many this dream also has an additional twist of the "law of uncertain dates".
The law as I would quote it is "A person is not at onsite until having cleared all the immigration checks at the US airport and taken the first breath of the air in the US" Any one would say that the above statement is obvious and this very statement does not mention anything about a Date. The reason is that this statemen is the consequence of some of the uncertainties that bother people. As mentioned in the "shake up of life" para above, the announcement on onsite shakes up life and yet a person is excited about it. It is because most people have in their dreams already started living the "Great American Dream". However every now and then due to delay in formalities the dates get pushed, the trip gets postponed in definitely, the trip even gets cancelled and so on. I have even heard stories of people having confirmed tickets in the hands and then being recalled from the airport. Of course given the business model of the company there is rarely a case who does not get the opportunity at all. As I mentioned before "eventually" every one gets the chance. However the uncertainties mentioned above mean that the excitement will often be met with grave dissapointment for short while. Thus the simple statement at the begining of this para,turns into "The law of uncertain dates"

Thus every infoscions "Great American Dream" is now summarized in few words. My next article would be about living that dream.

A life called Infosys - The bulletin boards

In my last post in this series, I mentioned about the bulletin boards. While the clubs and canteens are important to the life called infosys, the bulletin boards are perhaps the single unique feature that really sets apart, the life at Infosys.

So what are the bulletin boards. For all users of MS Outlook, they are nothing but a set of officially set up public folders open to all employees for posting anything as long as the "anything" complies with a certain set of restrictions. As for non MS outlook users, imagine it as being like a wall where every employee could come and post his / her thoughts, only that this wall is not a real one but a wall in the virtual world of the computer network.

So with the context of the bulletin board set, its now time to bring it to life .. at least in words.

My first encounter with the bulletin board was when I was looking out for a rental flat in bangalore. Me and my roommates to be were all new to the city and also new to the concept of renting apartments. The brokers charged a hefty commission and most of us were without any cash as we hadn't yet received our first salary. Then we came across a bulletin board folder dedicated to real estate, buy and sell .. So what was this folder, a virtual market place with buyers and sellers all posting their messages, views and reviews about anything and everything that could be bought or sold legitimately. For us as the new comers it was just the ideal thing we could ask for and soon within a couple of weeks of searching we were in an apartment that was almost perfect. Thanks to the bulletin board we directly contacted the owner, had already got reviews on the area and the location. All we had to do now was to sign the contract and move in.

As days passed by I discovered that the bulletin board was more than just about buying and selling. There were various folders which served different purposes. If differently put, the purpose was pretty much discussion and a place to put opinion , but the topics were many and hence grouped logically very much like discussion forums on the net.
Thus there was a board each for sports, heath, entertainment, events, buy / sell etc. As if they were not enough there was also a general board for everything under the sun. Not to mention the fact that being in the information technology industry there is the need to collbarate and share information / knowledge on the technologies itself. Thus there were a whole lot of boards for each and every technology that people worked on.

Soon my day, usually started with checking emails, followed by getting to work. Every now and then I felt the need to stretch and relax for a minute and there were the bulletin boards. I gradually starting depending on them for the time I chose to sneak away from work. The best part was that my boss wouldn't be able to spot that I was not quite working as it would seem like I was reading my mail.

Thus to serve my break time reading, there were the cartoons like Calvin and Hobbes (till some one discovered that posting cartoons on the boards was a potential copyright violation and it was stopped), there were the discussions like "is Lara or tendulkar the best batsman", "Why can't the canteen cook better meal?", "Why should there be a dress code?" and so on. I realised that apart from a few fruitful discussions most threads would start with some useful knowledge sharing which was soon hijacked by a set of totally useless yet entertaining comments and then the thread would take a whole new direction.

One example best illustrates the entertainment value of the bulleting boards. I recently read one thread where some one complained on the non availability of whole milk in the coffee dispenser in a particular DC while other DCs had that facility. The argument was that tea with milk powder does not taste as good as with whole milk. While I agree with the argument itself, what discussion ensued later is probably still doing rounds in the email forwarding zone. The discussion soon turned to the sources of getting whole milk in the campus, which in turn pointed to a need for Infosys to enter Animal husbandry and then the most hilarious twist was the question whether the animals would be made to wear identification badges like all human employees. Thankfully though Infosys does not seem to interested in entering that business ..

Apart from providing entertainment the bulletin board also served as a vent for pouring out the frustrations and the stress of the work. It also served as a place to share information. A place to even form a network. I think a whole lot of clubs would have had their roots starting out in a thread on the bulletin board. I myself know of one such club and the number could not be down to just that. Apart from real clubs there were also virtual clubs. A good virtual one which I came to be a part of albiet for a short time was a Mithun da fan club were all people were hell bent on proving that Mithun made up for the most entertaining action hero with all his stylish antiques. Now for most people who have grown up avoiding his action flicks, the number of people who responded to this club would seem incredible but I guess the entertainment value of the club was to blame for that.

A description of the bulletin board would be incomplete without talking about the types of people who could be found posting on the boards.
So here is a guide

1. Information seekers - The people who would more often than not start new threads. They represent the need of a bulletin board in the company.

2. The guides - These are the people who share useful information based on the context and are very valuable to the sustainance of the bulletin boards. Usually a post seeking information will be met with a post from someone from this group.

3. The misguides - These are the people who are very important to the side effect of the bulletin boards - entertainment. It is a very useful side effect as described in my above paras but not necessarily a desired one as far as the management goes. Put simply the misguides provide the twists to the threads so as to take the discussion to new levels. My example above demonstrates the result of posts by the misguides.

4. The experts - These are the people who are not really experts on any particular subject but they are the experts on the bulletin board itself. They are in a way an advanced form of the misguides. Like misguides they too provide twists and turns to most topics but theirs grip on the art of misguidance is at a completely different level. They are the ones who check the bulletin board messages like their own mailbox and consider it their duty to reply to every post to the best of their abilities. Thus no thread can go without having a comment from the experts. Gradually these experts by their ability of misguidance become so important to the entertainment proposition of the boards that their absence is also felt.
I remember once when one of these "experts" was on leave for a week. Within a day there were postings asking where he was. In short some of the experts also end up developing a fan following for their posts. They may also be thus refered to as the "the celebraties" of the bulletin board.

Of course with these varied types it is important also to point out that no person can strictly fit into one single category. Most people take all roles from the information seekers to misguides.
Its only the "experts" who are few and even they occasionally wear the shoes of the information seekers or guides.

With this I salute the bulletin board and the people that maketh the boards a reality

The Owl

As a kid, I often read fables which always depicted the owl as a wise bird. Of course I don't seem to remember any of those fables now. What I do remember is that the owl is considered a wise bird. As a teenager most of us are the young birds, ready to take the flight, metaphorically speaking of course. If one could then extend this metaphor to people each of us could end up being named after one of those birds. Thus I have decided to name one of my ex roommates as an owl.

I have known this guy for a very long time now. We started our undergrad in the same class and lived in the same locality. Naturally we ended up spending a lot of time together in the classroom and while travelling back and forth to college. Gradually we came to know each other quite well and shared a lot of our thoughts. I guess both of us have influenced each other in the way we developed in our late teens.

We mostly chatted about a variety of topics in the bus right from how to tackle a particular subject to who's the better actor .. Amithabh or sharukh ...Talkative as I am, I mostly talked and he listened. He always seemed to have a quite confidence about him and I thought he was constantly thinking and analysing things around him (even while he was sleeping in the bus). He seemed to show a lot more maturity than most teenagers his age, albiet he was not as street smart as most teenagers his age. However I realised gradually how much of a thinker he was and gradually also realised that he had become an advisor for most of our common friends in a variety of matters.. In that sense he had become the wise man .. the owl..

However it would be unfair to him if I called him the owl only for his thinking prowess. As a thinker he has always been a definite competitor to me (perhaps the winner too)... but our competition does not stop at that. Both of us have been and still are nocturnal and lazy creatures. The word noctornal definetly justifies his claim to being the owl although I can't say the same about laziness. However at both these characteristics he has always been a very tough competitor.

We came to be the real competitors when we became room mates of late. It was all about being the lazier guy now. The nocturnal part had been destroyed by now due to the entry into the corporate world, where being asleep in the morning hours was not necessarily considered a virtue. However our profession is such that we can hide our laziness and perhaps even use it to our advantage if only we could disguise it well enough. Thus now the competition in laziness had come a long way from boasting about it en route to college to really proving the point.

So there we were trying to out do each other at who could figure out the way to the TV remote by expending the least energy possible. The competition was so intense that usually proximity to the remote was the clinching factor , or rather lack of it. We always tried to prove to each other how the other guy was closer to the remote or to the switch board. If on an odd day, the proximity factor was high enough for both of us that the remote was beyond the stretching leg or hand then,we would wait each other out so that the other person would get up say for a natures call thus increasing his proximity factor and thus bring about the tie breaker.
I don't think either of us ever kept scores but I am sure that the competition was tough.

Another place where we competed a lot was video games. Here I think he was always the guy who had an edge, for somehow despite all his laziness he was a great button masher and I was not. Additionally the usually quite owl would suddenly start shouting loudly and taunting his oponents during the game and thus it was always fun and challenging to play mortal kombat or halo against him.

As if gaming and laziness were not enough, we had a few more common interests - trekking, travelling to mumbai, sleeping in the bus, watching movies.. and so on. Thus I have known him as one of those guys who was usually there just one phone call away, be it going out for a boring movie to get rid of our boredom or going off for a trek to beat the stress..
I remember how after one of those frustrating viva - voce, where both of us had faired really bad, we came close to the train station and decided it was time to go to a movie. I don't remember who came up with the suggestion first or how did we decide which movie to go to. All I remember is that we saw arguably one of the worse movies and came out of the theater with all the frustation gone .. How ... simply by passing expert comments (read as cursing and cribbing) on every possible scene...I think our commenting habits (more so mine) meant that irrespective of rating of the movie, we always came out of the cinema hall quite satisfied with the movie..

Over the period of time he has become one of those friends, who has not only been a friend but on occasions the philospher and some times even the guide.. Each time either of us had something to discuss, be it how to approach that girl I like, or what to do about accelarating professional growth or simply talk about how the new Don movie was different from the old Don we would just go to the cafeteria and have a long chat... In that sense I think the feeling of friend, philosopher and guide was a reciprocal one for both us .. Thus he has been the owl to me..

As I end this post,I have to bring out the fact that he has now taken a huge step which is expected to change a lot his traits.. He has stepped into the world of married people.. I expect that soon his laziness would be treated by his better half and I would emerge the winner the next time we compete (unless something earth shattering as marriage happens for me too). His gaming habits will definitely have to go out of the door in favour of quality time (read as time spent listening to his better half) ... Actually even as his marriage date was closing on, he had already given up a lot of the movies, games, treks etc in favour of quality time.. However now those changes are only going to be overwhelming to him .. and all I can say is my best wishes with married life ..

The Casanova

The word casanova for most "James Bond" fans stands for someone for whom it is just about an hour from the roulette table to getting laid. However bring it to the Indian context and roulette table it self is not available and getting laid is not something that is not so much in fashion for the general lot. Thus the term takes a new definition. Someone who spends most of his time either chasing or being in company of females, with the hope that some day he would be able to forgo his virginity. Some succeed others have to wait till marriage.

Now given this "Indian" context of Casanova, I have to say that I had a roommate who fits the bill perfectly. I had known this cool dude for almost 5 yrs before he actually became my room mate. We had been together in engineering college too. So his personality was no surprise to me. Soon after he became my roommate I started counting the numbers.. No I am not talking about the expenses or electricity bills. I am not talking phone numbers either. I was simply trying to keep a track of the number of girls he mentioned to me. Soon I figured there was no point of counting. There was one for pretty much every big suburb of Pune and some suburbs of Mumbai. A lot of them had names which ended with "ali". So every time he came home late I would say "aaz kon ali?" (Who came today - ali also means "came" in marathi).

My question was usually returned with the response which said "There is a female ... blah blah (that's what his stories would sound to me) ... I think I am in love" Then I would remind him of a dialogue from dil chahta hai "Aaj Pooja to kal koi Dooja" ... Within a month or so there was usually the dooja and thus a new story all together. For me and my other roommates these stories were nothing but free entertainment.. (God spare me for enjoying at the expense of my friend's sensitive stories). I guess "Casanova" knew what Iwas upto. He however kept me interested by promising to introduce me to a friend of one of the girls he was chasing. He would even ask me to clean up the house saying that somebody would be coming there. I did fall for it a few times (I dusted the floor once) but mostly nobody ever turned up. At best my friend would come back and tell us another sensitive story about the problem in life of one of his "aalis".

Soon I figured out that Casanova was not really a casanova in the true sense of the word. He was just trying to be one, but at heart he was really a great friend to his "aalis". He was someone to whom they could talk out their heart to. I guess some of them even loved him. But unfortunately to his dismay it was more the brotherly love rather than the boy friendly, that he wanted. Frankly only he can tell for sure what it was. However I like my version of this, cause again that's how his stories were a source of entertainment for rest of us. I could almost bet, that given him, he would perhaps end up in a relationship that was arranged by his parents. But my bet would have to wait a long time to see the result for he never stuck to one female for a significant time.

However outside of his Casanova aspirations, he has been a great friend. He has always been helpful and always has the intent to help even if the situation meant that he cannot really help. He is one of the men who actually listen. I guess that's why all those aalis could talk their hearts to him. Unlike most men he actually listens and empathises with others. Now that's a quality which is hard to find. He has been a great friend over the years and hopefully continues to be after reading this blog too.

As I decide to bring the curtains to this casanova story, I cannot go without having talked about the bet which I never placed. If I did I would have won. Ultimately his parents did arrange for a homely girl for him and those to hit off very well. Soon the wedding bells rang and they are now happily married. So much, for the years of trying to be the casanova.. I guess that's what the happy begining to his next phase in life was meant to be. I hope that his wife doesn't read this post cause if she does, he is sure going to have a lot of explaining to do ... maybe sleep on the couch for a few days ....

A life called Infosys - The clubs and canteens

Infosys is a big software company now and like most software giants they have several campuses spread across the country. These campuses are better known as Development Centers.
As expected these DCs have a few to several thousands of employees, state of art office spaces and state of art hardware to get the job done. They have those break out rooms, coffee vending machines, security cameras ...etc ...All things that one might expect from a company this size. Of course there are the canteens and clubs ... However these are the 2 very facilities that differentiate Infosys DCs from a lot of peers.

One might say so what's so special about these, every big campus has these facilities. Yet they are different.
Lets start with the clubs..
There are again two parts to these .. the people and the material. The "material" being a state of art and well maintained Gym, which might put any commerical gymnasium to shame. Not to mention the swimming pools (complete with jacuzzi and sauna beside them), TT tables, basket ball and volley ball courts, Tennis Lawns and at some DCs even indoor badminton courts.
For any man of muscle (or those without muscles like me), or woman of curves (no naughty thoughts please) one look at the building is convincing to shell out the small premium to use the facilities (yes good facilities come at a fee, albiet a small one here compared to any commercial facility). Even a person who dreads the gym (yours truely) would end up joining the place after a look at these facilities . As for me, despite my laziness I ended up learning swimming. Its a different story that for every 20 minutes of swimming lessons I spent another 20 minutes just standing in the water convincing myself to have another shy at going the distance and another 20 minutes (at the end) were spent relaxing in the jacuzzi.. However had it not been the last 20 minutes I guess I would have never endured the first 40 .. Now that's what I call a good Gym ... the one that entices the laziest of persons to expend some calories (for the uninitiated even spending 5 minutes in jacuzzi will burn out a lot of calories )

Then there are the people... The very software professionals who also happen to have diverse hobbies. ... And thus as many hobby groups (clubs) as the hobbies .. You name it and you have it ... adventure club, music group, theatre group, Toastmasters club ... the list goes on.. At last count there was even a Mithun da fan club (more on that in a different article when I get to the bulletin boards). Beat that.. For some these clubs are avenues to fulfil their hobbies and for several others they are the places to discover new ones.. I, for one, am among the discoverers and can attribute my "Shanbhag Travels" posts to the Bangalore DC Adventura club for helping me discover the trekker in me.

The clubs are so much a part of the Infosys culture that, for people like me they are one big reason, the years at Infosys are what I have come to call as "The life called Infosys"

If the clubs where are not enough to make one a part of the infosys culture, there are the canteens.
As dictated by big campuses the canteens are also big. They have their own separate buildings. A typical canteen is a spacious looking hall with lots of chairs and tables occupying the space and the food counters at some corners. Some even have chairs in the open air which make them quite ambient. However with the size of the DC one cannot ignore the people factor. Thus each canteen is charaterized by the long queues to get the food coupons, and then the hunt for empty tables / chairs. In some DCs the lunch queues give a feeling as if there was a gong that announced the lunch time at a factory and all the workers have suddenly flocked to the canteen. Of course there was no gong here and the software professionals (workers) are dressed in well creased formals rather than boilers suits. The situation frankly is not too different given the numbers. Then there are the caterers who will feed you almost anything in the name of food. There is competition in form of multiple caterers being allowed to set stalls in the same DC, yet all of them seem to be bad. I guess when there is plenty of demand, there is no motivation for the supplier to provide good quality. Contrary to the clubs so far I have only criticized the canteens.. then why are they places which are so important to the Infosys culture...

Despite all the criticism, the canteens are an integral part of the DC. They are the place where all of us took our long tea breaks. A canteen is a place where people are not just eating food but a place where people socialise. Be it cursing your boss, discussing the last "sachin" century or taking about the highs and lows of the stock market. Its a place where some great friendships are forged, the ice is broken between complete strangers, the solutions to some of the trickies coding problems are found. Its a place where the accumulated stress from work melts over a cup of tea. (The tea by the way was pretty good in most canteens especially compared to the vending machine on each floor).

Some of my most memorable times in Infy have been the time when I was waiting for a project soon after a transfer (better described as when I was on bench). In the office I had nothing to do but pretending to be working. Instead I found that the canteen was a very good place to be. So I used to catch some or other friend who had some time on hand and go for a cup of tea. The tea usually would take a long time where we would discuss topics of national interest, like why the vending machines were not serving good tea ?, why India lost last cricket match ?, what came first the chicken or the egg ... etc. The canteen is also the place where I came up with useful ideas like why not open a public speaking club in Infosys pune (now they have a Toastmasters Club at Pune) or Why not go out to cycling trip to Sinhagad ?

A typical day when on bench began with a half an hour of breakfast at 10:00 am, followed by an hour of lunch at 12:00 am, followed by another 20 min tea break at 3:00 (thanks to another friend on bench) and then another tea break at 5.30 before leaving for the day at 6:00 pm. In short for every 1-1.5 hours spent in office I used to spend half an hour in canteen.
So much so that some friends even started to believe that I spent all my time in canteen. Thankfully my manager didn't think like that.

Given that this is a bachelor's log and we are talking about canteen, one topic cannot go without a mention. That is Girls ... It was a time when I would ogle around looking for my next big relationship (unfortunately this is one purpose, the canteen didn't serve for me). It was a time when I would spend hours doing nothing but glancing around and not get tired. I could appreciate how despite a dress code there was really none for the fairer sex. Actually thankfully so, because "Ladies usually look good" and they variety of clothes means there always something new to look forward to (even when there is a dress code). Apart from a place where young bachelors like me are merely ogling around doing nothing, there are also the smart ones who actually used the canteens to get "tables for two" at a highly economical price and make it count. I know at least 2 couples now who used these "tables for two" to convert friendship into a useful relationship and have ultimately gotten married. If not for those canteens it would have been difficult to imagine those couples. The canteens do have a greater good to offer apart from just feeding thousands of hungry workers .... oops, software engineers.

As I end this post I would say only that there is more to these DCs than work... There are the clubs and canteens

Romeo on Bike

All through my Bachelor's life, so far, I have always done a lot of bird watching. Birds here, for the uninitiated, are a metaphor for females . I think for most guys there is a lot of fun in chasing the birds. I think even the most sober looking straight guys can't help but thinking about birds. However there are those who go that extra mile on that chase so much so that they seem to be spending a most of their time planning the chase and being a part of it.

One of my first roommates, who I have by now decided fit for the title "Romeo on Bike" is on those who not only went that extra mile but also earned significant life long returns for that. Now that his returns have been garunteed its time for me to leak out information on how he earned them ....

Both of joined at the same company on the same day. We started as young, single engineers so naturally apart from work we spent a lot of time thinking about the obvious and chasing ... well you know what ... Nothing unusual for young working bachelor's. However the whole beauty was how he went the "extra mile".

First he spotted a vulnerable target, someone who took a liking in him and he had a crush on that female. Lets call this female as the "juliet". One of the first things Romeo did well was to make sure that Juliet was on the list whenever me or any of my other roommates drew up any weekend plans. So whether it was a Sharukh movie, a birthday or a new year party, a trek or even a casual dinner together she was always there. Obvisouly since there were a few more females in the group, the rest of us were also interested in having them around. Romeo gradually got closer to Juliet through these social interactions. Now treks are not necessarily social, but there are people around and there is lots of time to spend and lots more to take a walk. So I am sure that the treks helped our Romeo as well. Of course the treks came in just at the right time for him. A time when we were all good friends and Romeo wanted to take it beyond just friends.

A reader might say ... so what... the whole story above is not very uncommon ... that's how courtship begins... or rather all Romeo's do that. What's new ? Why Romeo on bike ?

Before I move on to the "bike" part, I have to say, there is a thing about the ladies and bikes... Most of them cannot drive bikes. Most of them are too timid to be driving at high speeds. Yet almost all of them like sitting on bikes. Especially on the back seat. They are always interested in taking a ride to home or movie etc. I have even once said of some one that "if you want to keep her from crying or getting angry put her on a bike and take her for a ride."

If you haven't guessed it, I said the above words about Juliet to one of our common friends. However I was not the only one to notice this interest. Romeo was there too and he did plan it out well to make use of this interest. May be it was spontaneous. Planned or spontenous Romeo's on-bike routine worked well for him.

Our company offered a loan for buying bikes after 6 months of service. Guess what... as soon as the 6 months were over Romeo had bought his bike. Initially I thought that it was good to have someone with bike around. That would mean more mobility for me as well. But how wrong I was?. As soon as the bike came in, suddenly Romeo did not have any time at all. He soon had a very interesting routine to follow.

In the morning he would leave for office on his bike to catch breakfast with Juliet. Often there were people like me who spoilt the fun of those meetings but I guess he managed to time his meetings well enough to avoid me often. The lunch was with the whole group, but tea time was again on a table for two. Then when we returned home in the evening, there was a phone call everyday after lunch time. I used to call that phone call as time to fill DART. (DART or daily activity reporting tool was a tool that we used to report our time everday in our company). I wonder why that call was required, after all they would meet at least 3 times a day anyway before that... But I guess that's the difference between a Romeo and bachelors like me... They have something to talk about all the time.

As if the meetings on the weekdays were not enough, the bike opened up a whole new opportunity for Romeo. Afterall Juliet had always shown interest in bikes already. He normally was just another lazy bachelor averse to cleanliness and hygine... However soon afte the arrival of the bike, all that changed. The maid was roped in to make sure that the clothes were clean and available each weekend. The usage hair care products were increased to make sure that his receding hairline didn't cause problems. So our Mr Romeo, would get up early on weekends and get ready in his best T-shirt and jeans, comb his hair, spray up the deo, appreciate himself in the mirror and go off on his "Duty". Duty on weekends ? .. That's what rest of us came to call his weekend routine... After all the early morning prep, our Romeo would be off on his bike at sharp 10 am (by that time I used to be barely out of my bed). He would return back home only as late as 10 pm and then report his DART to some one.

He stuck to this routine so religiously that we started calling it his weekend "Duty"... What he did during those 12 hours is anybody's guess. Sometimes both were spotted at shopping malls. At other times they joined the rest of the group for movies. However I am sure he got a lot of quality time with his "Duty". So much so that they managed to put a happy ending to thier Romeo and Juliet story and got married recently.

As I finish this log of the Romeo on Bike, I wish that the two have a fairy tale ending. i.e. "Live happily ever after". A piece of advice to all the other romeos in making ... Get a bike. Learn to ride it well and safe. Get 2 helmets and then find someone to wear the other helmet .....
I myself am still to find some one to occupy the back seat .. but I'll take some clues from the Romeo here...

A life called Infosys - Day Dreaming at MidNights

Day Dreaming at MidNights
A description of software profession would be incomplete without having talked about Day-dreaming at nights... If this concept sounds alien let's just first define day dreaming - "dreaming with the eyes open" i.e. when a person appears to be awake. With that defined, dreaming at midnights still doesn't qualify. Afterall most people would midnight that as bed time. Then why is it different for software professionals. In the next few paragraphs I'll try to answer.

A proper treatment of this concept would require a few definitions.
1. Deadlines - A term used to define a published time line by which a certain piece of work is expected to be completed. Of course nobody dies if this time line is crossed. At worst the company / client may lose a little revenue and / or goodwill due to unavailability of certain system functions at the expected times. If at all something dies then those are "the chances of a good appraisal" for the person involved in missing the deadlines.

2. Esimate - A term used to identify a random number given out by senior management to the customer as expected size of the work. There are whole lot of models and methodologies to try and scientifically justify and rationalize the above mentioned number but I still think that it is nothing but a seemingly rational random number.

3. Resource - A term used to identify an entity who can work for about 8 - 9 hrs a day towards completing some "estimated" work. This term symbolises the fact that people are often treated as nothing more than the number of person-hours they contribute. Especially for the purpose of coming out with an "estimate"

4. Effort - A number used to quantify the a piece of work in terms of time (person hours). It is usually another random number that precedes the estimate and tries to quantify intellectual capital in terms of number of hours it takes to build up a tangible output. This term is often considered synonymous with "estimate" but the difference lies in the fact that effort is purely the size of the work whereas "estimate" might be around cost, time, effort or a combination of above three.

A time line is set by considering the total "effort" and the number of "resources". However often it becomes a dead line when some managers over "estimate" the "effort" or the capbility of "resources".
When something like the above situation happens, commitments are at stake and resources are expected to work extra hours to meet the deadlines. Sometimes the extra hours extend into the midnights and thus that time also becomes equivalent to day time in the sense that useful work is expected to be done at that time.

Having given a serious explaination of deadlines and late nights its time to bring out my own perspective to "day dreaming at midnights".
In my experience, when dead lines start becoming aggressive, there is "effort" over run and in absence of more resources, the existing ones have to put in beyond the standard 9 hours a day.

One time such a situation happened in one of my previous projects. Soon my work timetable started entering beyond the mid night. Gradually my room mates started thinking of me as a nocturnal creature who entered the house in the quite of the nitght and who slept calm when they all prepared to for leave office. I found that my whole time table had soon shifted drastically and that I had started considering midnight as creative time. Naturally if I started having delusions of a working code, they were nothing but "day dreams at midnight".

All said and done I can't end this post without talking about some of the facilities that are provided these days, which are often mistaken as encouragement towards working late nights.

1. Late Night Drops - Special shuttle / taxi services for employees who work until unearthly hours.
2. Dormitory - A concept perhaps unique to Infosys. A place where employees can choose to sleep overnight instead of having to bother going home at uneartly hours. This place even has a proper and well supplied bathroom. I did spend a few nights in this place although I didn't like not going home but I'll always remember one of my roomates suggestion. He suggested that I stay over at the dormitory only and set up some place where I could do the laundry. That way I wouldn't have to pay the house rent. I was anyway not using the house like a house anyways. For food obvisouly there were the canteens and what else does a working bachelor have in life...

Due to some of these facilities some of the younger developers often consider it as a factor of coolness to be counted among the "Day dreamers at midnight" but as I look back it is perhaps one experience which should remain as only a single experience and not be allowed to become a habit.

A dummy's guide to Crashing weddings

I have seen a few movies which had scenes of smart looking, glib talking gentlemen crash wedding parties with the sole intention of eating good food for free. However I never thought that such things are actually possible. One event however got me thinking otherwise to the extent that I decided to write this dummy's guide.

The recent event was nothing out of the ordinary. I got invited to a friend's wedding. For a change I chose to be punctual at a social function and reached the hall on time for the wedding reception party. To my surprise the couple in question had not arrived. Apparently they were delayed in the previous ceremonies and were running late. Now the only people I knew at the place were the bride and the groom. Everybody else was alien to me. Further, Unfortunately the Hall manager did not bother putting a welcome board mentioning the names of the bride and groom. So here I was at a wedding reception party, with no clue as to whether I was at the right party at all. Absentminded as I am I started doubting whether I had taken down the details correctly and walked out of the hall to check the neighbourhood for any other halls out there. Thankfully there were none and a quick chat with another guest confirmed that I was at the right place.
As the reception started, I could see people going upto the stage and greeting the newly wed couple. I sat on one of the seats, observing other people, not knowing whom to talk to and what to talk. As I observed the people around me an idea hit me ... What if I were a wedding crasher... My situation, frankly, was different only to the extent that I was invited to this one and my friend did smile at me from the stage to confirm that I was at the right place. However even if both the bride or groom were not my friends, I think I could have easily passed of as an invited guest... Thus based on my observation and thoughts I came out with this guide. So here are the steps -

Dress Smart.- As they say "Clothes maketh the man". If some one is dressed well most people will think that you are an invited person. They will appreciate your presence. Imagine showing up at a wedding in a dirty green T'shirt and a muddy blue jeans. The chances are that even if you are the bride / bridegroom's best friend that person will refuse to recognize you ... On the other hand, have clean, well ironed, formal clothes appropriate for the occasion and the person at the door might just believe that you are an invited guest without having to give any sort of introduction. After all Indian weddings are also about the great and colourful clothes.. The Kurtas, payjamas, chunnis, choli - lehengas, sarees, the stylish suits .... the list goes on. With so many good clothes at stake, a smart looking, well dressed gentleman or lady are always going to be welcome.

Appear Confident - Even if you don't know anybody or the place no body will doubt confident looking person walking around the place. When some one sees a confident person walking around they would think you are some one of importance. How to appear confident ... that's easy, Hold your head and sholders high, walk at a steady pace and look in front as you are walking, have a grin of satisfaction on your face. Walking too fast may give an impression confusion or tension and walking too slow may give out an impression that you are not too comfortable. With the above point and this, even if some one doubts your credentials they would not dare ask. Who would want to piss you off on such an auspicious ocassion.

Choose your seat - Even if you enter confidently it is important to choose a good seat. A good place would be a seat somewhere amongst the relatively quite crowd. These people won't talk much and most probably they would think you are from the other side (i.e if they are the bride's relatives, they would think you are the bridegroom's friend or something). It is important that this crowd is not around your age. That adds to the generation gap, which always delays the start of any conversation. Continue your grin as if you are very happy to see the couple wed.

Have a story - The first 2 points set the tone for your entry. However if you are seated for quite some time, the chances are that some body looking to build a network might just talk to you. An obvious question would be "So whose side are you from ?" .. Obviously here you would want to be related to either the bride or the groom or else you would be perhaps shown the door. So have a story. After all no conversation would end at the above question. I'll give out my tips here with an example conversation which could be (replace the bride part with groom if you choose to be the groom's friend)...
Other Guest (OG): "So who's side are you from ?"
You: "I am here from the bride's side (ladkiwalen). What about you?" (Tip: Before such a thing happens, try to eaves drop a few conversations so as to figure out useful details about the bride and groom such as name, education, city of origin, place of work etc .. you don't need all of those but know some are definitely useful. Use the confident walk to roam around while you are gathering details and pause often at places and stare at the bride and groom with appreciation. Be on alert for people approaching you as you do this).

OG: (Blah blah's about him being from ladkiwalen as well and some relationship). So how do you know 'xyz' (substitute the bride's name here)
You: (Tip: Have a relationship that can not be verified by anyone but the bride herslef. ). I used to go to a french class along with her. The class went out for a trek to Mahabaleshwar and there we got to know each other better and became good friends. It is such a pleasure to be here to see her tie the knot .. (heave a breathe of satisfaction like "awe" as you look at her and then smile) (Tip: Make sure that the story is believable, easily forgettable and not verifiable by any one but the bride herself. No body will dare ask the bride and others won't be sure but would believe rather than disturb the bride during her wedding.)
OG: Ohh I see.. (After having verified your intent at the wedding, the focus will now shift towards what you do what he does and so on .. again have some story ....) (Tip: Do not carry any thing which can lead to you being chased - eg. business card, working cell number. If you have to divulge your cell, give out an out of area cell and mention that it is not on roaming, lest OG insists on giving you a missed call at that instant. )

Know one should recognize you - This is one of the most important points. If anyone knows your intentions definitively, the chances are that you will get kicked out. Therefore make sure that know one who knows you is around. You would already have concoted a story by now which says that the only person who can verify your authenticity is either the bride or the groom. (Tip: Have a common name, so that the chances are that the bride / groom already have some invited friend by that name). A combination of the point above and this means that you are now there to stay pretty much like all the invited guests.

Avoid socializing too much - The more the people who have talked to you, the more the chances that your story will be caught and that some one might just inform the bride / groom about your presence. The simple solution is too avoid socializing too much. Additionally socialize with the people who are not likely to talk to the bride / groom or their parents / siblings about you. It goes without saying here that you would have to keep a close eye on the people around the bride and groom to identify who their closest people are (parents, siblings, close friends etc) and avoid getting too close to them. Watch out for facial, structural, behavioural similarities, interaction with the couple of interest, body language etc to identify these. If you end up socializing then be sure to have some unique and interesting adventure stories like "your experience with trekking the Mt Fuji in Japan" ... Such experiences will completely divert your conversation from the marriage and you are thus safe.

If there is a Dance floor - Well If you love dancing be sure to dance where a group of people is dancing. They don't mind somebody who dances well, dancing along with them. Enjoy the dance along with others, but make sure that your entry and exit are stealthy lest somebody wants to involve you in a useful conversation ...

Be sure to relish the food - After all what are you in for ... All the above steps set you up till the time you get to eat. Relish the food well (unless it is inedible, in which case all your effort was a total waste). All of the above steps were meant for this very culmination...
If there are the cocktails and you like them, be sure to have only as much as you can take. You don't want to ruin all your efforts so far by belching out truth about in under the influence of alcohol.

I have by now given you a "dummy's guide to crashing weddings". But there is always a fine print to all products and so here is my disclaimer...

"Try the above steps at your own risk. I am not responsible if you get beaten black and blue or charged for impersonation. All of the above description is based out of my imagination and interpretation of imaginary situations so they might be complete hallucinations of my mind. The guide has not gone through any testing and there are no testimonials to prove that it works."

If after reading the disclaimer you do follow this guide to your own "wedding crash" then let me know about there result by leaving a comment at this blog. Also please don't try this at my wedding. Finally I hope my friend, whose wedding inspired this does have that little bit extra sense of humour to accept this post :) .

A life called Infosys - The Halo of Dalai Lama

In my article - A life called Infosys - The Dream Company, I mentioned about the fact that the announcement that I got a job at Infosys drew various reactions. The reactions ranged from surprise and amazement to happiness and praise. However all those reactions didn't quite come close to the reactions that I saw when I came home to Mumbai for the first real vacation. This vacation was about 8 months after joining Infy, so there were lots of changes in me and also the perception of me among other people (relatives, neighbours and friends).

I have always been among the worst dressed guys in college so as mentioned in "The Dress Code" I was now counted among the most improved gentlemen in terms of dressing. I received a few compliments and chose to take notes in my head so that I could mention those in blogs like these. I think the best of those when one of the good looking females from my college mentioned "Vishal - you are looking smart" ....To all my critics - notes in head of course have not been amplified here and that is an actual comment.

However none of the compliments even come close to the "The Halo of Dalai Lama" reaction. One my roommates once told me about a conversation between him and one of his distant uncles ("door ke rishtedar"). The conversation went something like this.
Uncle: Beta where do you work?.
My Roomie (with a look beaming with pride): I work at Infosys.
Uncle: (With a look on the face that signifies respect, appreciation, praise etc). Ooh Mr Murthy's Infosys. Its a great company .. blah blah ... How do you think should I ask my son to become some one like you?

Of course the rest of the conversation mentioned above is inconsequential. The look on my friend's uncle's face is what matters. My friend described it to as "He looked at me as if I am an enlightened soul with the Halo of Dalai Lama behind my head" This description stayed put in my head and I learnt that it was so very true when I went home on my first vacation.

Suddenly I was no longer the guy in the grey T-shirt and muddy blue jeans who stood for all things that college students (guys) are not supposed to do. I am referring to things like bunking lectures, hanging out in canteen, ogling at girls, sleeping in the occasional lecture that I attended, copying assignments and so on ..... an no I didn't do drugs or ciggarettes so please don't imagine those in the so on list. I was now the guy who had made it to one of the most successful and respected companies in India. I was now seen as an ambassador of the company. I was now seen as the one with "The Halo of Dalai Lama"

So you might ask what's so special about this look... to site a few things I'll use a approach better known as then and now. The "then" here is when I was in college and the "now" here is when I came for a vacation after joining infy.
1. "Then" Mom nagged me about the fact that despite being bright (all Mom's think thier kid is bright) I couldn't stay above the 60 % mark consistently during my B.E. She wanted me to reduce my involvement in all the extra curriculars (refer to the so on ... list above) "Now" she was convinced that I was doing all of that with a purpose. I pretended that I had it all planned :)

2. "Then" some of my neighbours would think (I guess) this guy is spoiling the kids by hanging out in the playground during the exams (I did that a lot). "Now" the same set of neighbours were appreciative of my intellect. The suddenly started believing in "All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy".

3. "Then" I was the person who barely scrapped through the exams and didn't seem to be good enough to make it to a job in the campus placements. "Now" people would ask me for advice on career advice for their kids and they would actually listen to me.

4. "Then" My college teachers viewed me as an "outstanding student" - a student who always stood out of the classroom. "Now" my college teachers viewed me as an "outstanding student" - a student who worked for Infosys.

With the "Then" - "now" approach I believe I have really highlighted "The Halo of Dalai Lama" and its significance. I have to put some disclaimers out here. I wasn't actually all that bad in college. I did manage to clear all my semesters of engineering in first attempt in Mumbai university and that is a feat that only a small percentage of people (I guess that percentage would be as low as 20 %) manage to perform. Of course this feat was known only to a few people (my family and close friends). Most of my neighbours and relatives had kids who did the same feat but with an average which was much above 60 %. (Some of them actually had managed a first class every sem). Thus it was not that I was all that bad in the eyes of my neighbours, it was just that I wasn't too good enough :) ... Infosys for the first time changed that from not bad to "The Halo of Dalai Lama"

A life called Infosys - The Dress Code

The Dress code
I always found one aspect of Infy's policies amusing. This was regarding the Dress code. The HR gave us a suspect story line as a justification to the dress code. The dress code is simple yet discriminating. For gentlemen, Mondays and Tuesdays it is full business formals with Tie. On wednesdays and thursdays the tie is not required and they may opt for half sleeves. On fridays casuals are exceptable however shoes are a must and shorts are not allowed. Guys anyways do not have many options and such dress code restrictions only seek to further bring about the uniform look. The dress code for ladies accepted almost anything other than T-shirt and jeans as formal wear and that is applicable for the "Formal" days of the week. On fridays they may choose to wear pretty much any ladies wear under the sun (I guess mini skirts are excluded).

Having defined the dress code, I would like to bring out the fact that wearing a Tie while coding is like wearing a Hangman's knot to work. That's just my perspective though. The HR people would rather say that it makes us look like gentlemen and professional. Their story was that infoscions before introduction of the dress code were a pack of badly dressed geeks who made a mockery of the infosys brand in front of clients by their geekish dressing sense. They even quoted us some supposedly true story. Thus the dress code was introduced with an intention of turning us geeks into gentlemen and professionals. Interestingly during nearly 1.5 years that I spent at client site, I never had to wear a tie.

Funnily however the definition of dress code for ladies is so vague that almost any type of pants they wear below a western formal shirt is acceptable as a formal dress. I have even seen some of them wear jeans on mondays and it passes off as formals. Whereas for guys even wearing sports shoes on Mondays is considered an offence. If you ask me the origin of the dress code would lie somewhere in a tea time chat between two HR females. It would have been a conversation which could go like this
HR female 1 - "These software people look so damn dirty and intellectual in their green T shirt and muddy blue jeans."

HR female 2 - "Ohhh .. .my! They look so awful, but they are smart within aren't they. How else would they have cleared that aptitude test. I would find it difficult to clear it even with the cheat sheet in hand"

HRF1 - "Yeah.. that's true. The apti is tough, but then shouldn't smart people also look smart. I bet one of these guys will look like a real gentlemen in the correct formal clothes"

HRF2 - "Those black boots, those well creased shirts"

HRF1 - "Those smart ties. Like the complete man that appears in those grasim suitings advts"

HRF2 - "How about we get them to wear formals..."

HRF1 - "No way. These geeks won't do it. There is no way that we can convince one of them to change their dressing style"

HRF2 - "We can't .. but a dress code policy can"
........................
So the conversation must have gone on for another half an hour and the rest of course, is history.

Having critisized the dress code at length, its time to see the bright side of it too.
1. It is easy to recognize infoscions on Mondays and Tuesdays and hence help hitch hike to office courtesy the infoscions who own Cars.
2. The gentlemen actually look gentlemen and the dirty green T shirts and muddy blue jean are unheard of in office.
3. After college it is exciting to dress up in formals on a daily basis.. at least till the paid vacation is on.
4. Most importantly .. This point is based on a true story. .. People appreciate your dressing sense.

Before I end this post, I have to elaborate on the true story just mentioned.
All through my college life, I have been considered as one of the worst dressed guys. Worst dressed is not a compliment but unfortunately I was too comfortable (read as Lazy) to change that. Thus when Infy dress code grew on me, I actually started wearing clean and decent clothes even on weekends. This transformation was more so because my wardrobe suddenly had a higher percentage of formals and even my choice in informals was now affected by a formal mindset. After several months in Infy I happened to meet some of my female class mates and for the first time they appreciated my dressing sense. I chose to bask in the glory of that compliment but I guess I owe that compliment to the Dress code.
Like it or hate it, I think the dress code is in Infy to stay.

A life called Infosys - The Paid Vacation

The Paid Vacation
If the heading makes you feel that infosys gives a paid vacation to each of its employees .. It almost does. At least the fresh entrants get to go on one. For all those infoscions who read this and say that I am joking .. please care to recollect your memories about the entry level training.
The training is basically a period of time when fresh entrants are considered bright and talented but not quite ready for being put into projects. To hone the talent they are put through a period of training which varies from 2 months to 4 months (depending on the educational background). People who haven't had this opportunity might wonder what this training is about and how can it be a paid vacation. Lets see ...

1. All trainees are typically given accomodation in 3 star hotels or equvivalent (Mysore training facility has a hostel equivalent to 3 star hotel) for the duration of the training. Some trainee batches in past haven't got this but mine did. With a batch of around 100 or more trainees it is like staying in a hostel but with luxury of a hotel. The fun of hostel life does not need a second mention. Additionally the boys and girls hostel are not in two separate buildings separated by special security.. Need I say more on this.
   
2. The campus has lush green lawns, a health club and various playing fields (basket ball, Lawn tennis etc). All this for a very small fee. The whole thing is extremely well maintained.
   
3. There are lectures (like college) for half the day on weekdays. People like me like to think of that time as the time catch up some pending sleep. The second half of the day is dedicated to practicals. Put simply we have access to a PC and a mail box and some assignments. In typcal engineering style some of us managed to sneak out for numerous tea breaks and strolls in the Campus. Additionally the mail box is used for little more than sending out official mails. I almost used it like a tool to chat with other trainees.
   
4. The company pays the trainees a handsome salary and not a meagre stipend.

Net net .. We got paid for being in college and that too a good looking one. Well there were the assignements and tests to spoil the show but as long as one managed to spend enough time mugging up the Champak (the study material given by the education department) they were never a problem. Thus the training was more like getting paid for having fun at college. Additionally being just out of college meant that the corporate life didn't yet have the opportunity to rob us of our sense of mischief.

For me training was a simple routine.
Get up in the morning to catch the office bus. Getting up early meant that some of my sleep was cut short so I used the boring lectures to catch up on the rest. The practicals was the only time I seriously did some studying (apart from chatting and mailing on other windows). Evenings were spent taking long strolls in the campus or trying some baskets at the basketball court or just chilling out at the canteen. Finally we used to catch bus back to the hotel. At the hotel my job was to coax every one among my new found friends (batch mates) to play cards or to plan for a trip on the next weekend. I did end up studying in typical Mumbai University style. i.e the night before the assignment which of course was group study and for me just hearing the discussions was good enough to get me to the minimum passing criteria. I chose to let the hard studies be things the batch toppers did and I associated myself with them so as to gain from their hard work. Some might say how mean ... but if clearing the test was the only aim .. why bother wasting the paid vacation.

Unfortunately my paid vacation lasted only 3 weeks after which Infy decided to pull us into real projects. I still curse the EnR department for robbing us of our paid vacation, but I guess times gone cannot come back only memories like these continue to remain as cherished ones.

A life called Infosys - The Aptitude Test

Shakuntala Devi is really popular
I had always heard about the lady Shakuntala Devi and her puzzle books. They said that her brain works faster than a Computer. I guess with the computing speed of the age old 86 family processors any body with good arithmetic and analytical ability could do that. With the kind of test that Infosys has, for filtering aspirants I could almost argue that even my brain runs faster that the Computer. ... Ok I am blowing my tumpet ... It seems that there is a remarkable similarity in the puzzles that infy tests the candidates against and the ones that feature in Shauntala Devi's books.. With my habit of clearing most aptitude tests and then failing interviews I did not worry about going through those books. However the others who joined with me swore by this book. In fact to date if any person asks me the secret behind clearing the Infosys aptitude test, I say pick up Shakuntala Devi's puzzle books and solve it in its entirity and you should be good.. Given that a huge number of people appear for Infy's tests I guess it is safe to assume that the sales of the above mentioned books are driven by Infosys' recruitment ...

A life called Infosys - The Dream Company

The Dream Company
As engineering students we dreamt about various options for our future.. Some wanted to chase the great American dream and do their post graduation in US. There were others who preferred doing management in India and there were still others like me who thought that it was time to place the books in the library and start counting money (I mean get a full time job)..
Given the Brand name of Infosys and the Icon Mr Narayan Murthy, Infosys was by far the dream company for anyone remotely interested in pursuing a software company.
Thus when I got my offer letter I was excited to say the least.
Then began my trumphet. I declared to every friend and relative I knew that I would working for Infosys and I was always met with the a reaction that conveyed everything from surprise, amazment and of course happiness and praise. For the next few days till I actually joined the company I chose to bask in the light of my success (even if it was only the start of a much longer journey). I think Infosys still continues to be one of the dream companies for most IT aspirants and professionals in India

Rs 500 and 8 hours on weekly laundry

If you read the heading and imagine that spending 500 rupees on laundry is something that would happen If I were to send my clothes to the laundry of an expensive hotel ... You are wrong. I am a little too miserly to do that. The next few paragraphs just demonstrate how to spend so much money to just get a machine wash at home.

I used to work for quite some time in Bangalore. Living there with friends meant that I had learnt to gaurd my laundry bag and actually do the laundry all by myself. However when I shifted to Pune things took a whole new turn on the laundry front. My hometown Mumbai is quite close to Pune. It is just about 4 hrs drive from my Pune residence to my parent's residence in Mumbai. Obvisouly weekend was a time to chill out at their place. The first weekend my Mom was very happy to see me. Her happiness showed in her eyes ..."as if her brave son had returned from War".

For Lazy bums like me daily chores are no less than a War. Simple things like cooking, laundry, cleaning the house etc take several hours to do and lots of bravery (imagine having to wash the denim jeans you worn for 3 months without washing). A few hours of mental preparation before going to the WAR to actually do the job. I know most Mom's can do the above chores half asleep or while simultaneously attending to other things like "saas bahu" serials, phone etc. However for a sloth like me they really are war. In that sense my homecoming to was like being back from Vietnam war.

First few weekends were really good. I was treated like a guest at home and in India guests are considered as messengers of the Almighty. Naturally my Mom cooked food as per my liking and made sure I had eaten up right until my belly bulged out. My clothes were taken care of on priority scheduling for the daily machine wash. I didn't have to do any chores at home at all and could just lie on the sofa and watch TV all day. Never during my college days did I have such luzury at home.

I guess good things don't last for ever so also was the case with the VIP treatement I got at my home. My Mom saw through my lazy mind's plan reduce work. Being the great Mom she is I still get to eat a lot, the clothes are also taken care of and I still manage to a lot of nothing by warming the upholstery. However things have taken their course. The twinkle in my Mom's eye has change to more like a sigh of relief and and expression of disinterest. Relief because she is able to see me hale and healthy every time I show up. Disnterest because with me comes my huge back pack full of clothes with that manly odour (read as bad odour of sweat). Some of clothes (my socks and dirty jeans) are treated as if they need to go through special bomb diffusal to prevent harm to others in the house but I get clean clothes nevertheless. I get pushed these days do some daily chores like getting stationaries from nearby shop. I am expected to eat whatever is cooked irrespective of my liking. In short I am treated with as much repect as the other members at home.

Despite the lack of VIP treatement, the benefit of getting your laundry taken care of .. free of charge and with utmost adherence to quality is worth travelling for 8 hours and spending about 500 rupees transportation. I guess spending the time and money to go to Mumbai has more to do with visiting the family but I can't deny the fact that the laundry is often a trigger to plan trips to home sweet home. With that quote .. I know I'll probably have to do a few weeks of laundry myself if my dear Mom reads this.. So sorry Mom .. that's just this Lazy idiots outlook .. please ignore me

The Bookworm

I have know this guy for about 2 years but the short time that we were room mates was when I actually came to know about him and it sure left his mark on me.
Why do I call him book worm ... I guess there is no doubt. Afterall I think he spent most of his free time with his head dug deep into books. He has a great appetite for books and usually I found that I name it and he has read it.

As expected given the nickname he got excited when I took him to the Richmond Library. For an Indian non fiction fan, seeing a section full of non fiction books is like a dream. Thus our bookworm entered his dream world. I had to done the drivers cap as he didn't yet have a Car and I couldn't say no to him whenever he asked me to take him to the library. Afterall I owed my driving skills to his patience and strong heart.

When I wasn't quite sure how to drive in the USA, this guy took the risk of sitting by my side and teaching me. I have to say he did shout every time I braked at the last moment or threatened to crash into other cars while changing lanes. But he did have the patience and the strong heart to sit by my side even as I scared the living day lights out of him by my driving prowess. In that sense I owe my now honed driving skills to him.

Besides being a book worm and one of the better drivers I have known, there are some other traits in him that do impress me and I wish those have brushed into me. For one he had a lot of patience for some one so passionate about his work or his personal space. Talking about passion, I think he is one the most dedicated and passionate people as far as their jobs are concerned. He also had a great knack of building up relationships with our clients and that's a quality which I myself had to work hard on despite the fact that I count communication as one my strengths.

Having showered a lot of praise I think it is important that I mention some of the not so appreciated qualities as well. In that sense he is a competitor to me. He has been one of the laziest persons I have known although I think he isn't as lazy as yours truly. He has a great taste for alchohol and for PJs. His PJs continue to be very competitive to mine and I guess the next time we meet, we might be up for a PJ challenge. In that sense we both used a lot of dialogues from the popular hindi comedies like Andaz Apna Apna, Jaane bhi do yaroon, Hera Pheri etc.

His taste for alchohol was something that became evident to me when we both went into the liquors section in one big retail store (I think it was COSTCO). He got excited in quite the same way as he was excited in the library. He ended up giving me the taste of Heinekin beer. However the best of his alchohol acts was when he prepared rum chicken. The idea was to prepare chicken as per a recipe pulled of the net. However he started the preparation with a peg of rum in his hand. The start was ok but by the time we reached the mid, we both weren't quite sure what to call the chicken or what its contents should be. We both suspected that some of the rum also had spilled into the prepartion. Thus we decided to rechristen the Chicken as "Rum Chicken"

As I write this blog, our book worm is busy studying for his post graduation and I think his addiction to book will take him places. However I'll always remember him for the "Rum Chicken"